Oh fuck. I’m all the way in. “I’m going to move,” I say, my voice hoarse. I thrust up into her, short, shallow strokes that send desire raging through my blood. Fuck it, Theo better hurry. I’m not going to last much longer.
Theo moves between her legs and looks down at her, his gaze inscrutable. The clock ticks on. “Lie back on Shane,” he orders. “Spread your legs for me, Addie.” He sheathes himself and thrusts. Addie clenches, and her muscles tighten on my rock-hard cock. Fuck me, this is perfection. She’s milking my length, and I dig my fingers into her hips and thrust. Theo coordinates his strokes to mine.
Her soft moans fill my ears, blotting out everything else. Even that damn timer. Blood pounds in my cock, in my brain. Thought is obliterated, and all that is left is sensation. Heat. Pleasure.
But it’s not possible. Not when she writhes between us. Not when she whimpers and moans and begs for more. I make her come once, and then, when her muscles clench again, I erupt, Theo not far behind.
Addie sits in my lap,her head resting on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her, feeling time slipping between my fingers.
I sometimes joke that Theo is a sunny optimist, a consequence of his privileged background. But here’s the thing. Theo dared to try. He ran all over town, setting up that bedroom. I asked him about it, and he said it was a scene from her book. It takes a lot of guts to wear your heart on your sleeve the way Theo does.
And me? My parents were assholes, and my childhood was hell. Work was no picnic, either. But those things are in the past.
In the present, there’s Addie.
And I want her to be part of my future.
I have to do something. I have to tell her. “When I first saw you seven years ago, I was young and stupid. You were beautiful, a symbol of success, and I wanted it. I wanted you.”
Her body stiffens, but she doesn’t speak. Her face stays buried in my shoulder. I can’t see her expression, so I have no idea what she’s thinking.
The timer counts down, inexorable, unmoved.
“Last week, you weren’t real to me. When you walked into Xavier’s office, I saw Elliot Meyer’s girlfriend. I didn’t seeyou,Addie Byard.” I take a deep breath. “A real, living, breathing woman. In the last seven days, I’ve heard you moan. I’ve seen you smile and laugh. I see you, Addie. And I don’t want that to end. You’re a woman I want to see more of.”
For a long moment, I don’t know if she’s going to reply. Finally, she lifts her head. “You don’t know anything about me,” she says. “Sex doesn’t change that. We don’t know each other.”
“I want to.”
“No, you don’t,” she replies. “The real me spends a lot of her time in a tattered dressing gown trying to write a book. The real me gets absurdly hurt when people ghost her. The real me forgets about birthdays and anniversaries. I’m a barely functioning human being, Shane. I’m not a prize.”
I open my mouth to tell her I get that. I want to tell her I’m no fucking prize either. I don’t form attachments. I’m surly before my first cup of coffee. I spend too much time at work. I’m rubbish at Christmas presents.
But she doesn’t let me. “Please don’t,” she whispers. “Please. . .”
I weigh my needs against hers. It’s no contest. Hers wins. Her needs willalwayswin.
And she doesn’t want this.
This is the end.
Later, much later, when Addie is gone, and it’s just the two of us, Theo stops me. “Do you want out?” he asks.
“It’s over, man.”
“No,” he says, his voice resolute. “There’s still time on the clock. In or out?”
How can he still hope? I don’t get it. “If you want me to back away—”
He shakes his head. “In or out, Shane?”
Maybe the sunny optimist knows something I don’t. Or maybe he’s just stupidly hopeful. I don’t know. I don’t care. “I’m in.”
15
ADDIE
Idon’t remember how I make it out of there. I think I keep my voice light as I thank them for everything. “If Club M had a Dominant rating system, you guys would be a ten,” I say flippantly.