I lost myself in those thoughts for a moment before blinking and looking back at Trey.
“Sorry. I was just thinking about it again.” I smile and drink some more coffee.
“Well, congratulations. I think you two are good together and fuck these other bitches around here.” He lowers his voice for the last part, so only I’ll hear him, and we both laugh.
“Is she here yet? We keep it low key at work.” I say, watching as Trey looks down the hall.
“There’s something going on in her office. I’d say she’s here.”
I want it to be something happy for Laina that makes her smile. Even though this entire situation is based on a selfish act for me, I want her to be happy.
I try to focus on work and not think about all the questions she’s facing. I’ve seen friends after they get engaged and it’s like everyone thinks you’re getting married the next day and having your first kid the week after that, most of which is directed at the woman. There’s a lot of pressure, though we get to avoid a stuffy engagement party that my mom would have thrown if it was someone else.
We don’t have a wedding date, and we might never get there. I haven’t thought past this step but marrying Laina would be good. She’s fun, kind, and makes me laugh like no person has before. I’ve even pulled back from some friends spending more time with her, though they have sent me messages congratulating me.
I wasn’t sure if she’d ever be a part of that life.
We went to dinner after work on Tuesday since she worked late on Monday.
“How was it?” I ask her once we order some wine, leaning forward to search her face for any pain.
“Fine. Everyone wanted to see the ring and I think half of that was to judge it. People probably thought you’d get a ten-carat diamond or something, but I’d never want that.” Laina sips her water and I smile. It was three carats, but the way it carried diamonds almost all the way around the band made it seem a little more conservative than that to Layla. I’m sure it impressed people more than she knew.
“You like it, right?” I ask and she looks at me with a nod.
“It’s beautiful. I’m glad you didn’t get me something that is bigger than my head.” She laughs and glances up as the server sets our wine down. “I’m ready. How about you?”
We place our orders, and I look at her as silence weighs over us.
“Did you tell your family?” I ask, and she nods slowly.
“They like you. Mom was surprised, but she knows you’re a good person. There’s a part of me that just wants to tell her it’s not real.” Laina looked at me. “I’m going to guess your family didn’t feel the same.”
“Sorry.” I fiddle with the napkin and look away. My family is the reason I’m here right now, and I don’t know if that’s wrong. “They might come around or they won’t. I think the latter would be better for you.”
“Probably.” She agrees with a small smile.
“I’m sorry they’re assholes, Laina.” I never call my parents that, but I’ve felt it for years. It felt that way when we were kids and they found out where I hung out one day. Even when Dad built a tree house, he seemed to resent the fact that Laina had spent time in it with me. What did he want from me?
“It’s not your fault. I just hope you’re not completely fucking up that relationship by doing this.” Laina sounds concerned, and I gaze at her in surprise. “That’s your family, good or bad.”
“I’m feeling good about this choice, Laina. I’m doing something for me for a change.” She looks at me as I smile. “So, do you need help packing anything?”
We go to her apartment, and she packs a few boxes while I get the pictures she wants to take into a separate box wrapped to protect the glass. Laina isn’t bringing much more than personal things she’ll need and since the apartment came furnished, she won’t take any of that, even when she really moves out.
“Does the guest bedroom have an attached bathroom?” Laina asked from her room as I shake my head.
“Yes. Every room does.” I feel certain that she’ll end up in my bed every night, just like I know I’m likely going to sleep here tonight. We don’t talk about the sex that just keeps happening and, in fact, gets better. We just know we can’t stay away from each other. “It doesn’t have the view my room does.”
“That’s okay. There’s always the living room.” Laina tells me, and I chuckle. When I finish packing the pictures that brought back a lot of memories of Boston, I walk into her room.
“Are you ready to call it a night?” I ask as she looks up at me from the floor, where she’s packing some books. “You have work in the morning and the boss won’t let you take a day off if you stay up too late packing to move in with him.”
“What a jerk. I need a new boss.” I help her up and pull her into my arms for a kiss, feeling like this is just natural. I don’t even worry if someone sees it anymore. I just want to do it.
We make love and she falls asleep quickly, likely tired from the excitement surrounding the engagement. I watch her for a while, seeing a small smile cross her face before something sad takes over. I lean in to kiss her hair and think about the nights she’ll be with me every night.
In my bed.