‘Of course you did.’
‘But Alex made sure the science was done. He insisted, and he was right to. It was a fraud—a simple contact lens in her eye and a whole sequence of avoidance to reel me in and not question the discrepancies. They’d said the contacts were for short-sightedness. My grandmother was short-sighted, and I just wanted to believe it was her so badly, I overlooked everything that was blindingly obvious. But she wasn’t her. Eloise was dead.’
‘You must have been devastated.’
‘I didn’t handle it well.’ Understatement of the century. He’d been wrecked. ‘It was easier to drown everything.’
‘In women?’
‘And parties and drinking. Everything in excess.’ He stared down at the endless expanse of white sheet. ‘Sometimes I wonder if she was even real. If I just made her up because I knew how much my parents wanted her. But I didn’t. I know she was there...and then all of a sudden she wasn’t. They’ve never found any trace of her. I should have called out. I should have stopped them.’
‘Even if she was taken, you never could have stopped whoever it was. You were badly hurt and you were all alone. You were achild.’
Yeah, that was what Alex had said. It was Alex who had told him to pull his head in when he’d been partying too hard—who’d told him he couldn’t let the accident destroy his life. Alex who’d convinced him it was time to let go, move forward and that he had to build something for himself. And finally, after that terrible hoax, he’d listened. He’d stopped searching. He’d had to. He’d accepted he was never going to find Eloise. She really was gone.
‘It must hurt to be the only one left.’ Violet looked concerned. ‘Carrying the burden of the family company.’
‘It’s the only thing I can do for them. I want to keep some of their dreams alive.’
He’d realised he couldn’t let everything be destroyed. Instead he’d vowed to make the company—the family name—bigger and better. It had given him meaning and purpose in these last few years. And there was a tiny, tiny spark of hope buried deep that, if Eloise ever were found, then he knew it would all be waiting here for her. Not that he ever acknowledged that spark.
‘Like this train.’ Violet waved a graceful hand at the gleaming interior.
‘Right.’ But truthfully the train had never been for the money. The thing ran at a loss. But it had been his grandfather’s passion and Roman wanted to keep it going purely for him. He wanted to be a success at something—anything—that had mattered to his grandparents. He wanted to honour them.
‘It’s other people too—their livelihoods.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Other people’s memories. We give them a magical experience.’
And of course it allowed him a lifestyle that most people barely dreamed of. He had no right to be unhappy. He had it all. He’d done it all. Except this—he’d never got a lover pregnant. Never even had a ‘scare’ before. And he’d never felt this confused or this out of control. It felt like the past and the present were colliding and creating a future he couldn’t cope with.
‘You don’t have any hope of finding Eloise now?’ Violet asked.
‘I’ve delegated any of those enquiries to Alex.’ He avoided answering directly. ‘He protects me from any chancers who turn up claiming to be her. Occasionally they still do. But they never are.’
‘Alex sounds like a good friend.’
‘Guess we all need one, like you said.’ He suddenly laughed. ‘He was runner-up in the “eligible” list this year. He’s quite put out about it. He won last year.’
‘But you toppled him?’ she teased.
‘We take turns.’ Roman turned serious. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been a good friend to you, Violet. You trusted me that night, and I wanted to honour the gift of your trust, but I let you down.’
‘It was an accident. Accidents happen.’ She met his gaze squarely.
‘Yeah. They do.’
And they could have devastating consequences.
‘I don’t want your money, Roman.’
‘I know that, angel.’
They had far bigger issues than that.
Roman knew babies—or the lack thereof—caused strain in relationships. He’d never wanted to board the rollercoaster of conflicting desires and disappointment when people didn’t get what they wanted in a marriage. He’d always wanted to remain alone.
But the stupid thing was, he didn’t want to let Violet go. And he could. He could set her up in an apartment. She could have security, staff, all the safety mechanisms in place. They’d barely have to engage with each other at all. He could still be involved in their child’s life. Violet need not give up her dreams—they could have the best nannies and she could travel if she wished.
But he’d turned selfish. He liked having her here in the chair opposite his with her feet tucked up, a book in her hand and her gaze on the window, watching the world race by with that curious vitality shining in her eyes. A possessiveness he’d never felt before burgeoned. She was his. And he wanted her to be his alone. And honestly he didn’t have much that was his. Things, yes, but not a person.