Adam didn’t look surprised. “Sure, sure. I get that. But if you try, I might be able to understand.” He smiled genuinely. “And we won’t know unless we give it a shot.”
Brent appreciated that he used the wordwe, as if he was already invested in this, whatever this was. “Well, you know I’ve only started following Jesus a little while ago. Well,tryingto follow him.” Seemed he hadn’t yet done that successfully for more than a minute at a time, but he was trying.
Adam gave him a small nod, focusing intently on his next words.
“And I just ...” Why was this so hard? “I hear all this talk about peace. About the peace of God. And I believe. I really do. I have felt God’s ... well, his realness. But I’m ...” He wished Adam would finish his sentence for him, somehow knowing what he was trying to say.
Adam didn’t say a word.
“I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing. I’m praying. I’m reading my Bible. I’m coming to church. But I still feel very ...” He didn’t want to use the word unhappy, though that was close. “... restless?” That wasn’t quite right either. “I hear everyone talking about this peace of God. I don’t feel it, so I’m wondering if I’m really where God wants me to be? I feel like I’m missing something.” Boy, was he butchering this.
And it was clear that his pastor had no idea what he was talking about. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
Brent chuckled dryly. Wasn’t that the whole point of coming to talk to a pastor? He didn’t really know. This was the first time in his life that he’d had a pastor. “Sure.”
“Great, now know that there is no judgment here. I’m only trying to get a picture of you and your life in my head.”
Brent braced himself for the question.
“Do you use any chemicals to relax?”
Chemicals? Like bleach?
“Nicotine, alcohol, pot?” Adam looked like he wanted to add to his list, but he didn’t.
“I was quite a partier back in college, but I don’t drink anymore.”
“And why’s that?”
Brent shrugged. “I sort of outgrew it. I have to get up and go to work in the morning. Hangovers aren’t funny. Neither is being broke. Alcohol is expensive.”
Adam looked stumped, and Brent wished he hadn’t come.
“Okay. I was thinking maybe that you had used something to help give you some sense of peace and that maybe without that, you were experiencing some withdrawals.”
Brent’s mouth filled with a bitter taste. “Alcohol never gave me peace.” Maybe nothing ever had. God had come the closest, but it still didn’t feel like the peace that all these Christians were describing.
“You’re right,” Adam said matter-of-factly. “Chemicals cannot give real peace, but I know that people use things like alcohol to help them relax. Unwind. Calm down.”
Oh. Yeah. That. That had been his ex-wife to a T. She absolutely couldn’t relax without having three drinks first. It had driven him crazy.
It had driven him away.
Thinking about Sammy made his chest hurt, and he tried to suppress that pain, again wishing that he wasn’t in this office in this church. Why had he come? This man couldn’t help him. Maybe he just needed to pray more.
“And your work? You like it?”
He sat up straighter. “I do. Might not sound impressive, but I like it.”
“Keeping people warm in Maine is God’s work.” Adam smiled.
Yes, it was, wasn’t it? He’d never thought of it that way before. “I might just steal that line sometime.”
Adam’s eyes widened a little. “Go ahead. I don’t often have lines worth stealing. I’m not much of a wordsmith.”
Odd trait for a preacher, Brent thought, but didn’t say.
“And what about your love life? You’re divorced, right?”