Enough was enough, it was time to figure this thing out.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘I’ve got it,’ Manny announced after I explained my predicament for the eighth time the following morning. ‘You have to shag someone.’
I glanced up from my bacon butty with complete and utter disgust. ‘That’syour solution?’
‘It almost always is,’ he replied happily. ‘But think about it. Youwantto live in the moment and youneedto grant someone’s wish. It’s got to be Nan, hasn’t it? She didn’t wish for you to get back together with Michael, she wished for you to sort out your love life. You’re killing two birds with one bang. Gwen, you have to.’
He had presented the evidence and I, as a sworn upholder of the law, had no choice but to examine it further.
‘Is sorting out my love life the same thing as hopping on a stranger though? Sorting out my love life probably means spending time alone to work out what I really want and need from a partner.’
‘Said the girl who hasn’t had a decent shag in years,’ Manny replied. ‘And don’t look at me like that, I can tellby the number of jumpsuits you own Michael wasn’t getting the job done. It’s a little-known fact but there is a direct correlation.’
‘I do like a good onesie,’ I muttered without offering any further explanation.
‘Under any other circumstances, I would support a period of self-reflection, but Gwen, we are not talking about normal circumstances. We’re playing by fairy tale rules. It’s true love’s kiss or nothing.’
I took a questioning bite of my butty. ‘I thought you said I had to shag someone?’
‘True love isn’t nearly as PG as she used to be,’ he sniffed. ‘Do you want to be stuck eating turkey and stuffing for all eternity?’
‘No.’
The mere thought of another ball of Paxo made me gag.
‘And do you want to be in a relationship?’
‘Yes,’ I admitted with the utmost reluctance. It still felt like I was letting the sisterhood down by saying it out loud, but I really did. I’d been single for years before I met Michael and while I knew it was better to be happily single than unhappily coupled up, I was sure that I wanted a partner in my life.
‘Then where’s the harm in testing my theory?’ He pushed my hair back from my face and gave my cheek a strong pat that was just a hair’s breadth away from a slap. ‘Besides, a good shag never hurt anyone.’
‘What about the time you put your back out with that guy from the Royal Ballet?’
‘Should have known my limits,’ he admitted. ‘But I suspect the likelihood of finding a professional ballet dancer in Baslow on Christmas Day is slim to none.’
‘You’re not wrong there,’ I said, already despairing of my potential options. ‘The likelihood of finding someone under sixty-five with all their own hair and teeth is also slim to none. Might need to relax my stringent criteria a bit, any age, own teethorhair.’
‘Ooh!’ Manny bounced up and down in his seat and pointed out the living-room window ‘What about Dev? You said he’s home?’
‘He is home, but he’s engaged,’ I replied, flustered. One stray thought of his forearms and I immediately came over all unnecessary.
Manny shrugged. ‘So?’
‘He’sengagedto bemarried,’ I repeated, sadly locking the memory of rolled-up shirt sleeves and running across fields safely away. ‘But … there was that man Mum tried to set me up with at Dorothy’s party.’
‘Is he fit?’
‘He looks like Chris Hemsworth and The Rock had a baby and that baby grew up thinking both his parents were a bit puny and he ought to bulk up a bit.’
Manny’s jaw dropped open. ‘Then why are we sat here talking instead of lubing you up and throwing you out the door? I can think of no better way to live in the moment than for you to bang this man.’
‘Then maybe you should shag him,’ I suggested.
‘Given half the chance,’ he tutted in reply.
‘He’s too hot for me,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘I’m doing myself down but he’s objectively very fit and I’m not good at chatting up very fit people. I’ve always seen myself as more of a long game gal. I’ve never been able to turn it on like that, I don’t know how.’