“Yeah, I do…”
“That was us by the second half of our relationship.” Teruo sighed. “Itsuki—my ex—he hated my job more and more with each passing day. There were hints of a promotion, so I was doing a lot of overtime, trying to get in my superior officer’s good graces, which was Superintendent Yoshida, ironically.”
“Huh.” Shinji chuckled.
“Yep.” Teruo placed sliced pork loin on top of the onions and added sake and soup stock then let it boil. “Anyway, Itsuki complained that I was never home, that I was indifferent and cold towards him. I was aware of my hectic job and I tried to make up for it the best I could, with lots of dates in my free time and reassurances that it wouldn’t be for long and it would get easier once I was promoted. Things got worse. Itsuki pushed for me not to take the promotion. Thought it would only keep me away from home more.”
“I get where he was coming from,” Shinji said. “Our schedule can be a mess.”
“It’s true, but I had already been a police officer when I met him. I told him about my job and how important it is to me. I was hoping for a little support. He even went as far as to say I was cheating on him when all I did was work my ass off to give us a better life.”
Shinji placed his palm between Teruo’s shoulder blades and rubbed soothingly. “I’m sorry.”
“I was nearing the promotion day,” Teruo continued, “and I was obviously excited while Itsuki was antsy and in worse moods. Promotion day arrived, it all got done, I was congratulated and I returned home to find Itsuki gone.”
“Gone? Like, gone, gone?”
“Yeah. Packed his bags while I was at work and simply disappeared. Leftnothingbehind, not even a small note. I called, texted, emailed him. No answer. I was desperate, felt betrayed, then felt like shit because it was my fault he left—”
“No, Teruo…”
“Then suddenly I was relieved.” Teruo’s hand tightened on the spoon. “I got home and it was quiet. No more screaming, complaining, insults. At that moment I realized what we had wasn’t a healthy relationship. We just hung onto each other because neither had the courage to break up. Itsuki saw an opportunity to leave and took it.”
“It was the coward’s way out.” Shinji frowned.
“Not sure which one was the coward. I guess both. And while I was glad for finally having peace at home, I was empty inside. That night, I called Megumi and we got drunk at her apartment.” Teruo glanced along the length of the kitchen toward the living room. “Itsuki and I had discussed moving into a house. I’d started house hunting on the internet and found a few nice places, this one among them. I had the list prepared on my promotion day with a nice speech telling him we could afford a house now, things would be okay and we’d be happy. It was meant to be a surprise. He never saw the house, but I bought it anyway, for me.”
Teruo paused as if he meant to say more, but turned away instead and focused on boiling the udon noodles. Shinji rested with his hip against the countertop and glanced at him, wanting to offer some consoling words, but not quite sure what to say. He couldn’t imagine how difficult it must’ve been back then for Teruo, one day planning to buy a house and then another to find out the one he loved disappeared without a single goodbye.
“He’s the reason I have commitment issues,” Teruo finally said.
“It’s natural to doubt yourself after being abandoned like that. It’s not your fault.”
“Well, partially it is.”
“No.” Shinji held onto Teruo’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “It was a shit thing to do and you deserve better.”
“Thank you.” Teruo smiled. “I appreciate that.” He cupped Shinji’s chin between his fingers and pulled him in for a kiss.
A long sigh escaped Teruo and Shinji held onto him tight, palms skimming over the small of Teruo’s back and his lips teasing Teruo’s. One of their phones buzzing interrupted and Teruo glanced at the table.
“It’s mine,” he said and stretched his hand to grab it, not letting Shinji go. “Megumi’s asking about the case.” Teruo typed something fast, then placed the phone back on the table and returned his attention to the food.
Shinji nodded. “Did you tell her about me?”
Teruo picked two cubes of curry and thawed them into a spoon inside the soup. “No. I tell Megumi everything, but I didn’t want to out you without your permission.”
“You have my permission,” Shinji said.
Teruo’s face brightened. “She’ll be glad to know we’re together. Megumi has been worried about me these past three years.”
Shinji placed a kiss on his shoulder. “She’s a good friend.” He laid his forehead on Teruo as thoughts about his life in Hiroshima invaded his mind.
“I can tell something’s bothering you,” Teruo said. “Do you want to talk over this late dinner?”
“Yeah…”
The curry udon’s delicious scent filled Shinji and he sat back on the chair. Teruo placed the bowls down and Shinji wrapped his hands around a bowl, dragging it toward him. He took a few spoonfuls, enjoying the exquisite taste of the soup and the smooth texture of the pork loin. None of his exes had bothered to cook for him, much less so late at night after a draining work day. He glanced at Teruo who patiently waited for Shinji to speak as they ate.