Shinji ducked and pressed his lips against Teruo’s. Their skin touching seemed to draw even more healing energy from Teruo and Shinji backed away, remaining beside him, but trying to touch as little skin as possible.
“How does it feel?” Teruo asked. “To see them?”
Shinji stared, surprised. No one ever asked him such a question. For some of the beings Shinji worked with, dying wasn’t the end, only a new beginning.
After a long pause, he spoke, “We all know death will come sooner or later. We just don’t think about it… much.”Us, mortals,he meant to add but couldn’t. His throat felt dry and he swallowed. “But when you stare death in the eye through the ghosts it’s… frightening. You can’t help but think how fragile we are, how fast we can crumble to pieces. It wasn’t easy, getting used to seeing them almost every day of my life.”
He’d kept his interactions with ghosts as neutral as possible, never getting involved more than it was necessary to solve their murder or bring them peace in whatever way he could. That was a Shinigami’s job and emotions had no place there; it had been drilled into his brain since he joined the Onmyoryo nine years ago. It was necessary in order to preserve his sanity.
But he was human too and facing so much death was overwhelming at times. The hardest of all was looking in the mirror and seeing the one responsible for these spirits.
Himself. A reaper of souls.
He’d stared at that dark veil so many times, trying not to think of the moment when he’d have to step toward the other side too.
“I’ve upset you, haven’t I?” Teruo cupped Shinji’s chin between his fingers. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“You didn’t upset me. I’ll tell you more, but piece by piece.”
Teruo smiled and nodded. “Come on. I have that damn press conference in the afternoon.”
“Oh, I’m sure you don’t want to miss it.” Shinji chuckled when Teruo rolled his eyes. “Let’s pass by my apartment first and pick up some clothes,” he added as he climbed back into the driver seat.
Shinji hadn’t returned to his apartment since Thursday and the central heating was off. Teruo rubbed his arms when he walked inside.
The apartment looked like a cave. It had nothing personal in it. A thin layer of dust had settled on the sofa and the small corner bookcase. His kitchen was empty save for a glass of stale water and some unopened cups of instant ramen lined up on the counter. The bed in his bedroom lay in a mess just how he had left it last time he slept here. He was glad he wouldn’t be sleeping here tonight which was a first as he never minded the cold or the solitude.
Shinji crouched next to the enormous wheeled suitcase sprawled on the floor, grabbed the bare necessities and moved them into a duffel bag. He passed it to Teruo, then picked up some suits, covering them in a waterproof garment bag to protect them from the rain.
“Well, at least the clothes are already packed,” Teruo said.
Shinji gave him a sheepish smile. “I was too tired to unpack. Then I slept at your place, so I just left them like this. I am not the most organized person, I admit.”
“And it’s freezing in here.” Teruo shivered. “Worse than outside. Was it like this in Hiroshima, too?”
“Eh, there was more food in the fridge, but yeah, this is how my life has been. Cold and empty.”
Teruo trailed his knuckles over Shinji’s cheek. “I’m hoping it’s not like that anymore?”
Shinji’s heart swelled and he placed a kiss on Teruo’s wrist. “No, because now I have you.”
EPILOGUE
Teruo
Teruo lay down on the sofa, Shinji stretched on top of him, head on Teruo’s bare chest. His fingers played lazily through Shinji’s tousled hair and he closed his eyes, savoring this peaceful evening of snuggling with his lover.
Shinji flicked through the TV channels, trying to find something to watch and muttering complaints under his breath. Teruo nearly fell asleep when the atrocious sound of his own voice came up on the TV. He opened his eyes and groaned. The news channel had the press conference about the Red Collar case on.
“Change the channel.”
“You look good on TV,” Shinji said. “Handsome. Better in person, though.”
Teruo chuckled. “Thanks… but change the channel, please.”
Shinji turned off the TV and placed the remote on the coffee table. “Don’t know why you dislike seeing yourself.” He pushed up on his elbows and dipped his head to leave a trail of kisses from Teruo’s sternum to his collarbone. “I wasn’t joking that you look good.”
“I know you weren’t. It’s not about looks.” He skimmed his palms over Shinji’s shoulders and down his back, stopping at his shorts. “I value my privacy. Watching myself only reminds me that I’m losing just a shred of it with each complex case. Can’t do much about it, though. Comes with the job.”