AsIlaynextto Frankie, watching her sleep, I couldn’t help the wave of guilt that crashed into me as I thought about the last time I’d seen Emma and Alfie. I’d fed Alfie his breakfast while Emma made us coffee. We’d talked about our plans for the weekend to take Alfie to the zoo with some of his friends from the baby group Emma took him on Fridays, where they sang songs with silly hand movements.
It was a normal, happy morning with no indication that eighteen hours later they’d both be gone, and I’d never get another smile from either of them. I absentmindedly traced the tattoo on my chest, trying not to let their memories send me running from Frankie.
I’d made her a promise and I’d meant every word. I couldn’t forget about my old life, and I didn’t want to. I loved them. I would always love them. But I would give her what was left of my heart and I wouldn’t run, but realizing I felt happy had unleashed a torrent of guilt because I didn’t deserve happiness. I didn’t deserve Frankie.
“I can hear your thoughts, you know,” she mumbled, still half asleep. “Something is eating you alive. I can feel it, even in my sleep.” Turning, she curled into my side, wrapping her arm over my body, holding me to her. “It’s the sort of thinking that usually sends you running. Should I expect to wake up to an empty bed, Matt?”
“Just thinking, Rogue. No need to disturb your sleep. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
“I know you’re not because I’m keeping a tight hold of you and you made me a promise earlier. But you know, you can talk to me, right? About anything. There is nothing you can say to me that will change how I feel about you.”
“I know. I can talk to you about anything else, but not about this.”
“Because you don’t want me to know?”
“Because it’s too hard to talk about.”
“Kay.”
“Hey, come here. One day I’ll tell you, I promise. I just need some time.”
“That I can live with,” she murmured, running her fingers over the back of my head, soothing me.
I kissed her softly, tasting the minty toothpaste on her breath.
“Matt?”
“Yes, Rogue.”
“Can I ask you a dumb question?
“Always.”
“When we get back to the UK can we go on a date? Like a proper pick me up at the door and do something fun to try to woo me type date?”
“Woo you, eh? I think that sounds like a challenge. Where would madame like to go on her date?”
“The fun fair. You know, like you see in the movies. We’d go on the Ferris wheel, and you’d hold my hand when I got scared of being up high and win me a giant teddy, before kissing me until my knees go weak.”
Rolling on top of her, caging her in with my arms, I pressed my lips against hers, letting my tongue dominate her mouth.
“A kiss like that you mean?” I murmured against her lips.
“Just like that,” she panted out breathlessly, her legs falling open wider, letting my cock slip to her entrance.
“Do you know how many times we’ve had sex and I haven’t thought about using a condom once? Shit, that’s not good, Frankie.”
“I know you’re clean, Matt. We all get checked all the time and I’m on the pill. I trust you.”
“Good, because I like feeling my cum dripping out of you too much to start fucking you with a condom.”
“I don’t seem to have any dripping out of me right now,” she stared at me, her eyes dark with need.
“Is that right? Well, we’ll have to fix that, won’t we?”
“I think it’s your duty to fix that, big man.”
“Lift,” I instructed, and she pulled her hips upward as I pushed two pillows under her, tilting her body. “Put your hands above your head.”