“But this September, I ran into some trouble.” He touched his scar. “I almost died. But I asked God to spare me and promised that I would make a better life, a more respectable life for myself. The letter from Henry’s solicitors finally reached me not two days later. Do you see? This is my fresh start.” He ran the back of his knuckles gently down her cheek. “This could be a fresh start for us both.”
She bit down on her lower lip. “People will talk. Everyone will think I seduced the new earl to keep my position and stay at Belhaven. There was so much gossip when Henry married me, a nobody with no pedigree. I’m not sure I can be the center of another storm of gossip.”
“Do you really care what society thinks? I know I don’t.” He grasped her hands in a desperate grip. His temper built inside his chest. “You’re what I want. You always should have been mine.”
She turned her face away. “Youshouldcare. You are the Earl of Rivenhall now. Your reputation will affect your sisters’ lives and prospects as well as your influence in the House of Lords.” She sighed. “Max, we are not the same people we were when we loved one another long ago. And…” Her voice broke. “I don’t know if my heart can risk any more heartache. No matter how tempting.”
Every word she said was another small slice to his heart. She still couldn’t trust him, even after what they had shared earlier. Old bitterness rose in his throat. “I think you are the same girl you always were. The same girl who was too scared to come with me to Paris when I asked. Too scared to take the chance for happiness, to trust that I could have taken care of you.” All these wasted years, all the heartache. A draft raced over his bare skin, and he turned away from the woman breaking his heart all over again. “Get dressed. You’re right, we should get home before dark.”
Max tugged on his clothes with quick efficiency. He could hear the rustling of clothing from next to him as Olivia dressed. Then she was next to him, her eyes down, she clutched her corset. “Can you help with this and my dress, please?”
“Of course.”
She placed the corset against her abdomen and presented her back to him. He laced her and then helped lift her dress over her head and buttoned up the back. Olivia’s breath came out in jerky pants. “Did I do it too tightly?” he asked.
She shook her head and when she turned around her eyes were red-rimmed and watery. She reached out and placed a hand on his heart. “Max…”
He stepped away before he could be tempted to offer her comfort. “I’ll go get the horse hitched up.” Self-preservation propelled him toward the front door. The physical labor needed to shovel out the snow piled up in and around the sleigh helped burn off some of his foul temper.
The trip back to Belhaven Hall was silent, neither of them having anything left to say. As they drove up the circular drive in the front of Belhaven, the front door opened, and Daniels rushed down the stairs.
“Lord Rivenhall, Lady Rivenhall, you’re unharmed. We were all so concerned.”
Olivia took Daniels’s hand and climbed out of the sleigh. “We managed to take shelter at the land steward’s cottage. We got quite wet but nothing a good fire couldn’t help with. I’m sorry we worried everyone.”
“Both of us could use a hot bath. Lady Rivenhall first,” Max said.
“Certainly, my lord. We will get the water boiling immediately.”
They walked up the stairs and entered the main hall. Max began to shed his still damp outerwear. “Thank you, Mr. Daniels. Where is my family?”
“They are all in the drawing room playing cards.”
Max nodded. “I will go tell them we arrived home safely. Please come get me when a bath is available.” Then, without looking at Olivia, he strode away. He would inform his family they were fine, and then he planned to sink his frozen body into a hot bath and wallow for as long as it took to regain control over his wayward heart.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Olivia smoothed ahand over her hair and took a deep breath before going into the dining room for luncheon. She could do this. She could face Max and his anger. It was well deserved. But she was doing what was best for both of them.Liar, her heart whispered. She ignored it and pasted a smile on her face. When she entered, she found that her bravado was not necessary. Max was not there, but the rest of his family sat around the table.
“Lady Rivenhall, are you recovered from your ordeal? You still look a bit peaked.”
“Yes, I’m better. Thank you. Yesterday was busy with handing out Boxing Day gifts at the open house, so I think I am yet a bit tired.” That was an understatement.
Yesterday during the open house, she could hardly bear the undercurrent of hurt that radiated from Max as she stood next to him in the drawing room to greet their tenants. He hadn’t spoken a word directly to her the whole afternoon. Mr. Bromley had participated in order to be introduced as the new land steward. He couldn’t have made a better impression, and Olivia was surprised to find that she felt relieved to shed the responsibilities of running the estate. She was looking forward to getting back to her bookstore tomorrow.
It didn’t help that the past two nights she’d slept fitfully. Tossing and turning, she berated herself for hurting Max. For ruining their beautiful afternoon together. But mostly, she had lain awake recalling every detail of their lovemaking on Christmas Day, every touch and moan of pleasure. Torturing herself with the sweet words which had spilled from him while he made love to her.
A dozen times had she wondered whether she had said the right things. Perhaps she should have kept her fears to herself and just enjoyed being Max’s lover. But the fear of being hurt again was too large to be stuffed down inside. Everyone she’d loved had left her, Max, her mother, Henry. People leave, people die. She understood that was part of life, but it didn’t mean she would open herself up to that pain again.
She reached for the teapot and poured herself a steaming cup. “Where is Max today?” she asked casually.
“He was invited to spend the day at Lord and Lady Dearborn’s estate,” Max’s mother replied. “I think he and Lady Ashby hit it off on Christmas Eve.”
Olivia’s cup rattled as she set it down. She placed her shaking hands in her lap. “That’s nice. Susanna is one of my dearest friends and a lovely person.” She reached for a piece of bread and bit into it.
Mrs. Drake leaned forward. “Tell me, what is her situation with Lord Hawksridge? Is he courting her? We must assess the competition.”
Olivia widened her eyes, hoping to convey sincerity. “No, Lord Hawksridge is only a good friend. Being Lord Weston’s brother, he has become one of our group.” All of that was true, but that kiss under the mistletoe had surprised everyone. No one would have guessed that Miles could be goaded into a public display of affection. Only Susanna could push him thus far.