She looked confused.
‘I read an article online,’ he muttered.
Her hands felt even softer now. ‘You’ve been reading pregnancy advice?’
Yeah, of course, he’d wanted to take care of her. But he didn’t think he was doing a great job of it.
‘You really need to get warm, Roman.’
He couldn’t do anything other than look at her. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair was a thick, glossy mess about her face and he knew she’d be warm and soft. Usually sex made him forget everything. It was a distraction, a relaxant. But not with Violet. It had always been more with her. Even that night, when they’d not known anything but each other’s first names. It was too much. Too personal. He couldn’t trust himself to touch her this second. He’d unravel completely. He had yesterday, hadn’t he? He couldn’t let that happen again. He didn’t want to feelthis. He didn’t want to feel anything. He hadn’t for so long.
Last night she’d kept him company, kept him warm. But when he’d woken she’d been gone and it was the worst possible thing. All over again, he’d thought he’d handle it. Hell, he’d even made it through that party last night well enough. But he wasn’t over any of his loss. He never would be. And he couldn’t handle the prospect of any more.
‘Roman?’
She saw it. She sensed the rejection. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you.’
Wild rage flared in his chest—denial and rejection. He didn’t want this—her understanding.
‘Roman—’
‘Leave it,’ he snapped and stepped back.
‘No.’ She walked towards him, keeping close. ‘I’m fine, Roman.’ She took his numb hands and put them on her waist. ‘I’m here. And I’m fine.’
His fingers tightened. He didn’t mean for it to happen but he couldn’t stop any of it. She was real and strong before him.
‘I’m not,’ he muttered. ‘I’m not fine.’ He was finally releasing the truth. ‘I’m angry.’
She nodded.
‘I thought...’ He closed his eyes tight. He couldn’t cope.
But she stepped closer still, holding him. And then somehow she was guiding him. Leading him. He was too tired to resist. Too tired to feel any of this any more. He just followed. He felt her push and there was softness beneath his back, his face. He was so confused, he didn’t know if this was all part of a dream and he’d not woken at all. Because she was here now and she was warm. He was sick of being cold and alone. He didn’t want that any more. The anger and adrenalin evaporated, his energy and strength sapped too. She burrowed tight beside him. He managed to raise his arms and wrap them around her. They were probably too heavy for her...they felt too heavy for him. But she didn’t complain. Her fingertips swirled, softly skating over his chest.
‘I’m tired,’ he muttered. He couldn’t think straight any more. He couldn’t keep his eyes open.
‘I know,’ she murmured. ‘It’s okay. Go to sleep.’
He began to drift. ‘Don’t go.’
She was back with him. Right where he needed her. And he was almost asleep.
‘I won’t.’
He listened for the words he wanted and it was the sweetest of dreams when she spoke.
‘Not ever.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
Christmas Day
ROMANBLINKEDAGAINat the computer screen. His eyes were dry and scratchy and he couldn’t concentrate on reading more than two sentences. He shouldn’t be so tired. He’d slept for hours—far into the day. He’d stirred when Violet had slipped from the bed at mid-morning but to his subsequent amazement he’d fallen back to sleep for another few hours, meaning it’d been early afternoon before he’d fully roused.
He’d found Violet had left a note on the pillow, telling him she’d gone downstairs. Was that so he didn’t freak out when he saw she wasn’t beside him again? He winced at the recollection of his middle-of-the-night terror and fought down the sick feeling that returned with it.
But even though the day had half-gone he hadn’t then gone down to see her. He’d showered and dressed, then sat at his desk. He’d figured that if he worked for a while he might get himself back on track.