You’re gone.I’ve been in denial about it, but I can’t any longer. I tried. Even though the proof stared me in the face that you were no longer in Pike’s End, I still denied it. But I did something we promised each other that we wouldn’t do. I went to your house last night. Yes, I broke a promise, but to be fair, you broke yours to me first.
Desperation, worry, anger, fear.
All of them drove me to your house, screw the consequences. Your father answered the door, and he told me what a part of me knew all along but was too scared to admit to myself—you left. You leftme.
I couldn’t even ask him how long, because in the end, it doesn’t matter, does it? It could be the night of my graduation, two days later or yesterday. The result is the same. You’re gone and I’m here. Alone. Without you. Something you vowed I’d never be.
Am I pathetic for hoping you’ll come back for me?
I feel pathetic. I feel sad and like an ass but I’m still fucking hopeful. Even though my every fear has come to life, I still can’t claw out the hope that refuses to leave my heart.
Because I know you love me. No matter what the circumstances look like right now, I knowwecan’t be a lie. Every moment, every second just can’t be.
But I’m so damn terrified it is.
If you ever cared about me… If I ever mattered to you, King, please… Please, call me. Email me.
Do…something.
Yours,
Lennon
From: Lennon Ward
Sent: July 6, 2012 9:11 PM
To: King Sullivan
Subject: Fuck you
Fuck.You, King Sullivan.
I got your note from Leif.
And you’re a liar. A liar and a coward.
God, how did I ever believe a word you said to me?
Now, in hindsight, I’m kind of thankful we didn’t tell anyone about us. The only thing that would’ve made this worse is if everyone knew how you played me. Or maybe that’s what you planned all along. To use me in your fucked up game to pay back everyone in this town for imagined slights against you. Was that all I was to you? One last, giant fuck you before leaving for good?
Well, fuck you right back.
Fuck you for making me believe in you.
Fuck you for making me love you.
You probably won’t read this either. Or if you do, you won’t have the balls to respond to it. And that’s fine. This is more for me anyway because you had your say in that letter.
I don’t need you, King. I don’t want you. And I don’t love you, just as you never loved me. Because if you did, you couldn’t hurt me like this. You couldn’t just walk away without a backward glance, without one word.
Congratulations, King. You won. You wanted to get rid of me, mission accomplished. I won’t email, call or text you again. I’m done making a fool of myself over you.
I’m just done.
Never yours,
Lennon