I wanted to tell her to stop talking, to rest, to get better. But I knew it was useless just as much as I knew this moment, this time with her, was a gift. So, I smiled and told her all about my work, leaving the savory bits out. When she told me Rohan had informed her about the creation of Remény and my role in it, she begged for more details, despite the fact that she’d been there when I created the company. She cried and smiled behind her oxygen mask. She asked where I lived and about the world. She wanted to know if there had been any changes in Alzheimer’s treatment in the last few years. I told her about the clinical trial and the drug.
We talked and laughed. We both cried and held each other. We enjoyed our time, knowing it was our last, knowing it would be over soon. She was so weak, her fever high from the lung infection her body couldn’t fight. She’d cough and sputter, denying the water or ice I’d offer. She’d wave me off with a weak gesture. She was Kat, but not.
And then, she’d asked me the easiest and hardest question of them all.
“Are you in love, Wolfe?” Yes, I knew my answer right away, and it shocked me to my core. I didn’t think love, especially the kind of love I feel for Rayvn, would be possible for me.
When I’d smiled and nodded, she cried harder before saying, “And what are you going to do about it?”
Then, my laughter and smiles died. Her concern and care caused me to spill my darkest secrets. There in that cold, sterile room, I left my heart on the floor, begging the woman who saved me to do it again.
“You need to follow your heart, boy. If it’s telling you this is love and she’s the one, then you need to have trust.”
“Trust in what?” I’d asked her, confused by her simple statement. She merely smirked before saying one word.
“Her.”
Trust in her. Trust Rayvn. I do trust Rayvn, possibly more than anyone. I’d opened my mouth to ask what she meant, but before I could, the blaring sound of her monitors screaming filled the room. And then, she was gone.
Now, I’m back home in New Mexico after an exhausting and emotional week. I left so abruptly that I didn’t have time to tell Ray what was going on. As much as it pained me to leave her, I knew I had to. I had to choose between the two women who mean the most to me, and at that moment, I chose the one who I knew I’d never see again. I’ll see Rayvn every day for the rest of my life if I have things my way.
I told her I was going out of town for a last-minute work thing, not wanting to worry her. I know she was mad, I could tell, and I don’t blame her. Leaving after the night we shared, especially when I’d promised to finally have a serious conversation with her was low, but necessary. All I can do is hope she understands when I explain things.
Tonight. I’ll call her tonight to make plans.
I haven’t talked to her in the last few days. Partly due to how crazy things have been. Mostly because I knew this next conversation needs to happen in person, and it needs to be face-to-face. No masks. No lies. No games. Just me and my Little Fox, the woman I love.
But first, I have shit to take care of. I flick on my office light but come to an abrupt halt as I take in the space. The dark, desolate room doesn’t look nearly as intriguing as it used to. In fact—it looks stifling. Charging forward, I rip the blackout curtains open, allowing the early afternoon sunlight to spill in. It burns my eyes, worsening my already throbbing headache, but after spending so much time with Rayvn, I find I don’t enjoy the darkness as much as I used to.
Sighing heavily, I drop down at my desk and flick on my monitors. My head falls backward on my chair as the weight of the last week really begins to sink it. I rub the aching space between my eyes, hoping for some sort of miracle. There are so many things I’d have changed about this week, including telling Ray everything so I wouldn’t have had to deal with it all alone. I know it was better this way, butfuck, it was heavy.
While I was in Santa Fe dealing with things, I had a lot of time to think. Losing Kat was tragic, but it put a lot of things into perspective for me. Over the years, I’ve made a ton of money doing what I do. I have enough in various accounts to last me multiple lifetimes, but I always felt like I needed more. When you’re born on the streets, it fucks with you. I know where I came from, and I saw how Kat struggled to take care of me by herself. Maybe that’s where the insatiable need formorecomes from.
On top of that, I knew the funding forReményand the lab’s costs would be continuous, and I never wanted their income source,me, to dry up. But, as I thought back to why I startedReményin the first place, I realized it was never because I have a passion for the industry or the clinical side of things. It was born purely out of selfish panic. I had the means to do something, and the person I loved most needed a miracle. So, I made one. Now that she’s gone, I still want that to continue for other people. However, I don’t want to be the person behind it anymore. I don’t need the notoriety or credit. I don’t want to deal with the politics of it. I don’t want to watch the heartbreak any longer.I can’t. So, I’ve decided to sellRemény.
Additionally, I’ve decided to close all of my KillerClown666 accounts. I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to be the cause of anyone’s ruin besides Rayvn’s. Only now, I don’t want to ruin her, I just want to defile her in the best ways. Losing Kat hasn’t changed me, suddenly making me become a better person. I’m still the same man I’ve always been, but my priorities have shifted. Watching someone, you care about die a slow death in front of you will do that to a person. I don’t want to waste time. I don’t want to miss out on moments and experiences. I don’t want to live a half-life anymore. I want the whole damn thing, and I want it withher.
Rayvn Porter.
No—Rayvn Nash.
I smile at the thought. My eyes flick down to my left hand as I take in my new tattoo. Once I’d decided to join the free world, I no longer needed to hide. My tattoos and piercings, my glasses…my face. I can openly be me again, and for the first time in my life, I’m ready to step out of the shadows.
My inbox pings with thousands of new requests, making my gut watery. I’d be lying if I said this was an easy decision. It’s not. This job is something I’ve done for over ten years now.
It will be so fucking worth it.
It will be. Ithasto be.
It takes me a few hours to shut everything on my public sites down, mostly because I wanted to skim the emails and reach out to anyone who asked for something of extreme importance. You’d be surprised by the number of messages I get from young kids asking me to take out their abuser or people reaching out for actual help. I may not be a good man, but I’m not heartless, and I’ve never let a single one of those messages go without a response. Once that’s done, I send out a mass message on the web, letting everyone know who might come looking for me that KillerClown666 is no longer in business.
Then, I switch to the dark web page and start the process over. It doesn’t take me as long to filter through the messages since this account doesn’t get the same volume of requests. I’ve just made it to the top of my inbox when I notice an unopened but flagged message. My brows furrow, and my heart rate picks up as I open it.
Since you won’t take care of her, I will, motherfucker. Consider yourself relieved from your duties. Rayvn Porter will pay for fucking with the wrong person. If you intervene, I’ll kill you next. Before you question if I’ll get away with it, just know, I have before.
My rapid heartbeat freezes in my chest as I fly from my chair. Panic consumes me to the point that I know I’m seconds from passing out. I focus on the questions, the puzzle, knowing that solving this will steady me the fastest.
Think, Nash. Think, dammit.