“Right,” he said closing the door and stepping into the room, his eyes apparently now transfixed by the view outside the window. “Right,” he said as if trying to persuade himself that it truly was right.
She grunted with impatience. “Stay there, and I’ll put on my robe.”
As he turned his back to her, she leaped out of bed and grabbed a robe, tying it firmly around her. “You can turn around now.”
But when he turned she blushed, as the expression in his eyes wasn’t as business-like as she’d anticipated.
She cleared her throat, and forced her hands away from the knotted sash which was the only thing hiding her nakedness. She met his eyes steadily. “As I said, online shopping isn’t big in my country.
“That makes it easier. Hopefully we’ll have news soon. But, in the meantime.” He pressed his lips together as if reluctant to speak.
“In the meantime?” she prompted. “What? You want me to leave?”
“Yes. Having you here, is proving… difficult.”
“For whom? You’re the only one who knows I’m here.”
He nodded. “For me. Our relationship has never been easy and, I fear…” He trailed off, as if at a loss for words. He was never at a loss for words.
She held up her hand as if to stop a flow of words which had already stopped. He obviously deeply regretted their brief kiss. It made her angry, because she couldn’t regret it. “That’s fine. You needn’t say anything further. Your meaning is quite clear. You want me to leave, and I shall.”
He sighed and put his hands on his hips, her anger breaking down his last remaining shreds of discomfort. “Don’t do that, Ela!”
“Do what?”
“Go all queenly on me. Jump to conclusions.”
“I thought you’d be pleased I agree to your demands. I thought it would make life easier for you.”
“Nothing to do with you will make my life easy.” They stared at each other in impasse. It was Xander who broke the silence. “Look, I didn’t mean that. What I want is for you to listen to me. I’m not telling you to leave me. I’m saying that we should both leave here together. I’ve spoken to Roshan and he’s suggested we move to the desert palace where the kings meet. We’ll be less… on top of each other there. There will be more physical space and, I believe you’ll be more comfortable in the desert.”
She tilted her head to one side. “And you’re coming with me?”
He nodded his head. “It’s been agreed.”
She suddenly understood. “The others have persuaded you to go with me.”
He gave one brief nod, and in that she understood everything. He couldn’t wait to get rid of her. A jab of pain filled her, swiftly followed by an unfamiliar emotion she refused to name. She quashed it as quickly as it had risen.
“I hadn’t realized you disliked me so much. When you kissed me, it didn’t seem like it.” The moment the words had tumbled out she regretted them.
“Ela! You have to understand! I don’t dislike you and I enjoyed our kiss—I did,” he added. She didn’t know if he were trying to persuade himself or her. “But that is exactly what makes this whole situation impossible! You’re vulnerable and I have no intention of taking advantage of that vulnerability. And, to be honest, I’m afraid that things could get out of hand. On a personal basis,” he said, his vagueness hiding nothing.
She exhaled a tightly held breath of understanding. “Ah. You can rest assured that nothing will get out of hand. I’m not keen for my future to include a man.”
“And why is that?” There was nothing about the tone of his question that was casual. It was evident in the tone, and in his eyes, and the way he stopped shifting around and stood, motionless, awaiting her reply.
“A man will bring me no joy, and I certainly won’t be able to make a man happy.”
“And why is that?” he repeated. It seemed he was determined to get to the root of her pain.
They stared at each other in stony impasse for a few moments, as the secret she kept tight inside her began to ache, as if it wanted to find the relief of openness. She drew in a breath as if about to speak but shook her head instead.
“And why is that?” Xander repeated once more. Then he stepped towards her and she knew that her secret was in danger, as the protective shell with which she’d so competently surrounded herself began to fracture. The thudding of her heart grew louder. It filled her body, her ears, her head. She thought she’d burst as the thudding grew in intensity. She couldn’t seem to get her breath.
“Ela?” Xander repeated. “Are you okay?”
She couldn’t speak. If she did, she thought her heart would literally jump out of her mouth. Either that or a scream would emerge. And she instinctively knew that that scream wouldn’t be a ladylike sound of alarm, but would have all the primeval intensity of an animal cornered.