“You cook?” she asked, looking shocked.
“I have lots of hidden talents you don’t know about.”
She tutted. “Well, that’s because you’ve never told me anything about yourself.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. While I make lunch, I want you to write down all the things you apparently don’t know about. Deal?”
“Fine, if I have to. Although it’s going to be a pretty short list, big man.”
I rolled my eyes at her before peeling off my hoodie so I could start making us lunch. Finding some ravioli from the fridge Addi had stocked, I set about making a sauce, slicing up garlic and herbs to throw in. When I looked up, she was staring at me. “See something you like, Rogue?”
“Domesticity suits you.”
I smiled before I started dicing an onion.
“Matt, what are we doing?”
“I’m cooking. You’re writing a list of my wonderful qualities. Don’t overthink things. What you need to do is heal. We have time to talk about whatthisis when you’re feeling stronger.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Rogue,” I growled. She giggled and for a second she felt like her again, and I couldn’t contain my smile because I knew that bringing her here was exactly what she needed. What we both needed.
We ate on the sofa, and I watched as Frankie struggled with every mouthful.
“Does it hurt to eat?”
“No, but when I feel full, it makes the pain in my chest worse.”
“Okay, so small meals more often. Here, let me take that for you.” I placed my empty bowl on the coffee table and took hers from her. Placing some pasta on her fork, I fed it to her.
“Take your time. We have all the time in the world.”
She chewed and swallowed, glaring at me. “You don’t have to feed me. I’m not a child,” she fired out, frustrated.
“No, but you’re trouble, and I want to make sure you’re taken care of. It’s all I care about.”
“That was on my list,” she said, her voice softening.
“Oh yeah, what else did you realize you knew about me?”
“Quite a lot.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Really, who knew, eh? What else?”
“You hate having hot feet. You love Ironman as much as me, although you really love the Black Widow more and you think I haven’t noticed. You are the most caring man I’ve ever met. You listen to everything I say… I mean, really listen, like you have all the time in the world for me. You’re very bossy, and I don’t mind that at all. You hate talking about your past… but now I understand why. You’re amazing at your job and you keep us all safe. You never do anything for yourself. You love savory over sweet. You hate baths, probably because your feet get too hot. You like to sleep on the right, but you always let me sleep there because I prefer that side too. You get really sleepy after sex, and you have to start your day with at least two coffees, otherwise, you’re a grumpy bear all day.”
“That’s quite a list, considering I’ve never told you anything about myself. I know I didn’t tell you about Emma and Alfie, but you have to understand why. I mean, it's been nine years and I still miss them as much as I did when they first died. You deserve someone to love you with everything they have. I can’t be that person.”
I placed her bowl down on the table, unable to look at her and see the effect my words were having. I hated the fact that I was hurting her.
For a while there was silence until Frankie crawled into my lap, taking my hands and placing them on the small of her back. “You know, I would never expect you to forget about them or even stop loving them. They deserve a place in your heart forever. I’m sure you have enough love in there for all of us,” she said, pressing a kiss over my heart.
“I’m broken,” I admitted as she ghosted her fingers over my chest, her touch reminding me that my heart was very much alive and beating. “I’m so scared of losing someone else that I tried to stay away from you. I wanted to keep you safe.”
She laughed. “And how did that go?”
“Yeah, good point.”