So he nodded, swallowing but unable to push the hard rock in his throat. ‘I’m sorry, you’re right.’ He spoke slowly, trying to quell his anxiety about ensuring her protection and that she understood all the things he’d set aside for her. She wasn’t ready for any of it—certainly not to listen to all his damned arrangements.
Because this wasn’t abouthim. Not about what he’ddone. That wasn’t going to makeherfeel better. It wasn’t what she needed from him right now. Right now, there was simply their meeting to deal with. The shock of it.
Violet had been right. When it came to emotion—allof the emotions—he was inept. They weren’t just impossible to control, he didn’t know how to express them. He’d always tried to suppress them. Ultimately, recently he’d discovered that didn’t work. So what the hell did? He stared at the ground. What would Violet do?
Try again.Because Violet had courage. And Violet didn’t give up. She would pause, breathe, smile...and she would also be honest. But honesty was hard.
‘How about we start over?’ he said to Ellie softly, trying to ask, not just inform or straight-up railroad her into agreeing. ‘Find somewhere private to talk. We have a lot to discuss.’
Together.
Ellie looked at him searchingly. ‘Really?’
‘Sure. I’ve got my car parked out front.’ Illegally, like the entitled ass he was—expecting everything to work for him the way he wanted. Instantly. He grimaced ruefully. ‘We can sit in there. If it hasn’t been towed already.’
A little laugh burst from her. The sound softened the rock in his throat ever so slightly.
‘Would it be okay if we went for a wee walk instead?’ she suggested. ‘Central Park is only a block away.’
Roman hesitated. There were risks to that—risks she maybe hadn’t yet realised, with her change in status. First up, simply to be seen walking with him would generate speculation. And, when their true relationship was revealed, there was going to be aninsaneamount of attention. There’d be press, there’d be predators. He knew. He’d run the gamut of it all more than once. He’d been duped by con artists wanting access to his money, and they were sophisticated in their attempts. Ellie was going to need support whether she wanted to acknowledge it yet or not. But it also meant maybe this was the one chance they did have to walk in the park in peace. So, despite his misgivings, he nodded.
‘Sure, if that’s what you want.’ He pulled his phone from his pocket. ‘I’ll just get that car moved and we can go.’
She shot him a small smile and turned away.
But, despite finally having managed something to mitigate the awkwardness to even a tiniest degree, his tension wouldn’t ease. Because if they couldn’t talk about the financial plans and security he had in place for her, then there was only the past. It rose like a spectre. And a kaleidoscope of emotion meshed with memories swirled. He had so many questions. So much regret. He didn’t know how or where to begin. Eloise had been in the wilderness fortwenty-one years. Away from her family home, from her birth right. And it was his fault.
‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered as they walked into the park.
She glanced at him, eyebrows lifting.
‘I should have stopped them,’ he added dully. ‘Said something. Done something. I should have...’
There was a silence.
‘Are you talking about the accident?’
He nodded.
More silence. ‘Alex said you were going in and out of consciousness,’ she said. ‘You must have had a head injury. You had to be cut out of the car, right?’
What did that matter? His injuries weren’t the point. ‘I should have said something. I should have called out at the time.’
‘You were ten. You were a child, in shock, badly hurt. It’s a wonder you were still breathing.’ She paused on the path and frowned at him. ‘You don’t seriously blame yourself?’
Again, making it about him wasn’t what he’d intended. He was so frustrated with how this was going down. He should have said more to the rescuers who had found him. Pushed to be heard by the police at the time. He’d been confused, easily convinced what he’d thought he’d seen was wrong. He’d not been strong enough. And as a result Ellie had been raised by strangers and now had to live in hostels and work in bars because she didn’t have much money.
‘I just want you to know, I’m sorry.’ His tone was clipped.
‘You don’t need to be.’
He gritted his teeth. But it wasn’t just that it had been his push to go to Scotland, that he’d not called out at the time, that he’d not been able to move and be able to stop those people from taking her. He’dgiven up. He’d lost faith in his own instinct, in his own memory, in the search for her. He’d all but stopped these past years. And in doing that he’d letherdown. He couldnevermake that up to her.
But he wasn’t going to burden her with more emotional baggage in asking for her forgiveness for that too. She had enough to be dealing with right now. He needed to focus on whatshewanted and needed. He needed to ask her what that was instead of assuming that he somehow already knew. He rolled his shoulders, trying to do better. ‘What can I tell you? What do you want to know?’
Eloise—Ellie—glanced at him. ‘Everything.’
‘Sure you don’t want a waffle to go with that?’ Roman asked as he handed Ellie the hot tea he’d just purchased for her at the waffle cart parked on Central Drive. She had to be hungry as well, but at least he’d got her to agree to a hot drink.