“For what it’s worth,” Finn said. “My advice is tae tell Duncan everything. Stealing from the man is one thing, being blackmailed tae murdering him is something completely different.”
Elaine took the small bottle of arsenic from her pocket and held out her hand to Finn. “Maybe ye should take this.”
Finn shook his head and put his hands up, declining her suggestion. “Nae, I think it’s best if ye keep it, Elaine. Show it tae Duncan when ye tell him what ye’ve told me. It will surely help ye convince him ye are here against yer will.”
Elaine hadn’t thought about that, but Finn was likely right. Where on earth would she get a bottle of arsenic now she was living in the castle? The fact that she had it was evidence that someone had given it to her. If she had brought it with her, she could only assume Duncan would deduce that she ought to have used it by now. As that thought worked through her mind, Elaine suddenly thought of Samuel McKinley. It had not really occurred to her, up to that point, to try and figure out who the masked figure was. But now, with the arsenic in her hand, her mind was brought back to that morning when she had met him in the corridors of the castle.
Looking down at his satchel, he had stated himself that he had gathered medicines.“I must away, however, for I have these medicines to store… We are lucky we live in such parts where nature provides such abundance for us.”
“When will ye tell him, Elaine?” Finn said, interrupting her recollections.
She shrugged. “I cannae imagine I will see him tonight, for the feast will likely go on intae the wee hours,” she replied. “Perhaps, I will go and speak tae him later tomorrow morning, when he’s well rested.”
“Aye.” Finn nodded. “That’s likely the better idea.”
They both sat for some time, saying nothing more. Finn looked concerned. She could only imagine what tomorrow might bring. She needed to tell the truth, yet there was more than herself to consider. Once all was revealed, it would put Rhona’s life in danger. Perhaps there was a way to keep the masked man from knowing that she had betrayed him. While Duncan may be fuming when he discovered her deception, she might be able to call upon his help in discovering where Rhona was being held.
“Ye ken him better than I, Finn,” Elaine said after a while. “How do ye think he will react?”
She already knew herself, so in truth, her question was pointless. But she needed someone to reassure her in some way, that telling Duncan the truth would work out well in the end.
“He’ll be as mad as a bear, Elaine,” Finn said simply. “There’s nae doubt about it. And at the risk of sounding crude, ye’ve shared the man’s bed since ye’ve been here. He’ll see it as the height of betrayal, playing with his emotions tae steal something from under his very nose. He’s suffered enough pain over the last while. Discovering yer deception will only add tae it.”
Though she hardly thought it possible, Finn’s words made her feel even more dreadful. It was hardly like she had forgotten, but he had reminded her of Duncan’s sorrow with the loss of his wife and son. Their deaths and his grief had been swirling in her awareness, but having it pointed out to her so clearly, brought Duncan’s feelings even more to the fore. What had she done? Only moments ago, she had hopes that he might help her find Rhona. In truth, he would hate her. She would be lucky not to find herself in the same dungeons her father had been thrown into.
“Och, Finn,” Elaine suddenly cried. “I’ve been such a fool.” Dropping her head into her hands, Elaine thought tears might overwhelm her once more, but it seemed like she had cried all she could for one night, for they did not come at all.
“Now, now, lass,” he leaned over and patted her on the shoulder, “what’s done is done. At least ye’ve come tae me with the truth. That has tae count for something.”
Did it really? She had weaseled her way into the castle and Duncan’s life. It was not only the betrayal of his bed, but of his heart that pained her. Like she did for him, Elaine knew he felt something for her too. And while she had been a pillar of support when he had poured out his soul and told her of his pain and sorrow, how would he see her now? Even though she had been genuine in her comfort, he would never believe that, once he learned of her reasons for being there, even if she swore it. He had distanced himself from her these past few nights, but when he discovered what she had to tell him, she would never be able to reach him again.
Her sadness now was not for Duncan’s feelings only, but for her own heart, for though she had come to the castle hating the man, she would be leaving it, if he let her, with her heart broken in pieces.
“Maybe it’s time ye retired tae yer chamber, Elaine. Ye look exhausted, and ye have a big task tae face on the morrow,” Finn said kindly.
“Aye, yer right,” Elaine said, standing from her chair.
Finn stood at the same time and turned toward her. “Will ye be all right? Would ye like me tae walk ye back up?”
“Nae, thank ye, Finn,” she shook her head. “I will be grand. Thank ye for everything. For listening tae me, and nae hating me entirely.”
“Och, nae, lass. We’ll have none o’ that talk. All will be well, I promise.”
Elaine exited the library and walked slowly back to her chamber, each emotion tightly entwined and wrapped around the other. There was a sense of relief in unburdening herself, in passing on the hardship of what she had been carrying to another. She couldn't be more grateful that Finn was there, both as a listener who didn't judge her and as someone who wanted to help her with what she needed to do.
Further to that though, were the consequences of what she would be forced to face tomorrow. While she did not relish being on the receiving end of Duncan’s wrath, what she feared more was the pain she was going to cause him. The idea of seeing such anguish of her treachery in his eyes as he regarded her, made her feel sick to her stomach. Deceived in his own bed, he would not be able to hear anything else she might say other than her lies. He would not listen to her if she told him that she loved him, or that what had started out as betrayal had turned into something so much more significant to her. All that would fall on deaf ears.
In that very moment, as she closed her chamber door behind her and dropped her cloak onto the bed, Elaine knew without a doubt, it was that knowledge that pained her the most. Her other concerns were not far away and simmered near the surface of her awareness, her heart was already broken. For tomorrow, she would lose the only man she had ever loved—the first man who had made her feel what it was to be a woman in a way she had never before experienced, who had awoken such senses within her.
With a heavy heart, she slid the drawer to her desk open and touched the portraits she had already drawn of his striking features. Taking the paper he had gifted her only earlier that evening, she sat at the desk. With her new chalks, she began on a portrait of him that would likely be the last. The last in this castle, at least. After tomorrow, she would either be sleeping in the dungeons or exiled back to the farmhouse.
Her mind drifted to the night before. Elaine recalled waking in the early hours of the morning. Turning in the bed, she had watched Duncan as he slept soundly beside her. He was dressed and lay upon the covers. Evidently, sometime after she had fallen asleep, exhausted and blissfully relaxed following another night of passionate excitement, he had risen for whatever reason and dressed, only to return to bed later on. With gentle shallow breaths as he lay sleeping, his mouth and eyes were soft. His usually animated brow lay still and relaxed, and strands of his hair had hung boyishly across his forehead. She had sighed and recollected wanting to remember every line of his face, including the scar that taunted him so much.
All her other portraits had been of him awake, looking at her from the lifeless paper. She closed her eyes. Bringing the memory firmly back into her mind, she began drawing what she remembered from her long watchfulness of him last night. While the other portraits had been drawn with some level of joy or peacefulness, this picture was infused with her sadness as though how she merged with the chalk and transferred herself onto the thick paper beneath. Perhaps, on discovering what she had done, he would burn all the drawings she had made of him, but Elaine was determined that she would keep this one for herself. Duncan would be with her forever, even if a portrait of him was all she would ever possess.
When she had finished, exhausted with the overwhelm of everything that had happened, Elaine took the finished drawing and pinned it above her bed next to the picture she had of herself, Angus, and Rhona. It was a bizarre thought, but she would sleep that night with the most significant people in her life watching over her.
* * *