As I draw my knees up under my chin and hug them tight to my body, Tanner pours more tea from the iron kettle. Mack opens Thessaly’s book and starts to pore over its words. Luther announces he needs to go for a walk. I’m about to stop him when Kole raises his palm at me. “He needs a minute, Little Star.”
I glance at Tanner. He squeezes my hand. “Luther was yourhusband,Nova. You had a child together.”
At the word ‘child’, a tsunami of tears rattles my chest. I screw my eyes shut and let Tanner hold me while I sob. When the crying ends, and Tanner presses a mug of tea into my hands, I try to feel something. Anything. I’ve gone from being overwhelmed by emotion to almost completely numb. Dragging my thoughts from Ava’s memories, which are still assaulting my brain, I ask quietly, “That’s why we’re supposed to save the world? The six of us? Because we loved each other, and our love can make powerful magick?” I laugh a little and shake my head. “I just don’t see how…”
“You didn’t feel it.” Luther’s voice makes me turn around. He’s back, standing in the doorway of the tent. When he ducks inside and sits down next to Kole, he looks at me across the fire. “You died. You were gone. You didn’t feel it. How it was for us.”
I open my mouth to reply, then realize he’s right. My vision ended when the flames engulfed me. But perhaps they saw more than that.
“It broke us,” Sam says quietly.
The expressions on their faces make my throat tighten with tears. Love swells in my chest. The way I love the five of them bleeds into the way Ava loved her men. It fills me up until there’s no room left inside me because I’m carrying her feelings and mine and, surely, one person can’tfeelthis much.
“Is this what it feels like in your head?” I turn to Mack and tap my temple. “Is this what it’s like to have two different sets of thoughts and feelings living in your head all the time? The same but different? Yours but not yours? Because, right now, I have no idea where my feelings end and Ava’s begin.”
Mack’s lips twitch. Without answering me, he puts down the book and brings me into his lap, cradling me against his chest. I sigh and breathe him in. After several long moments of silence, Sam is the one who speaks up.
“What do we do now?” he asks, knees up against his chest, arms wrapped around them. “We knowwhywe’re part of the prophecy, but how does this help us?” When no one answers, he repeats, “How does this help us defeat Ragnor? Because he’s almost ready. He’s going to bring Elena back to life, and he’s going to give The Shadow King Nova’s name. So, how does this help us?”
33
MACK
It doesn’t fucking help. Not one bit. Sure, it’s nice to know why we’re part of the prophecy and where Nova’s power comes from. It might helpmeto know that my sister killed herself because The Hollow was damned to hell from the moment we set foot in it. Laced with evil. Dripping with darkness.
But Sam’s right; it does fuck-all to help us defeat Ragnor.
Kole can tell I’m angry. He rubs his knees, stands up, and says, “I’m going to speak to my mother. I’ll be back.” Then he disappears outside.
Usually, I do my best to stay calm. To be the responsible one who analyses a situation and comes up with answers. But right now I am anything but calm.
“Mack?” Nova puts her hand on my chest, like she can feel me vibrating beneath her and wants to calm me.
“I need a minute.” I stand up, sliding her off my lap, and stumble outside. I’m barely into the trees when Snow takes over. It happens quickly. More quickly than normal.
We stand, shaking, breathing hard, hot breath puffing out from our large black nose.
Then we stand on our hind legs and roar. It shakes the trees and the ground. It makes birds fly from their branches. But it doesn’t dampen the pain.
Layla’s face races through our head. How many times did she tell us she was sad, but that she had no idea why? How many times did she beg our parents to leave The Hollow? How many times did she tell us she had nightmares that stayed long after she woke?
Shoving our recently dislocated shoulder hard into a nearby tree, we yowl in pain. It hurts like fuck, but we deserve it. We should have listened to her.
We’re ramming our huge, muscular body into the trunk again, and again, and again when Nova finds us. She stands just beyond the shadow of the trees and waits.
Slowly, we latch onto her presence. When we finally stop thrusting our already-injured shoulder into the tree, and stand barely able to breathe, she comes to us. She weaves her fingers into our fur, then strokes our face. We lean into her. Snow is almost purring.
“You couldn’t have known,” she whispers. “You couldn’t have protected Layla because you couldn’t have known.”
And, with that, our heart breaks all over again.
* * *
When we returnto the tent, I’m myself again and Nova is holding my hand. The others look up. With no clothes at hand, I grab a blanket and wrap it around my waist. Without speaking, as I sit next to him, Luther puts a firm hand on my shoulder. He knows my past. Apart from Sam, they all do.
“Nova will explain later,” I tell him.
“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Sam says.