“Muh kree” ismy heart. Lauren knew that because that’s what Paddy calls her, but she didn’t know the “khwish-leh” bit. And I couldn’t even attempt that sentence he said. “Braw lum” something. So I didn’t even bother asking her. I’ll have to ask him what it means sometime.
“Ms. Halpern?”
Shaken from my reverie, I smile at the OBGYN, standing and making my way into her office.
“How are you feeling today?” Dr. Mackenzie asks me.
“I feel great.” I kick off my shoes, shimmy out of my panties, and sit on the examination bed.
“And it’s been under twelve weeks since your last injection?” she clarifies. I nod in agreement. “And have you been sexually active in that time?”
Again I nod, blushing slightly this time. “I, uh, I live with my boyfriend.”
I feel a secret thrill at calling Connor my boyfriend. He did call itourbed, I remember, with a thudding heart and a smug smile. And he said we were in a relationship. That makes him my boyfriend. I’m sure of it.
“And do you use condoms?”
I immediately shake my head. “Just the shot.”
She smiles at me again, still nodding. “It is 99% effective, but as you have been sexually active, we’ll get you to do a pregnancy test before your next one. Clinic policy.”
Dr. Mackenzie’s warm smile is comforting as she hands me a container to go pee in. I scuttle into the small bathroom outside her exam room, feeling weird walking around without panties. I’m used to this procedure. I had to take a test each time when I was living with Hamish, even though our sex life would be described as stagnant at best. Nothing like it is with Connor, even in the beginning.
When I return with my cup of urine, Dr. Mackenzie snaps on some gloves, unscrewing the cap, and sticks a pregnancy test into it.
“No issues since the last one?” she asks conversationally, turning her back on the test, taking my blood pressure, and listening to my heart.
“None at all. No symptoms that I noticed. I haven’t even had a cold.”
Nodding, Dr. Mackenzie turns back to the test, pulling it out and doing a double-take. My eyes flicker to the test, but I can’t see anything. She checks her notes and looks back at the test again. Uh. Is there a problem? Do I need to take another one? I hope it’s a different brand. They really shouldn’t be handing out defective tests. Can you imagine?
“I’m afraid the test is positive, Ms. Halpern,” she tells me in a calm, professional voice.
It’s…what? No. That’s not possible. I’m on the shot. It’s… it’s impossible. I can hear the blood pumping through my ears, and my lips are cold and hard to move.
“I’m sorry?” I manage to squeak. She turns to me, compassion in her eyes.
“It could be a false positive, but abstinence is the only 100% effective birth control method.”
Placing the test down, she takes a needle out of her drawer.
“Clinic policy after a positive test is a blood test to confirm. We have a lab on-site, so it won’t take very long. Is that okay?”
Uh, of course it’s fucking okay. I need them to confirm this is a false positive so I can go about my life.
I nod, croaking out a “yes” when she tells me she needs verbal confirmation of my permission.
Dr. Mackenzie draws the blood, patting me on the arm as she leaves the room. I immediately reach for my phone but am overwhelmed by nausea.
I shove my pocketbook as far away as possible. I cross to the window, wrapping my arms around my middle and staring, unseeing, out the window at the traffic moving on the street below me. What the hell will I do if it’s not a false positive?
“Ms. Halpern?”
I startle when the doctor returns. She guides me back to the bed with a kind smile. I don’t like the look of that smile.
“The blood test is also positive. You’re about eight weeks pregnant.” She snaps on some gloves as I stare at her, the words not penetrating through the ocean roaring in my head.
“I’m going to do an ultrasound, all right?”