Chapter Twenty-Five
Lauren
“Lore?”Trista’s voice comes right after the door creaks open, but I’m too much of a wreck to care. I hear her shuffling around, looking for me through the apartment with steps that get quicker by the second until she bolts into the walk-in closet with blue eyes wide and a gasp to find me sitting on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably like I’ve been doing for the past forty-five minutes.
“Hi,” I manage with a hiccup.
She rushes to me, hands on my hair, my face, my belly. “Are you okay? Did you fall, have cramps, pain, anything?”
“I slept with Michael.” My own words send me into another fit of wails, and my head drops into Trista’s lap.
“Okay.” I hear her breathe a sigh of relief, rearranging herself on the floor until she settles into a comfortable position. “It’s okay, Lore.”
“No. It. Isn’t!” I protest in heaves. “It’s confusing and selfish, and I’m pregnant, Tris. I don’t know how to be a mommy. I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t be responsible for another human being’s life. I can’t do this. I don’t know how and I’m scared.”
“I know, sweetie.” She hugs me and kisses my temple. “But did you notice the one thing you aren’t?”
“What?”
“Alone.” It takes a few seconds for my sobs to reduce to sniffles, and I realize she’s right. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel alone.
“Yeah, having the clan coddle me half to death…” I trail off, rubbing my bump and thinking how lucky my little Gremlin is for having this giant insane family who will unconditionally love him. “I’ve never had anybody accept me as their own so easily.”
Trista shakes her head with a soft laugh. “Sweetie, I love you to bits and still want to murder my brother for knocking you up like a dumbass. But we both know the rest of us are just a bonus.”
I sit up and wipe my eyes so I can see a less blurry version of her. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe you’re so upset about sleeping with Michael because he’s the real reason you don’t feel alone anymore, and what scares you is losingthat?”
“But, the baby—” I start, and Trista shakes her head to cut me off.
“The baby is an excuse, Lauren.” She places her hand on mine. “Do you think for one second that boy will be left wanting for anything, love included, if you and Michael don’t work out?”
“Of course not, but…” I trail off, not sure how to finish my reasoning.
“Butyoumight?” Trista tilts her head to the side and squeezes my hand. “I get that this entire situation is confusing and scary as hell, even without throwing in a new relationship. But there’s nothing wrong with you having feelings for Michael, Lore. And it’s okay to act on them. Take a chance.”
All I can see is my grandparents, how much strength and will to survive they must have had to pick up the broken pieces of their lives and start another family after the one they had taken away. And I’m wondering if Michael is doing the same and if I’d be willing to live with that.
Trista scooches closer and sighs. “I know he told you not to fall for him back in LA. But I think you and I both know it doesn’t work that way, and you were in deep way before Gremlin was an issue.”
I sniff and shake my head. “What if he isn’t ready?”
“What if he is?”
I rub a palm over my bump, considering Trista’s words, and the only coherent thought I manage to form is that I wish Michael were here. He’d know what to say to make it better.
Trista laughs and shakes her head. “Are you thinking about my brother right now?”
“How’d you know?” I frown.
“You had a goofy smile.”
“I donothave a goofy smile.”
“Only when you’re thinking about Mikey,” she teases, and I roll my eyes.
“Who’s thinking about me?” Michael pops his head through the door. “It better be you.” He points in my direction. “Less chances it was murderous.”