“I’ve thought of nothing else since our dalliance in the shrubbery. I know we’re only meant to be pretending, but…” he began, but Eloise took hold of his hand.
It no longer felt as though they were pretending. What they had just shared – all that they had shared – could not be a mere pretense. The feelings were real, the desires were real, and now Eloise wondered if her true hopes could be real, too. She had fought against them and told herself it was merely a false passion. But this was different, and she could not deny she now hoped for something more than a mere ruse.
“… pretending isn’t always easy,” he finished, looking shy, as a distant clock struck the midnight hour, followed by the small clock on the mantelpiece.
Eloise pulled on her dress and did her best to secure the ties at the back, before wrapping her shawl around her shoulders as Jackson rose to his feet.
“I’d better be going. It’s very late. It was a wonderful evening,” she murmured, and he stepped forward and put his arms around her.
“Indeed, it was.” He kissed the top of her head.
CHAPTER10
The ride home in the carriage gave Eloise time to think. She thought about the ruse and everything that had happened since the night of the Mayfair Ball. Had she and Jackson met under different circumstances, then perhaps things might have been different. They had rushed into their ruse without first considering the feelings that might develop. But as the days had gone by, Eloise realized just how real her feelings were becoming, and it seemed those feelings were reciprocated by Jackson, too.
“I’ve been waiting up, My Lady. I was worried when it passed midnight and you weren’t home,” Delphine whispered, as she opened the door to Eloise a short while later.
Eloise blushed. She had forgotten her maid would be anxious, even if her father would not be.
“Oh, Delphine, I didn’t think you’d wait up for me. You didn’t need to,” Eloise mumbled, as Delphine took her shawl and closed the door behind her.
“Oh, but I did, My Lady. I couldn’t have gone to bed knowing you weren’t home. Let me help you,” Delphine offered.
Eloise had been rather hoping to make a swift ascent to bed and avoid seeing anyone but a bleary-eyed footman letting her in. Delphine would surely notice her disheveled dress, and whilst the maid was the model of discretion, Eloise did not wish for her to be scandalized by what she might imagine had occurred after the dinner.
“Oh, it’s really not necessary,” Eloise insisted, but Delphine would not take no for an answer.
Eloise was tired, and she was grateful to find a fire lit in her chambers and the bed sheets pulled back. Her nightgown was laid out, and the maid had set a kettle to boil over the coals so that a cup of chamomile tea might be made before Eloise went to bed.
“Let me help you with your dress, My Lady. Oh… I’m sure I did you up neatly. The strings are all askew,” Delphine gasped, as she began to unlace Eloise’s dress.
“Oh, yes, I was finding it rather uncomfortable, so I excused myself from dinner and unloosed a little. I must’ve done them up wrong. It’s all right. You did them just perfectly to begin with.”
She was glad to be facing away from the maid, for she did not trust her expression not to betray her. Delphine knew of the ruse, but as for the passionate feelings it had aroused, that was something different.
“I’m glad you had a nice evening, My Lady. The uncle wasn’t as fierce as you feared?” the maid asked, as she helped Eloise into her nightgown.
“He’s… an interesting character. But I think we convinced him. There’s the Midsummer Ball on Friday. Jackson… the Duke, has arranged for us to attend,” Eloise replied.
She could not hide the smile on her face, or pretend she was not happy at the prospect of attending the ball with Jackson. She knew it was a test, another they would have to pass if there was any chance of convincing society as to the truth of their ruse. But Eloise could not help but look forward to the fact of being seen with Jackson as precisely what she desired – a courting couple on the cusp of marriage. Her feelings were confused, not least because she was uncertain what would come of this strange situation, even as she reminded herself of Jackson’s obvious feelings for her.
“You know what they say about the Midsummer Ball, My Lady?” Delphine stepped back, and Eloise smiled.
“They say it’s the moment when everyone sees who’s truly with whom. The couples together at the Midsummer Ball are to be together from then on. Marriage comes next, and those on the wall remain there.” Eloise turned around.
“And you’re certain about this, My Lady? You’re certain you want to go through with it?” Delphine pressed.
But of this question, Eloise had no doubts. She wanted to marry Jackson, and she was certain she was doing the right thing in doing so.
CHAPTER11
Eloise could not hide her excitement at the prospect of the Midsummer Ball. It was all she thought about in the coming days, or rather, it was the thought of Jackson’s company that preoccupied her. She imagined their entrance that evening when all heads would turn and see the two of them together. There would be no need for whispered speculations, for the facts would be clear. At the Midsummer Ball, those couples seen together were assumed to be on the verge of marriage, and that was precisely what Eloise and Jackson wanted.
But with her mind preoccupied with thoughts of the ball, Eloise had found herself neglectful of those usual thoughts that plagued her. She had not written a single letter in search of her sister all week, and neither did she find herself constantly speculating on what might have happened to Alice in the years gone by. It was strange to find her mind filled with thoughts, not of her sister, but Jackson, instead. A sense of guilt pervaded her, even as she reminded herself it was not a sin to seek her own happiness.
You’ve spent so long thinking about Alice. Why not think about yourself for once?
She pulled out an armful of dresses from her wardrobe and placed them on the bed. It was the day of the ball, and she remained uncertain of what to wear. The Midsummer Ball was also a moment for the latest fashions, and a chance to show off the season’s most elegant gowns. Eloise was not used to being the center of attention, or dressing in such a way as to turn heads. But tonight, she wanted to be seen, so she chose an emerald, green ball gown, which she would wear with her mother’s pearls and tiara.