“I wish you could love me forever.” I hated how honest I was being, but I’d realized recently that life was way too short to leave anything unsaid.
“I want to. More than you know. But first, we need to get you sorted. You’re worrying us all, Rogue. I need my fiery, strong brat back. You scared the shit out of Addi out there.”
I didn’t try to answer him or apologize because I didn’t know where to start or how to find the words, so instead, I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy his touch as he conditioned my hair and then washed my body so gently that my skin buzzed. After drying me and helping me into myLittle Mermaidpajamas laughing at the leggings that looked like a mermaid tail, he led me to the couch, while he dried off.
Walking back into the room, wearing only his sweats I wanted to feel that telltale ache in between my legs, but I’d felt so numb for so long that not even his bare feet or the fact I could see the outline of his thick cock stirred up that desire in me.
“Pizza, pasta, steak, soup? What do you want to eat?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“That wasn’t an option.”
“Soup sounds good and bread and maybe a coke.”
“Ice cream?”
“I could do some ice cream. Will you eat with me?”
“Of course.”
He ordered our food before sitting next to me on the sofa, lifting me gently onto his lap. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?”
“Not really,” I replied honestly, running my fingers through his hair. “Tell me about you. What have you been doing? I’ve hardly seen you and we’re not on tour, so what’s been keeping you busy?”
“I’ve been looking after your brothers and setting up a much more secure way of hiring people to be around the band, so we don’t ever get another Rylee situation.”
Her face flashed through my mind and my body tensed. I remembered her rage, how she walked into the room with the drinks, and how her whole personality changed right in front of us. But then I remembered more. Being on stage, Emmy and Tan. I remembered my notebook and the love hearts and then I remembered the note. His note. Matt’s note. My eyes flicked up to his.
“Your wife.”
He let out a long, pained sigh. “Please, Frankie. I don’t want you to upset yourself. Let’s not talk about that now.”
“Your note. You wrote me a note. In my songbook.” I pressed my hand over my heart, which began to burn with the memories leaking into my subconscious. “It’s why I wanted to talk to you. To tell you I’d found it. To say sorry for not giving you a chance to explain. For not being more understanding.” Everything was falling back into place like those funny shaped blocks when you playedTetris.I stared at him, waiting for the remaining blocks to make it all make sense.What had he written…?
“Fuck. I’m so sorry I told you I was too busy. I’ve never forgiven myself for that. If I’d been with you, then you wouldn’t have been alone with that gun. I should have been there. It should have been me that got shot.” Matt paused, burying his fingers in my hair and pulling me into him. “If I could change it… fuck, Rogue, if I could have switched places with you, then I would have taken that bullet and all the pain that followed for you.”
I pushed back from him, stroking his cheek, trying to calm the fear and pain I heard in his voice. “But then you might have died. There was no good outcome to what happened.”
I gasped as I remembered some of what his note had said. “She died,” I whispered, afraid to voice what I was remembering. “Your wife.” I paused while I racked my brain to remember her name, and Matt closed his eyes. “Emma! Emma died. Oh, Bear, I’m so sorry.” I flung my arms around his neck, not caring about the pain that shot through my core from the sudden movement.
“Why wouldn’t you just tell me? There was something else, though. I can’t remember. Can you get the book?”
“Rogue, wait for the food, eat, and then we can talk.” His voice sounded strained, his green eyes glistening with what I guessed were tears for the wife he’d lost.
“No. Now. Please. It’s in the drawer next to my bed. We need to have this conversation, Matt. I need to know what you wrote for me in that book.”
Lifting me from his lap, he walked to my room and got me what I’d asked for. Cradling me again when he got back, I flicked through the pages until I found the one I wanted. Reading it, tears filled my eyes.
“I found your book, and I saw the amount of emotion you poured into your words. I felt bad for looking, so I wanted to leave you something as important,” he whispered as we both stared down at his words.
Once upon a time, I met my true love. I married her. We had a son, Alfie. I had a life I loved. A wife and son that filled my heart with love. They were my everything. I promised to love them until the end of time. On the 5th May they were murdered while I was at work. I was too busy being a hotshot cop to save them. I can’t give you 100% of my heart because part of it will always belong to them. I will always love them. I love you, Frankie, but you deserve someone who can give you their whole heart. You deserve nothing less than being someone’s everything.
“Oh, Matt.” I leaned my forehead against his while he let his pain free. Something, I realized guiltily, that I should have let him do months ago.
“I’ve wanted to tell you so often, but it’s so hard to talk about. And you were so furious about me being married.” He wiped the tears from his face.
“Why did you say that you were married? You could have said you’re widowed and I would have understood.”