“This is not new,” Xavier says calmly. “You learned who your true friends were when Elliott died. Why are you avoiding menow?”
“I told you, it’s not personal,” I repeat. It doesn’t distract my friend, unfortunately. He just waits for me to answer his question. “Look at these.” I gesture to the thick pile of invitations on the table in front of me. I want to sweep them dramatically into the fireplace, but alas, it’s electric. “Invitations to parties. Art galleries. Elaine Harmon wants me to spend Christmas with them in the Hamptons. The judge ruled in my favor three weeks ago. Now that I’ve inherited half of Elliot’s estate, everyone wants to be my friend again.” I sigh. “Is it any wonder I want to hide? What would you do in my place?”
Xavier rises to his feet. “Come with me,” he orders. He steers me by my shoulders into the foyer and places me in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror there. “Look at yourself,” he says. “Do you know what I see?”
“Someone who looks. . . How did you put it? Serious, moody, and, quite frankly, depressing.”
“No. I see somebody who is too young, too full of life to give up. This bitterness sits on you like an ill-fitting cloak, Addie. Cast it off. You learned that some people only valued you for your money. So what? Fuck them.” His eyes meet mine in the mirror, and he plays his trump card. “Elliot would not have wanted to see you like this.”
My throat prickles. “Don't you dare, Xavier. That's not playing fair.”
“I never promised to play by the rules.” He lets go of my shoulders. “You are my friend, Addie. You are important to me, and I won’t let you fall into this spiral of despair, this malaise. Come to the club. Live again.”
“Club M?” Elliot and I would make the four-hour drive to Xavier’s private sex club at least once a month. The club is located in a real-life castle. The first time we visited, I thought Elliot was taking me to Summit, the luxury resort that takes up most of the castle and surrounding grounds. I had no idea that there was a sex club in the basement. “That part of my life is behind me now.”
“Some men I know want to scene with you. I told them I’d pass on the message.”
Men. In the plural.I stamp out my spike of interest before it has a chance to grow and shake my head. “Are you pimping me out, Xavier?”
He just looks at me.
That was unworthy of me. From the moment I met him eight years ago, Xavier has been my friend. And he seeseverything.Xavier Leforte has one superpower—he can look into your heart and know what you truly need. The success stories are legendary. Xavier introduced Fiona to Adrien and Brody. He played a role in bringing Avery, Kai, and Maddox together. He benevolently meddled in Dixie’s relationship. He made sure Kiera was protected. Xavieralwaystakes care of his friends.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s been two years. I know I should. . .” My voice trails away. “I’m not ready.”I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
He looks at me for a long moment. “It’s your choice,” he says. “I’m not going to push you. But Addie, listen to your heart. Listen to what it’s telling you.” He steps away from me. The tension in the air lessens. “There’s a place and time for tea, or so people tell me,” he quips. “But now isn’t it. Want to drink the port instead?”
Once Xavier leaves,I wander around the too-large condo, my thoughts port-clouded and melancholy. I don’t have a destination—at least, I don’t think I do. Then I find myself outside the playroom door.
I turn the handle and go in.
When was I last here?It’s been years.Elliot and I played here the day he learned he had pancreatic cancer. And a few times after when his health allowed it. Those are good memories, even though they’re bracketed by sadness.
But it’s the memory of the last time I was in this room that is seared into my heart. It was close to the end. One cold, blustery fall day, Elliott had been painfully, wretchedly ill. He didn’t have enough energy to get out of bed. Not even enough energy to sit up. I wanted to sit at his side, but he didn’t want me there. He wanted to be alone.
As much as it had hurt, Iunderstood.Elliott was my Dom. That was part of his identity, and me seeing him like this—frail, ill, more vulnerable than he'd ever been in his life—wasn’t something he could bear.
After leaving the bedroom that day, I wandered through the condo, and my footsteps led me to this room. I slipped in, sat on the floor by the spanking bench, and sobbed. I didn’t need a therapist to untangle why I came to this room to weep. In our playroom, Elliott was in charge, and I was always protected. When he fell ill, and our roles changed so dramatically, this was the room where I retreated to feel safe again.
I step around the spanking bench now, running my fingers over the leather. They come away dusty, which is to be expected. The housekeeping staff doesn't clean this room.
It's been over two years since a man spoke to me in a particular voice. Delicious and dark and stern.Men,Xavier had said.Two? Maybe more?My pulse quickens. I've had a threesome before, one Elliott arranged. It took place at Club M. I was blindfolded. Two sets of hands ran over my body. Two voices barked orders at me. It had been one of the hottest nights of my life.
I told Xavier that I wasn't ready.And I'm not.My heart is still broken, bruised, and raw. But sex? I miss sex. I miss being dominated. It makes me feel disloyal to admit it, but Elliott would understand. Elliott would approve.
Xavier wouldn’t have approached me unless these guys, whoever they were, met with his approval. There’s a good chance he knows them. I’m one-hundred percent sure he’s vetted them. I will be safe.
Anticipation skitters down my spine.
Damn you, Xavier Leforte. Damn you for being right. Again.
It's late, but I text Xavier before I can talk myself out of this.How many guys?
Two,he replies almost instantly.Theo Keppel and Shane Gaffney.
I sit on the spanking bench. My fingers tremble as I type out my next question.What's involved? What's the scene?
I didn't ask them for details,he writes.That would have been presumptuous.Only Xavier would use the word presumptuous in a text message.Shall I arrange a meeting?