She frowned, confused, and released him. He collected his trousers and withdrew the dark blue velvet box he’d so casually tossed aside only moments earlier. He put it behind his back and knelt between her open legs. She lay resting on her elbows, her hair tumbling all around her shoulders and breasts. It was all he could do to not fall on her again, but he had to focus.
“You wondered where I was last night. I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise. I went to London, initially, it’s true, to escape. But I came to my senses and this morning I went to the bank.”
Her frown deepened, and she sat up and drew her legs together. She pulled her dress around her shoulders and stood up. He remained on his knees. “This sounds like business.”
“No. Not business. Definitely not business.” He brought the box from behind his back and snapped it open. Inside, an antique gold ring, encircled with rubies and diamonds, sparked fire in the sunlight. “For you, if you’ll have it.”
But what she did next, he hadn’t imagined, not in his wildest dreams. She looked at the ring, then at him, and took a step back.
“It’s an eternity ring.”
“Yes, it was my grandmother’s ring and she and my grandfather had the kind of marriage which I’d like to have. Long lasting and loving. My grandfather gave it to her soon after they were married because he knew he couldn’t bear to lose her, and my grandmother had many admirers.”
“Your grandfather wanted to bind her to him.”
“Yes. But she accepted, so I guess it wasn’t all one way.”
She blinked. “Maybe she felt she didn’t have many choices.”
It was his turn to frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, she married him. Shouldn’t that have been enough?”
“I guess he felt it wasn’t.”
“No, I guess your grandfather wanted to put a ball and chain around her finger to ensure she stayed with him.”
He got to his feet. “No. It wasn’t like that. They were happily married until they died. It was simply a way of…” He hesitated as he tried to find the words to deny that his grandfather had wanted his grandmother’s commitment that she would stay by his side.
“Of binding her to him.” Indra finished his sentence.
“I suppose. Forget about them. That was them. We’re not them. And I’d like you to accept the ring because I only see the future with you now, Indra. Together.”
She bit her lip and shook her head before looking up from the ring to him.
“The ring is beautiful, Sebastian. But you haven’t said a word about how you feel.”
“I thought that would be obvious.”
“Not to me. Not unless you tell me. And, besides, it’s like I’ve only just been set free and yet you want to tie me down again.”
“No, Indra. That isn’t what I want.”
“Then why the eternity ring? An eternity without love, an eternity without freedom to discover the world outside the boundaries of this estate, doesn’t sound like something I want, Sebastian. It’s like you want to hold on to me, trap me, exactly like everyone else has done. I don’t want that. And I won’t stand for that anymore. You’ve shown me that. I’m sorry.”
He felt the blood rush out of him. The world seemed to sway and momentarily shifted out of focus.
“You’re demanding more than I can give, Indra. You know I’m useless at emotions.”
“Only because you ignore them.” She stepped closer, rolled up onto the balls of her feet and gripped the collar of his open shirt, smoothing her fingers over his chest, and brought her mouth close to his. “You have to learn to embrace them, because otherwise we have no future together.”
The paradox wasn’t lost on him. He’d helped Indra find the courage to be herself and to extend her boundaries. But, in so doing, he’d enabled her to walk away from him. And, as he watched her quickly dress and walk away, he realized there was only one way to keep her, and that was down to him. She was right. He had to do something about facing his own fears, his emotions, and he didn’t have the first idea how to do it.
Chapter12
Sebastian didn’t know how long he stood in his library, staring out the window at the mist which shrouded the tops of the trees, obscuring the distant hills and making the familiar appear strange and magical. It was as if a spell had been cast over Richmond Estate, muffling the sound of the horse’s hooves as they clattered out of the cobbled stable yard for their daily exercise. Usually he joined his manager, ostensibly to check over the horses before the day began, but really because he took pleasure from being in the one place he’d only ever called home.
Now, when he looked back at his life, lived in the shadows of the casinos and the nightlife of the European cities, he hardly recognized himself. He’d been like a kind of wraith, living a half-life. And he hadn’t even known it until now, when he could see how full his life could be, if only he could stretch out and grasp it. But could he reach out and grasp what he most wanted? He shook his head. He knew he couldn’t. Not without giving something of himself which he’d long suppressed and didn’t even know if he had anymore. But unless he did, the greatest prize of all—Indra—wouldn’t want him.