His brows furrow. “Your boyfriend,” he answers confidently, then tilts his head. “Well, I guess fiancé to them.”
“Right,” I say, taking another drink from the bottle.
“Viv, I’m…” He sighs and curses under his breath. “I’m yours. I’m completely yours, and I want you to be mine.”
I narrow my eyes, pushing away the tears that threaten me. The words I’ve been wanting to hear, hell, the ones I’ve wanted to say myself. “But you’re not mine.”
He shakes his head. “Yes, I am. I have been since I was fucking fifteen years old.”
“No, you’re not. You’re this job’s. This job owns you… I’m just… I’m just the warm body you hold at night. A good substitute for a pillow.”
“No,” he replies angrily. His tone is hard as rocks. “No, you’re way fucking more than that to me. I need you, I need your laughs and your advice and your l—” He clears his throat.
We sit in silence for a minute, and I don’t know what to say.
“Let’s go eat that dinner.” He nods toward the kitchen. “It smells amazing.”
“I’m not hungry.” Anymore. I was starving while cooking, but there’s this feeling in my chest that won’t cease.
“Viv, come on, please.” He grabs my hand. “I’m sorry I’ve been working so much. I am. I hate that I don’t get to see you as often, but I have to work. Once this job is done—”
“There will be another job.”
“I—” He cuts himself off with a sigh. “You’re right. There will be. But that’s only because I’m doing so well with this job.”
I set the wine bottle down and pull up my big girl panties, because I can’t take this anymore. Not only the constant disappointment but all the lying to ourselves.
I grab Archer, my hands on either side of his head, and I give him a soft kiss on the lips, knowing in my heart it’s our last one. I smile softly at him and say, “I’m so proud of you.” My voice cracks on the last word, and he leans into me, like he needs me to help keep him upright. “I’ve always rooted for you, Archer, and I always will.”
“What does that mean?” He asks, hurt in his voice.
“It means.” I swallow hard, rubbing a thumb over his stubbled cheek. “That I care for you so much. I will root for you forever and hope you can achieve all of your dreams.” I lick my suddenly dry lips. “I just can’t be the person you lean on to get there. I can’t sit here and pretend that I’m not heartbroken every time you choose me second to your job, and I hate myself for it. I wish I was stronger—”
“No,” he responds hoarsely, his eyes shifting quickly between mine. “No, I’m not losing you. No.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my heart breaking as he looks at me with glossy eyes.
“Viv, you can’t break us up.”
“We’ve never even been together. Not officially.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it.” He grips my legs right above my knees, and I have the faint thought that we probably look ridiculous. “We’re better together.”
“We’re never even together.”
“Viv.” He pauses to take a breath and slowly exhales. “You can’t break us up. Youcan’t.”
“I have to,” I whisper. “You need this time. You need to focus on your goals, but you can’t do both at the same time.”
“That’s bullshit,” he whispers back. “I can do both. I want you in my life.”
“I’ll never not be in your life.”
His eyes harden. “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.”
“Archer—”
“I don’t want you to do this.”