It didn’t make me super uncomfortable, but I’d rather people save their money than spend it on me. There were other more important things to buy.
“I’mmostlyokay with it.”
“Mostly?” He laughed and swallowed a sip of wine. “My ex-wife loved receiving gifts – the more the merrier,in her opinion. You not liking receiving them, well, that’s a first.” He chased his head shaking with another gulp of red. “Any particular reason then for not celebrating the holiday? I’m sorry to be asking, I’ve just never met anyone who didn’t like Christmas, and I’m genuinely curious.”
But I couldn’t answer. As easy as it had been to share with Jesse all about Lily’s past andthe tip of the iceberg of my marriage being over, I couldn’t share the truly personal details.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It sure does.”
“Nope. I’m just me. One little person in an ocean of people. Me not enjoying the holiday won’t affect anyone.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “I beg to differ.”
It hit me like a two-ton truck, in a way I didn’t expect.He wanted to watch a movie and instead we’re out here, so in a way, yeah, I did affect someone. The same had been with Charlie. He went overboard on decorations at work because I couldn’t stand them in the house.
“Fine. I’ll tell you why, but you’re not going to like it.”
“Let me be the judge of that.”
“You’ve been warned.”
Chapter Eight
I twisted in my seat, giving my full attention to the handsome manacross from me. “You see, the thing is, back when I was a teenager, Lily was in full rebellion…”
“Yes, I remember you saying how wild she was, and how your dad had to stop watching her to take care of your mom.”
“That’s right.” I pulled theblanket up higher, even though I wasn’t cold. The patio heater above was raining down plenty of warmth. “Well, Mom always loved Christmas. Like she could give you a run for your money with decorating. Our house was lit up from one side of the lawn to the other, and every room had a tree in it, even if it was just a little one. But on Christmas morning, there would be an extra little present under the tree in our room. It was always the same – a special ornament she found that spoke to her in some way.”
Even in the evening glow, it wasn’t hard to miss his smile. “Sounds like your mom and I would’ve had a lot in common.”
“I’m sure you would have.” I ranthe tip of my finger absently around the rim of my wine glass as I wondered what it would be like. Had she not died, the Christmas traditions would’ve carried on. “Her final Christmas, she wanted to come here. To the beach house.”
A tiny tear rippedacross my heart, recalling the way Dad carried her up the steps and over to the couch. She was so frail; it was too much work to do on her own.
“And as sure as we set foot here, Lily was gone.”
“She needed to seek comfort in her friends?”
I shrugged, having never seen it that way. “Maybe. Or she just couldn’t stand…”
The words wouldn’t come out. It had been hardwatching my mother deteriorate, especially in the time leading up to college when we knew the end was coming. She insisted I still go away but in those three short months her health declined rapidly. When Dad mentioned it was important to have one last Christmas in her favourite place ever, I would’ve been a fool to have passed. All these years, I’d always thought Lily had seen it as an invitation to go partying.
“Lily andme shared the upstairs bedroom, and per Mom’s instructions, we still had to have a little tree in there. Dad had brought both Lily and I’s, and we set them up, knowing full well there wasn’t going to be an ornament under the tree, but still, we pretended.” A lump formed in the back of my throat. “Christmas Eve we all gathered around the couch watching her favourite movie ever –It’s A Wonderful Life– when she started gasping for breath.”
Jesse moved his chair closer andinnocently reached for my hand, his thumb stroking the top of my knuckles.
“Dad sent Lily, who had, by a stroke of luck, managed to be around for a short spell, to start the car and warm it up, while I called 911 to have them phone ahead to the closest hospital.”
Ambulance service in a small town was pretty much nil, and the nearest hospital was still an hour away.
“After I hung up, I drove to Spirit Bay as fast as I could, while Dad cuddled in the backseat with Mom. Lily sat beside me, texting on her phone likewe were going out for pizza or something.” I didn’t mean for my words to be laced with anger, but yet, after all this time, there it was.
Jesse readjusted the blanket on my lap when I pulled my legs tighter.
“Dad’s sobs from the backseat were really hard to ignore, so I broke all the laws racing her to the hospital. But I wasn’t fast enough. When we got there, the doctors and nurses put her on a stretcher, but she was already gone. She’d died in Dad’s embrace.”