Damien
What the fuck am I doing?
Ever since I found out how hard Sophia's life became after being fired, I've been consumed with guilt. And yes, I know it's not rational. But Sophia was important to me, and I can’t help feeling like I let her down.
She is important to me. And that's the rub, isn't it? One look at her, and I can't stop remembering that night. I can't stop wondering what my life would've been like had we not gone our separate ways. I can't stop wondering what my life would be like if she were a part of it.
I want her.
But if there’s to be anything between us, I have to end this arrangement. I was so annoyed at the fundraiser that when I told her to teach me how to be a better human being, I was mostly being snide. Julian called it a dumb idea from the start, and he was right.I cannot have Sophia feeling beholden to me. The million-dollar gift to the community center needs to be just that. A gift. No strings attached.
She called me Thursday morning, asking if she could reschedule. I should have called off the whole thing then, but I hadn't. Something stopped me from uttering the words.
I know why I’ve kept silent. If I tell her to forget about this class, then there’s nothing holding us together. Nothing connecting us. We’ll have no reason to keep in touch, and I might never see her again. She lives in Highfield, and I don't.
Julian lives in Highfield.
That thought sends an unexpected stab of jealousy through me.
A threesome is a funny thing. Ten years ago, I suggested it to Sophia on a whim. She’d obviously been interested in Julian and me, and I was open to seeing where it went. I didn’t really think it through.
Now though? I’m ten years older. I’ve seen more of life. A few of my friends are in polyamorous relationships. Brody, Adrian, and Fiona have been together for a couple of years. Maddox and Kai are involved with Avery, and Hunter and Eric are with Dixie. The older I get, the more I understand it. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. The configuration isn’t as important as the bond that holds them together.
I had dinner with Hunter, Eric, and Dixie last night. It’s a new relationship, but it was obvious that the three of them were a team. It wasn't like there was a primary couple, and the third person was an add-on. The three of them were completely, irrevocably, together.
The idea of both Julian and me being in a relationship with Sophia doesn't bother me. But if the two of them started dating, it would.
And you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
She calls me Saturday morning, and I have an opportunity to call off the whole arrangement. Once again, I don’t do it. Instead, I ask if she wants to help Julian out.
The three of us haven't been alone together in a very long time.
What do I think is going to happen? What do I hope will happen?
I remember what Julian said to me at the fundraiser. You’re generally sensible, but every so often, you do something profoundly stupid.
I really hate when he’s right.