“No. It’s not love. I’ve seen the way you and Alex look at each other—the look in his eyes was nothing like that.” I shuddered just remembering the intensity in his deep, gold stare.
Cassie’s smile vanished into a scowl. “So it’s lust. Selfish pig,” she spat. “He doesn’t deserve you. You should be loved and cherished.”
I chuckled as her excitement for me melted into anger. “No, it wasn’t lust. I’ve seen plenty of that, too, but even if it was, at least it’s not hatred, right?”
“I’m not sure which is worse.” She flicked her curtain of loose gold hair over her shoulder. “I mean, if he doesn’t love you, and you two do end up getting bonded—”
“Do I have a choice?”
“Think about your future daughter!” Cassie rushed, her cheeks flushed as her pretty face twisted into a glower.
My stomach clenched, an image of our father surfacing in my mind: his drunken, careless eyes, his rough demeanor, his absence in our lives. If Ryker didn’t kill me—and that was a bigif—and everything went according to the empress' desires, would he love our daughter, the possible next heir, even if he didn’t love me? I wouldn’t be there for her, a thought that made my blood boil. Would Ryker fill that role of being a father or would he shirk it? Did he even like children? Just another glaring reminder of how I knew next to nothing about the man my mother wanted to give me to.
“I hate this stupid ‘game’,” I moaned.
Cassie wrapped her arms around me, pulling my head into her lap. She ran her long fingers through my silver hair. “Me too. But I promise that no matter what, I’ll be there for your baby. I’ll never leave her.”
“Is that what I’m doing? Abandoning my future child?” I asked, a heavy weight settling on my chest. It was strange to think about. I was expected to bear the next heir for the empress—unless she chose Cassie’s child instead. If the empress did have her way, I wouldn’t even be there for the birth of my baby.
“No,” Cassie said, interrupting my thoughts. “You’re making a great sacrifice to serve your people and family.”
“Why are we even discussing this?” I stared up at Cassie. “We’re too young to be talking about babies and dying.”
Cassie pursed her lips. “Not really. Seventeen isn’t uncommon for young women to start families.”
“Well, we’re not seventeen for another few weeks,” I teased, tugging on a strand of her hair.
“Alright, enough moping!” Cassie scooted away and catapulted off the bed. “We told mother dearest we’d meet her in the clay room in half an hour, and it’s almost been that. Wouldn’t want to keep her waiting.” She got in one last eye roll before disappearing behind the silver beaded screen leading to the walk-in closet.
“Do you want me to call a maid?”
“Nope! I can dress myself—” Cassie popped back out in a loose fitting yellow cotton top and a pearl skirt. She gave an elaborated bow, making me laugh.
“I’m so jealous of your comfortable clothes,” I complained, sparing a glance for my pathetic outfit I’d had yet to change out of. At least it was more comfortable than what I was normally forced to wear.
Cassie offered me a pitying look just as a knock sounded at the door.
12
Life and Death
Iyankedthecanvastarp off and stared up in appreciation at the striking figure before me.
Unlike the generic golems the palace clay masters continually produced—who only had the basic form of a man but were otherwise just lumps of hardened clay dressed in armor—this golem was a work of art.Mywork of art. A skill I’d inherited from my father.
A giant beast of red-marbled clay imprinted with griffin feathers towered over me. Toned arms rested at his sides, framing a broad armored chest and obsidian stone eyes stared down at me from the mask of a griffin's skull that I’d used to create his face, making him a horrifying and spectacular sight to behold. Half man, half monster—at least that was the look I’d been going for.
“Sin, girl. And you said you didn’t have ideals for your perfect man?” Cassie said from beside me, bringing me back to reality. “I think you sculpted him.”
“No, Judex is my idealgolem; there’s a difference.” I explained, and she cocked an eyebrow. “If I ever met a man with a skull and beak for a face, I’d run screaming as fast as I could in the opposite direction.”
We both laughed but I didn’t look away from him. Judex. He was everything I wasn’t—powerful, intimidating, unbreakable—the manifestation of my inner weaknesses and flaws made strong with a dash of artistic flair that revealed itself in my love of griffins.
My attention panned to the corner of the room where Ryker leaned against the wall. He eyed the golem like it was nothing more than a speck of worthless dirt before meeting my gaze. I looked away. I had yet to face him, and I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready forthatconfrontation.
“Such a waste of time.” The empress sniffed, gliding into the room in an ornate teal gown, her head held high as she eyed the huge golem. “A normal golem would have suited your purpose just as well as this gussied up peacock and taken half the time.”
“And been half the fun to make.” I sighed. “If I’m going to create something, I want to do it well.”