“And I would do it over and over, but what if I’m not there? I wouldn’t survive if you got hurt because of me. I love you too much.”
“I love you too!” Jumping up from the chair, I started pacing the room. This wasn’t going the way I imagined. I would say I love you, and he would say I love you too, then I’d nurse him back to health,and we would live happily ever after.
“I know, baby, but like you said, it’s not enough. Love isn’t enough. You’re not safe with me, and I won’t put you in danger.”
“Oh,fuck you! Don’t use my words against me. I just told you that our love is enough, that I was wrong. How can you do this?” My hands clawed at my chest, pulling on the shirt like I could get to my splitting heart.
Full-on sobs racked Luca’s body. “Baby, I don’t want to, but you’re my number one priority.”
I trembled with anger. If he weren’t lying in a hospital bed, I would’ve thrown myself at him and forced him to submit. But as it was, the machines started to beep louder. Stepping to the end of the bed, I grabbed his toes. “Please don’t do this. Please.”
Luca wiped his eyes and shook his head. “I have to. I love you, Sasha Mitchell. I always will, but you have to be safe. Please go.”
Ignoring his words, I moved to his side and gently grabbed his chin, pressing my lips to his I tried to convince him in the only language I had left. His free hand coiled in my hair, tugging strands from the messy ponytail. Desperation and love exploded between us, neither willing to stop until our lungs screamed for oxygen.
Well, that and a panicked nurse’s shrill demand for us to stop.
Stammering and begging for Luca to change his mind,I fought the tight hold on my arms. The hospital staff ushered me from his bedside, slamming the door shut in my face.
Outside his hospital room, I slid down the wall, and my heart collapsed in on itself. I thought I’d felt pain before, but that was nothing to losing Luca, really losing him. All hope was gone. I didn’t even try to hold back the tears and snot.
I’d never doubted Luca’s love for me, and if love is why he was not with me, then I knew he would never break his word.I said love wasn’t enough to stay together. But for Luca,love was enough to keep us apart.
SEVENTEEN
Three days.
For three days, I sat at home,eating my weight in cookies and ice cream, drinking vodka until my blood could get a vampire drunk.
My little pity party was broken up by Scott and Ashley showing up unannounced.
“Hey! Put me down!”
Scott laughed but kept walking toward the bathroom. Nausea rolled my stomach, so I tried to focus on a fixed spot, but I bounced up and down with each step. His shoulder jammed in my stomach, pushing up my little feast with every jostle.
“How the fuckareyou carrying me, beanpole?”
“Wow, I don’t think I like this,Sasha.” Hurt laced his voice, but the smile on his face kept me from taking him too seriously. “For your information, I lift weights. If you’d ever given mea go,I think you would’ve been surprised by just how much I’m capable of.”
“Good for you. Now put me down, asshole.”
“Gladly.” Entering the bathroom, he sat me in the bathtub.
I scrambled up to my knees, but Ashley was already there. Cold water blasted me in the face, waking me up.
Sputtering water, I glared at my two bitch-ass best friends as they laughed at me.
“You go shower, and we’ll fix you an actual meal.”
“I’ve—”
“No, you haven’t. The sheer number of empty cookie boxes on the living room floor tells me you’re in a full meltdown. I’m making eggs.”
At the suggestion of soft,smooshy, maybe evenalittle runny, eggs, I leaned out of the bathtub and grabbed the edge of the toilet. The previous night’s regrets spewed from my mouth, leaving my stomach empty and my mouth disgusting. Chocolate was not meant to be vomited. I’d wronged the gods.
Scott rubbed my back andsighed. “Oh,Red. What have you done to yourself?”
Resting my cheek on the toilet, I looked at him through blurry eyes. “Self-medication or self-destruction. Who can really tell the difference?”