I lie back on the bed and focus on my breathing so I don’t rush to the bathroom and puke again. To my surprise, less than ten minutes later, Kai walks in with a white shopping bag and tosses it onto the bed near my legs.
I carefully sit up in deference to my belly and then grab the bag and head into the bathroom. A part of me hopes he doesn’t wait while I take these. Another part of me doesn’t want to be alone when I find out the answer.
It doesn’t matter…it’s not like I’m going to drag Kai in here with me to witness things. I quickly strip the packaging from one of the tests and get it over with. Then I cap it, set it on the sink, and wait for the results.
My hands are shaking as I brace them on the counter next to the test. It just sits there, a little hourglass spinning on the tiny display screen while my insides are shredded with nerves and nausea.
When the screen blinks and changes, I gape down at the tiny black letters across it.
Pregnant.
I know I should take the other tests just to be a thousand percent sure, but I don’t think I need to. It’s the only logical explanation for how I’ve been feeling, and now that I see the results with my own eyes, it’s almost as if I can feel it.
I press my hands over my lower belly. Of course, it’s too early to physically feel a baby in there, but I still do it, waiting for nothing.
Quickly, I clean up the trash and hide the other tests behind some cleaner under the sink. Then I head back out to the bedroom even though I’m not ready to tell Kai the results yet. Besides, Adrian might get upset if Kai knows before he does.
Speaking of the father of my child…I smile at the thought and head down the hall. Maybe he’s gotten back, and I can tell him now, get it over with so I don’t have to keep it to myself any longer.
I head to the command room first, but it’s empty. Not even the screen is on, so then I study the hall and remember he has an office a few doors down. There hasn’t been a reason for me to go inside yet, but I still want to check and see if he’s in there.
When I open the door, I catch a whiff of the spicy ginger scent I associate with him. It makes me want to stay there and breathe in his scent. I enter the room and flip on the light switch.
The office looks like him. It’s minimalist and clean. Nothing out of place and nothing not necessary graces the space. There’s a shelf with some pictures on it that draws my interest. Anxiety fills my veins, knowing I’m doing something I shouldn’t. Despite it, I head over to scan them, needing to know more about him to feed this obsession I’ve developed.
I see one of him as a little boy. A picture of him and Kai as younger men. A smile tugs on my lips as I take in his handsome younger face. It’s less weathered but also less shrewd, like he hadn’t yet experienced many things in life.
I drag my gaze away to the last photo, and my heart stops mid-beat. All the air whooshes from my lungs, leaving a cold emptiness behind. A million thoughts swirl around my head, forcing me to remember a night I’d rather forget. My hand shakes as I pick up the frame and study it closely, hoping, praying that I’m wrong. But there is no mistake. No matter how hard I look at the image.
“Hand me the gun, Valentina…”
I blink, the tears making my vision blurry, but I still know the woman in the image, next to a boy who is undoubtedly Adrian. She is the woman I saw when I was a little girl. The one lying in the bloody puddles reflecting the moonlight.
She has to be his mother. And I have no doubt he’s been trying to figure out the mystery of her death since that day all those years ago.
Oh my god. Realization is setting in, and I’m shaking from head to toe, my heart pounding so hard in my chest it almost hurts.
The picture frame slips from my hands and hits the floor inches from my feet. The glass shatters into a million pieces, just like my life.
32
VALENTINA
It was always too good to be true.
He was too good to be true.
Hadn’t life taught me that lesson over and over again, blow after blow? To be happy means a much harder fall to the bottom. And while I’m not dead yet, I’m buried in the pain of the only choice I’m left with.