“Ye could have brought them with ye. I would nae mind their presence. It is a feast, first of all.” Kendrick thought of what else to say, ofanything. He could not let Sophia notice his unease. “I will expect them as well next time. I hope ye and yer daughters enjoy tonight, Angus.”
“Aye, milaird. Thank ye for yer hospitality. I believe it’s been a while since ye last saw Sophia.” Angus took Lorena's hand in his. “I’ll let the pair o’ ye converse for a bit,” he concluded, then proceeded to nudge Sophia toward Kendrick before leaving.
When the pair must have thought themselves out of earshot, he listened for what they said next.
“Father, do ye think he will make a proposal to Sophia?” Lorena whispered in question to Angus.
“We should hope he does, as he seems to care for her.”
“What if he does nae, Father?”
“It is up to the Laird to decide, my bairn.”
Kendrick and Sophia faced each other. Sophia couldn't take her eyes off him, and Kendrick was desperate to avoid her gaze. The scent of fresh blooms from her skin and hair filled his nose. How he had missed her scent.
Yet life is so unfair, as I cannae bear the thought of hurtingye.
Her long black hair was neatly twisted into a bun, refracting the light from the hundreds of lit candles. Her skin was flawlessly white, with a silky smooth texture. It occurred to him that he wanted to touch her, to feel the softness of her face for himself.
Her eyes glittered with...tears. She sniffled them back, and he was at a loss. Either she was happy to see him again after all this time, or she was frightened she may have to share her life with the cold and ruthless man he had become.
Which is it, Sophia? Are ye afraid, or do ye want me to touch ye as much as I do?
Something compelled him to embrace her and tell her how much he yearned for her presence every night since they parted—how much he hoped to wake up next to her at every sunrise, only to be greeted by another.
The luckenbooth brooch clattered on the ground, bringing him back to the present. He hadn't even realized he'd been toying with it. What was he thinking? He could not let it happen. He would not let it happen. Never. It was insane to entertain such thoughts of her when he could never truly be with her.
“I apologize, but I cannae talk with ye long now,” he mumbled. “I have to attend to our other guests too, but please enjoy yerself. I shall see ye later.”
She opened her mouth, but he nodded, ending the conversation before she had a chance to say anything.
Sophia sagged, and her eyes went dark.
Kendrick moved away from the feast, away from her, and into the shadows outside the hall.
Outside, he sighed into the darkness, breaking the silence with his agony. He was filled with a sudden, violent wrath. Unable to control his emotions, he dashed to the field beside the keep and pounded his fists into one of the trees. He hit until his knuckles burned, completely oblivious to the blood dripping from his fingers.
Sophia’s face.
The way she had looked at him.
That grievous expression.
He hated what he had done to her—when he had put an end to their friendship all those years ago; and when he had scorned her that eve. He hated the idea of causing her suffering.
Exhausted and yearning, Kendrick sat by against the body of the oak. He would not go back to the feast, not if it meant seeing her again.
“Perhaps I should settle for another landholder’s daughter,” he muttered to the gentle breeze. Rubbing his hands against the brooch, he laughed dismally at his broken life, knowing he could never be with the woman who might fix it.
His choice was made.
CHAPTERFOUR
“Milaird.”
Kendrickturnedtolookforthevoicethathadcalledouttohim.
He was surprised to see Reed. His friend’s sun-battered face was visible beneath the moon's light. His right shoulder was dangling in a makeshift sling of light linen wrapping.