Standing, I flush the toilet more forcefully this time. I splash cold water on my face and wash my hands, staring at myself in the mirror for a second.
I’m wrung-out, my eyes hollowed out, my cheeks seeming faded somehow. I don’t look like somebody who’sseena ghost.
Ilooklike a ghost, like meeting that wolf has sent me to another realm.
That’s silly. That’s Master Pete and all his lies talking.
When I open the door, Mom steps back as though flinching.
Her face is streaked with tears. She’s sobbing quietly, looking almost like a little kid. And in some twisted way, part of me thanks her. I have to be here now, for her.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, stepping forward and pulling her into a hug.
“Just the dreams,” she whispers, a burst of humorless laughter caught in a sob. “It’s always the same ones. The cult, him, you know....”
“I’m sorry, Mom.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She wraps her arms tighter around me. “I’m sorry, Ruby. I know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. What a mother is supposed to be like. Idoknow that.”
I hug her even closer, burying my face in her shoulder so she can’t see my tears. But then I can’t take it anymore. My body begins to shake, sobs wracking me.
“Oh, Ruby,” Mom says.
“I’m sorry.”
She runs her hands through my hair. “You don’t have to apologize.”
I’m thinking of the wolf, of how unfair it is that Mom has to wake up at night, scared out of her mind. I’m thinking of the cult and the terror of running away.
I’m thinking ofhiseyes, the way he stared at me, into me like he was going to keep me safe, always. That man would’ve done evil things otherwise.
He wanted myscent. The wolf was following me, then?
The wolf wants me for some reason.
My heart beats a little quicker, bright and silly images clashing in my mind.
I only want Ramsey, with his strong jaw, his sharp eyes. I want his arms and his manhood and his babies and a life together. The wolf could watch over us, a loyal companion.
His cock was rock-hard.
I distance myself from Mom, walking into the kitchen.
“Do you want a glass of water?”
How can this be, this torn feeling between an impossible wolf and the man of my dreams? I don’t like it.
I only want to belong tooneman, Ramsey, and I want the same from him. Total devotion, only each other, always.
So why these confusing thoughts about a wolf?
It doesn’t make any freaking sense, and I don’t like it.
“Sure,” Mom says after a pause. “I’m sorry for everything. I want to be better, Ruby. I want to help.”
I carry our glasses into the living room. “It’s fine, Mom.”