Holding my breath, I brushed my fingers along his jaw and tugged his face back around. “Why do you hide from me?”
Pain flashed across his features, but it was gone in a heartbeat.Because if I didn’t, you wouldn’t like what you saw, he signed slowly, finger spelling most of the words for my benefit.
“What makes you think I like what I see now?” I teased, dropping my hand to play with the gold tassels along the waistband of my skirt. A brief half smile pulled at the corner of his lips, disappearing just as quickly. “What were you and Ariadne talking about earlier?” I asked, trying a different approach. Every bit of emotion drained from his face, and the muscle along his jaw tightened, his hands curling into fists.
“Wow. That bad, huh?” My laugh was weak as I tried to get him to open back up, but the moment we’d shared was gone, and he remained closed off and stone-faced. I couldn’t blame him, not if what she’d been talking to him about was what I thought it was—the exact same thing she’d been trying to push me into agreeing to do the day before. I guessed that left something to be said about Ryker’s character if he was unwilling to claim me before our bonding. Then again, he seemed as reluctant as ever to touch me. I still wasn’t sure what that was about. He could take me down without even blinking. Why was he so scared of me?
Depression joining my exhaustion, I leaned back against the tree beside him. “You know, you don’t have to do anything she says. She’s just the empress' advisor.” Ryker stiffened, peering down at me. I arched an eyebrow and shrugged. “You’re not the only one she’s been trying to push around these past few days.”
Watching me for a long moment he sighed and leaned back against the tree. Emboldened, and with nothing left to lose thanks to having an expiration date, I reached out and threaded my fingers through his.
He let me—barely—the muscles tightening along his tan arm as his fingers twitched in mine. Pleased he didn’t move away, I curled my fingers around his limp ones and lifted his hand, inspecting each of the scars decorating his skin. Most were tiny imperfections, but there were several long gashes along the back of his hand that I ran the tips of my fingers over. What had done that to him?
A moment later he pulled away and signed.Why are you so fascinated by all of my flaws? Is it because you have none?
What? Is that really what he thought? My brows pulled together. “Just because I don’t have scars doesn’t mean I don’t have flaws. Trust me, I have plenty of them. Probably more than most.”
He lifted a skeptical brow.
“If you must know, I wish I had scars,” I murmured, thinking of all of his and Cassie’s. “They’re proof you’ve lived, that you’ve done something with your life. That you’re unique and not just an object waiting to be used.”
Ryker stared at me, and lifted his hands. I froze as he reached out and brushed his thumb along my cheek, directly over the place I’d been nicked by the blade of the assassin. I shivered at his burning touch, distinctly aware of the silent reminder of who exactly he was, and what I was to him. But in that moment, I didn’t care. Ryker’s walls were finally down and this was the perfect opportunity to fulfill my mother’s wishes—to prove to her that I wasn’t completely worthless.
Taking a shuddering breath, I placed my hand over his were it still rested against my cheek. I angled closer to him, glancing at his lips. His golden eyes widened in apparent understanding before I closed my eyes and leaned forward—a calloused hand pressed over my mouth, blocking my advances and I ripped my eyes open.
Ryker stared down at me, fear and confusion dancing in his gaze. He shook his head ever so slightly, and removed his hand.No, he signed and I wish he’d just slapped me for as much his refusal hurt.
“You really don’t want me, do you?” A tear escaped, trickling down my cheek and I leaned back against the tree, pulling my knees to my aching chest. For the second time that night, Ryker’s thumb caressed my cheek, chasing away the tear. I tried to pull away from his touch that made my traitorous heart dance, yet his fingers dropped to my chin, lifting my gaze. Remorse softened his features and he lifted his other hand, starting to sign before a voice cut him off.
“Kaleah?” I jumped away from Ryker as Ariadne’s head poked through the beaded screen on the door, her eyes lighting on me. “There you are, child.” She rushed across the dusk lit garden, worry spread over her features and my guilt and despair over my failures vanished in an instant.
“Is everything alright?” I pushed off the tree, meeting her halfway while Ryker trailed behind me.
“All is well, child, but your sister, she’s not feeling well—”
“Where is she?” My stomach twisted into knots.
“Peace,” Ari soothed, taking my hands in hers and stopping me from bolting past her. “She’s resting up in the infirmary for now, but has asked that she be left alone for the rest of the night.”
“Really?” That didn’t sound like her. Then again, if it had something to do with her pregnancy, keeping me at bay made sense, since technically I wasn’t supposed to know. “You’re sure she’s okay?” I asked, my voice cracking.
Ari nodded, squeezing my hands. “She’ll be just fine, dear. Probably ate too many delicacies for the banquet testing. You know how that girl loves her sweets.”
I couldn’t even laugh, dread eating me from the inside. Ari’s words didn’t matter. I wouldn’t be able to breathe easily until I knew for myself, until I could see my sister’s well-being with my own eyes and hold her close.
Too distraught to speak, Ari gave my hands one last squeeze, then brushed past me.
“This is for you.” In my peripheral, she presented what looked like a sealed note to Ryker. He stood stiff as a golem, and after several long moments, took it. He broke the seal, and his teeth pulled back in a snarl as his eyes twitched over the note.
“I won’t ask again,” Ari hissed so low I almost missed it.
She returned to my side, nothing but love in her eyes when she embraced me. “Don’t worry dear one, all will be well withyoursister.” I didn’t understand the emphasis of her words, nor did I care. I just wanted to visit Cassie.
Ari’s lips brushed my cheek in farewell, and with one last pointed glance at Ryker, she took her leave, fading back into the night toward the palace.
Free from her grasp, a sob escaped my chest, and I collapsed to my knees, my whole body trembling. I was almost completely ignorant about anything concerning pregnancy, but I’d heard horror stories of women dying, and the thought of possibly losing my sister overwhelmed me with a crashing wave of terror. Cassie had to be okay; I couldn't live without her.
Ryker strode closer, and I expected him to leave as well—especially after my earlier embarrassing attempt to kiss him. Yet as he reached my side, he knelt beside me on the ground and his strong arms enveloped me, awakening a desperate need—a desire not to be so alone. Forcing myself to take deep breaths, I melted into his embrace, leaning against his chest. He held me close, silent as ever, save for the beat of his racing heart beneath my ear. It matched the fury of my own.