‘No time spent on you could ever be a waste,’ I said, stopping to squeeze both his hands in mine. ‘You deserve your happily ever after just as much as everyone else.’
And I was going to make sure he got it.
‘What is this?’
Even under the sodium-vapour glow of the street lights, Manny’s face was ashen.
‘It’s a butcher’s shop,’ I said, pointing at the sign out front. McIntyre’s Meat. Not subtle. How had my mother not known?
‘And why are we here?’
‘Billy Bear ham?’ I waited for him to put two and two together, watching as he frowned, his forehead turning into a concertina of confusion. ‘Oh, for God’s sake, the man you’ve been sending photos to is Drew the Scottish butcher, the one Mum tried to set me up with!’
‘Absolutely fucking not.’
It wasn’t quite the rush of gratitude I’d expected but nevertheless, I persisted.
‘You’re going in there,’ I said, pointing at the door to the upstairs flat. ‘Ring the doorbell.’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t want to.’
Where had I heard that before?
‘Manny, I say this with nothing but love and the frustration born of having seen photos of your penistwicenow,’ I paused to take a breath. ‘Ring the bloody doorbell.’
He made a disgruntled sound in the back of his throat and once again refused to move.
‘Worst-case scenario, you see each other, you’re not keen and Mum has to start going to a different butchers,’ I reasoned, sliding my arm through the nook of his elbow to whisper in his ear. ‘But best-case scenario, he could be the one. Drew could be the love of your life.’
I rested my chin on his shoulder and looked up at my cousin with wide, Disney-heroine eyes. ‘You’ve already seen his knob, it would be rude not to say hello.’
‘You know nothing about my people,’ Manny grunted. ‘But fine.’
With a joyous shriek, I jabbed at Drew’s doorbell before he could change his mind, dancing around on the spot,then pausing to rearrange my boobs as they attempted to break free of their Lycra restraints once again.
It was just like a movie. Drew opened the door, a golden glowing halo all around him from the upstairs light, his beautiful Fair Isle jumper pushed up around his elbows, his hair artfully mussed as though we’d disturbed him from thinking some very deep thoughts or, even better, watching an episode ofEmily in Paris. His eyes rested on me for a moment then he turned his gaze to Manny. It felt as though the air around us was on fire, charged with a trillion volts of oh-my-God-just-kiss-already.
‘Drew!’ I exclaimed when neither of them so much as spoke, moved or breathed. ‘I’d like you to meet my cousin, Manny. Manny, this is Drew, a butcher who just moved here from Inverness.’
Manny looked at Drew, Drew looked at Manny and in that moment, something wonderful happened.
‘Mr_Meat_88?’ Manny said, his eyes wide.
‘If_You_Seek_Manny_69?’ Drew gasped.
‘Ew,’ I whispered.
But it didn’t matter. Obscene screen names could come and go but whatever it was running between my cousin and his hot butcher was very real. My heart soared at the expressions on their handsome faces, their smiles growing with every passing second. I hadn’t looked at anyone or anything like that since I found out the freezer shop down the road from my new flat sold past-their-expiry-date Cadbury’s Creme Eggs all year round. Love is love is love is love and no man, woman or threat of food poisoning could stand in its way. The two of them inched closer together, one magnet drawn to another.Hot, sexy magnets that I did not need to see any more of because one of them was my cousin.
‘Well, this has been fun,’ I said as I slowly backed away down the street. ‘But I have some really important stuff to do that involves being anywhere else but here. Manny, I’ll see you later.’
‘Probably not,’ he called without turning away from Drew. ‘But thank you.’
‘Any time,’ I replied, doffing an invisible cap and strutting all the way home.