‘I promise to try to remind you,’ I countered, smiling as Pari made herself comfortable underneath the Christmas tree and closed her eyes. We both felt like we were home.
From outside, the room looked lovely. On the inside, it was positively magical. The tree wasn’t just big, it towered over me and as I gazed up at it, I felt all the years slip away. It was like being a little girl again, as though everything was possible and all my dreams could still come true.
Behind me, I heard Dev exhale.
‘You should see the look on your face.’
‘You should see the look on yours. Do you need a sit-down?’ I replied, hiding my blushes behind my hair. ‘Can you believe this is five minutes from our house and we almost missed it?’
‘People don’t always see what’s right in front of them,’ he replied lightly. ‘Especially when it’s been around forever.’
The corners of my mouth turned up but the smile didn’t quite make it to my eyes. If Michael was to be believed, I was very good at that. I stroked a lush length of garland resting across the mantlepiece and raised my hands to my face. It smelled so fresh and green, as though it had been freshly cut that morning.
‘Do you want a photo?’ Dev offered. ‘Or does my expert legal counsel think creating evidence a bad idea?’
‘Worst idea ever,’ I said with enthusiasm as I handed him my phone. ‘But take a lot of different ones, I like to have options.’
He laughed, holding the phone expertly in one hand as I arranged myself in front of the fireplace, one leg kicked up behind me and my chin resting on the back of my hands.
‘Nice, very nice,’ he crouched down to get a new angle. ‘It’s giving modern Mrs Claus, it’s giving “Santa Baby” the remix, it’s giving I-just-broke-into-a-stately-home-would-you-like-a-cup-of-tea, I like it, I like it.’
‘You’re a very tolerant photographer,’ I replied, offering up pose after pose as he snapped away. ‘My ex hated taking photos, he never did more than one.’
‘Welcome to the twenty-first century. He’s going to struggle to get a new girlfriend if he doesn’t know how to take a decent picture for Instagram,’ Dev scoffed. ‘Do you want a Boomerang?’
If he weren’t engaged already, I would have proposed on the spot.
‘Conveniently, he already had one before we broke up,’ I said as breezily as humanly possible. ‘I think she’s more of a TikTok person. In that she’s about twelve.’
Dev grimaced and dropped my phone down to his side. ‘I’m sorry. He’s clearly a terrible shithead.’
‘So you’ve met him?’ I replied, laughing.
After months of refusing to talk about him at all, it felt quite nice to drag Michael in a safe space. Metaphorical safe space, we were having this chat in the middle of a crime scene.
‘It wasn’t all on him, I have to take some of the blame. Not for the cheating, there’s never an excuse for that,’ I hastened to add. ‘But he said some stuff that hit home a bit harder than I’d have liked.’
‘Such as?’ Dev asked, looking genuinely curious and not even the slightest bit judgemental. Not like the women on the returns desk in the Oxford Circus branch of Marks & Spencer who had apparently never bought a pair ofwork trousers in a rush then had to bring them back when they didn’t fit.
‘I’m a lawyer and sometimes I work very long hours,’ I replied, feeling my way around this conversation. I took a moment while I searched for the right words, Dev nodding patiently to show he was with me. ‘A while back, my boss told me I was being considered for a promotion, a huge promotion for someone my age, but that I’d have to take on more projects, volunteer for more stuff. Basically work twice as hard and twice as long until the big bosses decided I was worthy. Michael and I discussed it and he knew it wouldn’t be like that forever, but it did mean I worked quite a lot of weekends, missed a few events here and there. Quite a few to be honest. He always said he was OK with it but …’
‘But when it came to it, he didn’t like you putting in all the extra hours?’ Dev guessed.
‘Turns out he wasn’t that keen, no,’ I said with a weak smile. ‘I don’t know. Maybe I should have given him more of a chance to have a say, maybe I wasn’t really listening. He’s perfectly within his rights to want to be with someone who isn’t so focused on their career, isn’t he?’
‘And you’re perfectly within your rights to be with someone who supports you in yours. Sometimes the things we want don’t line up and you have to call it.’
‘And sometimes people start shagging their receptionist instead of telling you that,’ I replied. ‘Things were good, once. He used to be supportive. I only wish I’d known that support was conditional.’
I sat down under the tree, beside Pari and scritched her behind her fluffy white ears.
‘Obviously I’m biased, but it seems to me like he did you a favour.’
Dev sat down next to me and handed me my phone. I scrolled through the photos he’d taken, all of them perfectly framed, well-lit and shot from flattering angles. I was laughing and smiling in every single one. It was a long time since I’d seen a photo of myself where I looked so happy. I zoomed in on one of the photos, Dev’s reflection caught in the mirror behind me. I wasn’t the only one who looked happy.
‘A really shitty favour wrapped up in a big “I’m a wanker” bow, but still,’ he added. ‘I am completely certain that you’re better off without him.’
‘And he’s better off without me,’ I laughed, looking up from my phone to see Dev staring at me.