I know it’s because of how deeply I love him. With him, I always feel so much more. When it’s great, there is nothing better in the world. When it’s bad, I want to curl up in a ball and hide from the rest of the world.
This was the last thing I’d ever thought I’d hear him say. It’s a double-edged sword. It hits me that I never actually thought I'd follow through with this divorce. That I figured Rowan would always sideline it.
I could push and say I was going to. That I am strong enough to go through with it. But I know I’m only lying to myself. I realize now that there was no real fear when I sought out a lawyer. I could pretend to myself that I was pushing forward. Give myself the illusion of control knowing he’d never let it happen. Now he’s changing the game by offering me what I’ve been asking for.
I know getting a divorce would be like losing to him, and Rowan never loses. He’ll fight for things till the bitter end. It’s a quality I loved in him generally until recently. I hate the idea of him staying married to me because he thinks getting out is a failure.
I open and close my mouth as I try to wrap my head around everything. This has to be a trick. I must be missing something. Or maybe I just don’t want to face the fact that he is actually willing to let us go.
“I don’t believe you,” I challenge.
“When have I ever lied to you?”
“You just did.” I call him out.
“You don’t believe I’ll follow through with this....” He pauses for a bit. “Divorce.” If I wasn’t so worked up, I might laugh at how much he doesn’t want to say the word divorce. It’s almost adorably sweet.
“I wasn’t talking about that. I wasn’t your first.” I never asked Rowan about his past lovers. I didn’t want to know. Not only is my husband handsome, but he’s very successful too. I’ve seen the way other women look at him. How they try to get his attention whenever they can. I’ve always wondered how I held it so easily in the past. Until I started to question if I really did. I hate that.
“I might be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them.”
“Rowan. I’ve met one of your past lovers.” I glare at him. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. Forget it. You have a deal.” I throw up my hands, not wanting to talk about this anymore.
Truthfully, I never wanted to talk about that. About her. I just don’t want him to think he got one over on me. I might be naïve in a lot of things. I know that. I even counted on Rowan to keep me a bit hidden at times from things, but he’s not getting off on being some saint. Especially after he just accused me of cheating.
I gasp when Rowan all but leaps over the bed like some lumberjack ninja. The hell? He’s on me, pinning me to the bed in the blink of an eye. My body immediately heats, the same way it always does when he’s near.
“Don’t move,” he orders.
“I will—”
He covers my mouth with his hand. “You made your deal, wife. Nod if you understand.” I glare at him but nod. “Don’t move.” I watch as he slips from the bed. He opens his suitcase. A moment later, he comes back with a few of his ties.
“Rowan?”
“I’ve always wanted to tie you to the bed. Did you know that?” I shake my head no. Rowan has always been a bit dominating in bed. I could sense that he was holding back, but I was unsure why. It was almost as though he was trying to hide a darker part of himself. “There are so many dirty things I’ve wanted to do to you but held back,” he says as he ties one hand and then the other. “But now I’m going to do every single one of them. I’m going to get my fill of you.” As mad as I am at him, his dirty words already have me growing wet between my thighs.
Once he’s got my wrists firmly tied, he grabs my shirt, ripping it right down the center. My bra is next to go. He’s pissed. Good, he’s letting go of all that control and doing what he wants.
“Rowan.” I lick my lips as my breathing grows heavy.
“Am I scaring you or turning you on?”
“I’m not scared of you, Rowan.”
“You should be. If you knew the dirty things I’ve wanted to do to you.” He goes for my pants next. “Only you,” he adds, stripping the rest of my clothes off until I’m naked. He trails his fingers up and down the inside of my thigh. I part my legs, inviting him to give me more. I whimper when his fingers stop right as they get to my sex then drift back down my leg.