I shrugged and unwrapped my pita,folding over the edges of the wax paper slowly and methodically. “Have you always lived in Cheshire Bay?”
“Nah. Moved here a few years back.” He took a hearty bite of his food.
“Well then, you didn’t know Lily when she was a teen?” I stared at the napkin as he dragged it across his mouth – lucky napkin.
Jesse stareddeep into my eyes.
“She was always a wild child. Rebellious wouldn’t even be the right word.Lily and Mom disagreed on just about everything right from the get-go, and Dad didn’t want to ruffle the already ruffled feathers, so he stayed out of things. But oh boy, she was a bad kid. Always drinking and doing drugs, defying curfew, that kind of thing.” I shook my head from the memories, unable to stop sharing once I got going. “It was way worse when we were here for the summer as she was the most popular kid in the Bay area from the time she was eleven or so. By then, my parents had pretty much given up on her for those months and allowed her free reign, so to speak.” Until I needed to go and rescue her.
Jesse’s jaw hit the table. “You’d never know it now.”
There was something comforting about Jesse, somethingallowing me to talk about the past without fear of being ridiculed or highly judged.
I hadn’t had a connectionlike that with another adult in years, and it egged me on to spill more. “No. She’s turned her life around, and I’m very proud of her.” I fiddled with my drink and finally pulled back the tab. “But when Mom first got sick, Lily was only fourteen. And if rules were made to be broken beforehand, there was no way her sickness was going to make anything better. So… I stepped up since Dad was too busy taking care of Mom.”
“Sounds like you had to.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe she would’ve been fine. I’ll never know.” It wasn’t ideal in the least. “But I spent most of my summers trying my damnedest to keep trouble away from Lily, but it still found her. She did drugs, and smoked a lot, and had more sex before the age of sixteen than I’ve had in my married life. And she spent most of her teenage years hating me.”
Jesse cast his gaze to the basket of fries and pulled one out, popping it into his mouth.
Yeah, I’d look away too. And I did.I took a quick sip of my drink and stared at the counter where the Decoy Santa was crafting another order.
“Anyways, our relationship was very one-sided. I was always watching out for her, mothering her, if you will. Even when I stopped coming to the beach house after Mom died, I was still her mother-figure. We both knew that. I wasn’t her sister. I didn’t confide anything to her, and whatever she shared with me, I already knew thanks to social media. I was the last person she confided in. When my marriage fell apart, I couldn’t admit to anyone. You’re the…”
No one at work knew, and no one questioned anything when I needed to change my direct deposits. I didn’t even have the heart to tell Jesse he was the first to know. How sad was that?
“Sounds like you grew up before your time.”
“Maybe.” I took a small bite and chewed carefully.
“It’s not my place to ask, but since you’re sharing… While you were busy caring for your sister, and your dad was busy caring for your mom, who was busy taking care of you?”
I pushed back against the plastic backrest and stared – not a harsh stare, but one of complete astonishment. My heart squeezed a little bit as memories flipped through my mind.
“I was old enough to take care of myself.” Which was true.I pretty much had been since my middle teens.
“You’re what, two years older than Lily?”
“Eighteen months.”
He chewed a few more fries, heavily coating them in ketchup, and then took another bite of his pita.
“I know what you’re thinking.”
Finally, his gaze connected with me. “I highly doubt it buttry me.”
However much I wanted to,I couldn’t give voice to the words. They were all there in my mind, but were swirling around so much, they’d never find an exit, at least not one that made any sense.
Instead of speaking, I sighedand stacked my fries, sprinkling them with a fresh dusting of seasoning salt. “Regardless of what happened back then, I simply can’t tell Lily my marriage ended months ago. Not yet. She has a sweet son and a doting husband and is getting married in two days.”
“You don’t think she’d care to know aboutyour… situation? Maybe the tables have turned, and it’s her turn to take care of you.”
I shookmy head. “Although she’s grown up, and she’s not as wild as she was, I don’t want to burden her with that kind of news.”
“How long do you think it’ll be before she puts the pieces together herself? This Charlie can’t be on vacation or business trips forever, right?”
He was right, of course. The last two times we’ve gotten together, Charlie was absent, and while Lily may have been a wild child, she was pretty smart.