Okay. Fine. Fin knew hedefinitelyshouldn’t have been sohard on Chloe.
He knew he was being unfair to her and yet, he couldn’t let go of his anger. He knew that Chloe had suffered the same loss he had, that they had both been grieving when she left, but it was the walking away that killed him.
When they had needed each other most, she turned her back on him.
Even if he could forgive her and let go of the anger, how could he trust her again?
Is this what she was going to do every time something bad happened—just leave? Fin knew he couldn’t take that.
He’d had enough people walk away from him in his life that he could never take Chloe back knowing that at any moment, she could do the same thing. He would live in a constant paralyzing fear that after every argument she would walk out the door. Or every time she didn't get her way. Or what if they lost another baby? Or if they had children and one of them got sick or hurt. Or if one of them lost their job or they had financial troubles. There were so many things that could go wrong, and he couldn’t live knowing that any one of them could send Chloe packing again.
There was no way he was subjecting himself to that. Or any potential children they may have had.
He and Chloe were done.
There was no chance of them reconciling.
He knew that. He was even okay with it, although it did hurt.
So why was he feeling so awful?
Fin sighed and swirled the coffee in his cup.
He knew why he felt so awful. It was because he’d been deliberately mean to Chloe. He had wanted to hurt her like she’d hurt him. Which was childish and pathetic, and he was pretty sure it made him a terrible person.
He knew he had to remember that Chloe had been grieving,too, and she hadn’t deliberately left to hurt him.
Tonight, she had offered him an olive branch, and he’d thrown it back in her face. She’d said she loved him and he’d lashed out. Wasn't that what he wanted? For her to still love him?
Maybe it would be easier to forgive her if she hadn’t pulled away from him so soon after their son died, but it had been almost instantaneous. It made him wonder if she had wanted out of the relationship before that but felt trapped because of the pregnancy. Then once their baby was gone, there was nothing tying her to him anymore, so she had run.
Neither of them had been ready for the news that Chloe was pregnant. They hadn’t been planning on having kids with him just finishing up his residency and Chloe just starting her career in the FBI. They’d been shocked to know that they were going to have a baby.
Shocked but happy.
At least, that’s what he had thought.
But maybe he’d been wrong all along.
Maybe Chloe hadn’t been all that happy to have something that would tie her to him forever.
Fin knew he should cut her some slack. She’d been in a lot of physical pain from the accident as well as the emotional pain from the loss they had both just suffered, but the fact that she’d withdrawn so quickly filled him with so many doubts.
None of those doubts excused his harsh treatment of her tonight.
Perhaps it would have been good for both of them to lay the past to rest. To make peace, maybe even remain friends, so they could both get closure and be able to move on with their lives.
Instead, he’d made her cry.
He knew that because he’d heard her as he’d stood outside the office door, an internal struggle raging inside him. Should he goback inside and accept her apology and let her down gently, or should he leave things as they were where he’d made it clear to her that it was over between them?
In the end, he had taken the coward’s route and fled.
Not that he’d fled very far.
He was holed up in the doctor’s lounge, not wanting to go home to the house he had shared with Chloe—the house where the nursery for their son was still just as it had been the day of the accident. The house that was so full of memories that they seemed to burst right out every time he opened the door. Fin hated staying in the house, and yet he couldn’t leave it.
Tossing back his head, he drank the now cold coffee in one long gulp.