I put off going upstairs as long as I can and even then I fight sleep. I'm not sure if I want to dream of something I can never have or not. But all the fighting does me no good. I've worked too hard getting my stuff set up just the way I like it and fixing small things that needed to be fixed. My eyes grow heavier and heavier until I drift off to sleep without even realizing it.
Chapter Five
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Sterling
I woke up alone this morning and I did not like it. It sucked almost as bad as being dead. It took me some time to remember I couldn't follow my little doll into the shower, why this is a bad idea. But it didn't stop me from doing it anyway. Teasing myself with the image of my blonde goddess standing in a shower of warm water and steam and doing nothing more than looking is enough to pardon at least some sins I've accrued, I'm sure.
The taste of her on my tongue is enough to hold me over for most of the day. I enjoyed the conversation between my doll and her best friend. I like her friend. I liked her, even more, when she threatened to hurt me if I harmed the tiny blonde currently sleeping in my bed.
I find I have become very possessive over my tiny human. To the point that I have started thinking she is mine - my person, my little spark of humanity, my woman. I'm not sure where that leaves us exactly but I have faith we'll figure something out. Surely we wouldn't be brought to one another without there being a way for us to be together.
I lick my lips again and think about being back between her thighs. I could tell last night that she was innocent, that no one else has touched her the way I have. I could taste it, smell it, on her. I felt the knowledge in my bones before her friend confirmed it for me this afternoon. Not even a hand hold. Why does that make my dick so hard it hurts? And what am I going to do about it?
I've let too much slip away. I've not been living and it took me dying to realize that. Now I know what I want...I want her.
I let my fingers trail down her soft cheek, watching as she comes awake for me. Her first response is to smile for me before coming fully awake. She gasps and moves to sit up away from me. We look at one another for a long time. If all I could ever do is look at her I would be a happy man.
"I...I was dreaming about you?"
"Yeah, was it a good dream?" She blushes like she did when her friend asked her the same thing. I know what she was blushing about then so I can guess that her dream about me was just as hot as our late-night meeting from before. Instead of telling me she sits all the way up and pulls her knees into her chest.
"Your name is Sterling, right?"
I nod, loving the sound of her saying my name. "Sterling Barrett." And she is Mac. I overheard her friend say it several times today. I think it's short for Makenzie. I like it.
"Can I ask you a question?" She whispers the question giving me a good idea of what she is about to ask. I nod again giving her the go-ahead. "How did you, um...you know?"
I start to tell her but pause. How did it happen? What's the last thing I can remember? I try to think back so I can give her this little piece of my ended existence but before I can answer her she reaches her hand out across the covers and touches me. As soon as we make contact the same thing that happened last night happens again, only this time it has nothing to do with naughty thoughts and sexy time.
Whatever makes this happen puts both of us back in the car I was driving. It was a tiny sports car that I just bought two weeks before. I was upset about something. I can feel my anger rolling up inside of me. When I look over she's in the passenger seat but when this happened she wasn't with me. When it happened I didn't realize she was out there waiting for me.
"Wh...what's happening, Sterling?"
"I...I don't...I'm not sure." I reach out and clasp our hands together. "I was mad about something. Infuriated. I had never been so mad before. I left the house mad."
Her hand squeezes mine back. "Did you...crash?"
The car we're in picks up speed. I'm rushing to get somewhere. I have a place I have to be. I look down as I hit forty then fifty. The driveway is a long one with many curves and twists that would be worrisome to anyone else but me. I've lived here my entire life. I could drive this road blindfolded.
But something’s not right. I can feel it. It nags at me, pulling my mind back to the night...when I..., "I hit the brakes but nothing happened."
I do what I say and feel my heart pound, not out of fear for me. I've already been through this once. My fear is for the sweet, fragile doll sitting next to me. What will happen to her now that I've pulled her into this memory? I pump the breaks faster and harder but nothing happens. It was odd to me because I’d just had the car maintenanced. The brakes should not have been an issue."
"Something happened to the brakes?" Shock and fear drip from her voice. I don't care for it at all. In fact, it pisses me off all over again. When I realized shit isn't the way it's supposed to be I start trying to find the best way out. Surely I'm smart enough to save myself...only I wasn't. I wasn't smart enough.
Makenzie starts to scream as I go through the same actions from that night. I swerve off the road so that I don't go off the side that has only a cliff on it. As soon as the tires hit the changing surface it starts to flip over and over again. My head bangs up against the window at least twice before it breaks. Then everything turns white and all I can hear is the sound of Makenzie crying and screaming out my name in utter fear.
When both of us come back to the now, Makenzie is crying and shaking and I'm just as pissed as I was that night. She cries like she will never stop and all I can do is try to wrap my arms around her and hope she feels them, hope they give her comfort. It takes a while but eventually she stops crying. I brush my hand against her cheek once again. She nuzzles into the touch.
Our lips brush and for just a split second I can feel her the way a normal living male would be able to. How is that possible? How can I touch this woman, caress her body like I'm still living but I go through everything else? It doesn't make any sense. But somehow I can feel her tongue touch mine just as if this were all real. Her breath catches at the contact.
"How is this happening?"
I shake my head but don't move away from the kiss. "I don't know. I don't think we're supposed to be able to."
Both of us sink into the kiss as I untie her gown again. I like these nightdresses that close in the front. The thin garment slips from her shoulders leaving her completely bare for me. My hand trails down her chest before coming around to cup her soft flushed flesh. Her nipples are hard peaks waiting for my attention.