“Cereal too I guess,” she replied.
While Sam organized the food, Rylla took a seat at the table. She was pleased and yet not pleased that Nate was sitting across from her.
She was so confused about him. She’d thought that something was developing between them, he’d kissed her, she’d let go of her anger toward him, she had resolved to set aside her fear, they had spent the night talking, she had drawn strength and comfort from him. Then all of a sudden, he had backed away.
It was like a switch had been turned.
They had been talking about Sam and Naomi, about how much Sam loved and worried about Naomi and their unborn baby. She had been thinking of Nate and wondering if maybe someday there could be that kind of love between them. But when she had looked at him something had been different.
Gone was the softness in his face, the longing in his eyes, the closeness she felt with him. In its place was distance. Almost coldness.
She didn't know why he had pulled away, or why he was sending her mixed signals.
When she had asked if he wanted to come upstairs and lie down with her, she had expected him to say yes, but he hadn’t, he had turned her down. Again. Not even willing to commit to still being there in the morning.
Rylla had gone upstairs, curled up in bed, and cried. Sobbed might be a better word. She had sobbed so hard and for so long that her chest had ached, and her eyes burned. She didn't cry much. When Josh and Elianna had died of course, and when she’d thought Naomi was going to die, and a few other times, but on the whole she wasn't a crier. But she had felt so stupid. She’d gotten up the courage to ask Nate out, he’d turned her down. Then she had forgiven him and gotten up the courage to let it all go and see if she and Nate could have something, then he’d turned her down again.
So exhausted from lack of sleep and torrential tears, she had finally passed out into a deep, dreamless sleep. When she had gotten up the next morning, she had expected Nate to be gone. She wasn't even sure if she’d ever see him again or if he was gone for good.
But he’d still been there. And he’d stayed all day yesterday. Then here he was again this morning, he’d obviously been here all night.
He was sending her all sorts of mixed messages, and it wasn't fair. She was dealing with enough right now. He could either stay here with her if he wanted to, but he was also free to walk away, she didn't want him to play games.
Feeling eyes on her, she looked up and Nate quickly glanced away. Why was he watching her? If he didn't want to date her that was up to him, but then why stay here? He’d said that fear had him saying no when she’d asked him out at the wedding, was fear holding him back now too?
Sam was just setting down bowls of cereal when her doorbell rang.
“I’ll get it,” Sam immediately offered.
Rylla shook her head and stood slowly. “No, I’ll go.” She couldn’t take another second of sitting there with Nate watching her but pretending he wasn't. She understood being afraid, but Nate had to make the decision of whether it was worth risking being hurt and setting his fears aside. Until he made his choice, he should keep his distance. It was too hard having him here but not really having him.
“Matthew.” A bad feeling washed over her when she opened the door to see her partner standing there. She shoved those feelings away, her partner had just come by to give her another update on the case.
“Morning, Rylla,” Matthew said, “may we come in?” His tone was off, and that bad feeling was quickly upgrading to a cold knot of dread that set itself firmly in her stomach.
“Sure.” She stood back so Matthew, Jonathon, and Allina could enter. Why were the others here? She knew they were working the case with Matthew since she had been removed from it, but usually her partner came by on his own to give her updates. The last time the three of them had arrived at her house they’d been here to tell her that Mila had been abducted.
She led them into the living room, where Sam, Naomi, and Nate appeared in the kitchen doorway. Rylla wanted to ask what was going on, but at the same time the cold knot of dread warned her not to ask.
So they all just stood there.
Her brain knew what was coming but she was fighting against it.
“Rylla,” Matthew began, his brown eyes full of sympathy. “I'm so sorry.”
“Sorry? Why?” She still clung to denial. Memories were flashing through her mind. The knock on her door, opening it to find two somber faced young police officers, hearing the news that there had been an accident, learning Josh and Elianna were dead, the shock, the pain, the denial, the tears, the swirling in her head, her knees buckling, the cops attempting to offer comfort.
“Mila’s body was found this morning,” Matthew said in a rush.
The room seemed to spin around her.
“Rylla?”
She heard the voice, knew it belonged to her partner, and yet it sounded like it was very far away.
“Rylla?”
This time the voice was Naomi’s, and her friend suddenly appeared in front of her, her face fading in and out of focus.