“You knew?”
Terrance and I stare at each other, shocked into sudden silence. In the deafening quiet, Lennon’s voice seems to echo over and over.
I turn, my stomach bottoming out at the sight of Lennon in the study doorway. Neither Terrance nor I had noticed her standing there; we’d been too engrossed in our own argument. And now the cost of our negligence, our anger is the devastation on her face.
“Answer me,” she rasps, stepping farther into the room. “You knew?”
“Lennon, I,” I murmur, moving toward her, but her gaze is fastened on her father.
“Dad,” she whispers. “You knew about me and King all those years ago. And you never said anything?”
Kade, Mac and Gideon appear in the study entrance, worry etching their faces, but I spare them only a passing glance. All I can see is Lennon and the pain darkening her eyes, pulling her mouth tight…
“Baby.” I cup her elbow but she violently shakes me off.
“No,” she barks, shooting me a look that cuts me straight to the bone. To my soul. “Don’t touch me.” Switching her attention back to Terrance, she continues in that same fury-laced, trembling voice. “It was you. All these years, I’ve wondered why he abandoned me, thinking it was me, something I did—something I wasn’t,” Jesus, that hurt. “and it was you. And you saw me hurting, and you never said a word. You could’ve alleviated my pain, my confusion, my grief at any time andyou chose not to. Instead, you stood back and watched. Who does that to their daughter?”
“I did what I needed to do to protect you,” Terrance thunders his same tired line.
“No,” she shouts back, slicing her hand through the air. “You don’t get to claim that anymore. Protecting me would have been telling me the truth. Protecting me would’ve been stopping me from beating myself up and questioning my desirability, my worth. Protecting me would’ve been respecting me as my own person and allowing me to have a choice. But you stole all of that from me for your comfort your status, your control. None of that was aboutme. It was all aboutyou.”
“Lennon, you will not speak to me like that in my own house.”
“You’re right, Dad. Because after tonight, I don’t know if we will speak again for a long while. You placed your needs and wants above me. Then made me feel like a failure for the perfect storm you set up. I don’t know you anymore. And I don’t know if I want to have anything to do with the person you’ve become.” She turned to me. “And you. You lied to me.”
“I had to make a choice, Lennon. It was a shitty choice, yes. But it was either sacrifice my brother to an adult prison system for ten years when he was just a boy or leave you,” I hurry to explain. And I’m hurrying, my words damn near tripping over each other because I can see I’m losing her right before my eyes. She’s standing there, but she might as well be drawing further and further away. “I didn’t want to go, but I had to and I couldn’t contact you or Leif’s parole would’ve been revoked. I had to, baby.”
“You think I don’t understand that?” she demands. “I wouldn’t have expected you to throw Leif away for me. But you also didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. Not then and not now. Do you think if you’d trusted me back then, I would’ve ran to my father and told him? I would’ve kept your secret, I would’veunderstoodand stood by you. Even from Pike’s End. But you didn’t. You didn’t trust me then and you didn’t when you returned here. And every day since you’ve chosen to lie to me. If you’ll lie to me about this, what else will you keep from me? And you even use the same excuse as Dad. To protect me. You said I’m not weak. But your actions prove you see me otherwise.”
She pushes her hands out, palms out as if warding me off. A shiver runs through her body, and I step toward her but she shoves her hands out again, harder.
“I need people in my life who respect me. Who see me as a woman who can stand next to them when the times aren’t only good but rough and know I won’t fold or bend. Because I am that woman. I won’t be controlled by lies, good intentions, sentiment or even love. I’ve had enough of that. And I deserve more than that. For far too long I’ve looked at other people,” she glances at her father before looking back at me, “to give me that respect. When I should’ve just looked in the mirror. I’m starting that today. Goodbye, King.”
“Lennon.”
But she doesn’t answer me. She strides out of the study, past my bandmates and disappears.
Out of this house.
Out of my world.
Again.
And this time I don’t have anyone to blame but myself.
10
From: King Sullivan
Sent: November 21, 2022 3:26 AM
To: Lennon Ward
Subject:
Lennon,
Well, I hope this email reaches you because it’s been ten years since I’ve used it, and I have no idea if you still do. Remember you asked me if I told the truth about looking back and giving a fuck about us? I guess I should start this off with some honesty since the lack of it is what got my ass in trouble in the first place.