With that she hands me back my heart and it shatters in the space between us.
He’s hurting.
His heart is breaking.
I did that.
I hastily swipe at the errant tears running down my face as I watch Noah sleep beside me.
He fell asleep holding me, the tears drying on his face as he succumbed to his exhaustion.
I know what he wants from me, and even though I desperately want to meet him halfway, my fear is overtaking everything.
I had always been afraid of intimacy. Forming connections and building relationships isn’t something I was ever good at. Anytime someone got close enough, I always felt like I was hanging on the edge of the cliff and they were on the other side daring me to jump. In the end, I always walked away because the possibility of getting hurt was too great for me to risk.
I grew up with a mom whose whole world revolved around me so when she died, I surrendered to that fear.
Until Noah came and I felt safe enough in his ability to catch me.
I need to know that he and Adrian are safe. I have no idea what this Sotnas wants but it can’t be good. That’s not a risk I’m willing to take. He already threatened Noah’s life once. If I have to bargain myself in the process, that’s what I’m prepared to do. I would sacrifice myself over and over again for my family.
The fact of the matter is, Noah saved my life then gave me one worth living.
* * *
Morning comes quickly,and before I know it, I’m back in the basement with all four agents . Gabe is going over the surveillance cameras, cross-checking the footage with something on the huge tablet on his arm. Mina is hunched over the corner desk, cleaning weapons and making eyes with Ben, who is pretending not to notice. His eyes are glued to his monitors. But every now and then, he steals a look over his shoulder, his gaze zeroed in on her.
My eyes trail beside him to my husband. Noah brought the playpen in here and I watch as he sets Adrian down for his afternoon nap.
This morning, for the first time in weeks, I woke up before him and he was still passed out beside me when I got up to feed and change Adrian.
He obviously needed the rest.
Noah straightens, looking over his shoulder at me. He tries to give me a reassuring smile that comes off like a grimace, and I know he’s remembering our conversation last night. His reluctance to get me involved is plastered all over his face.
But I very much am involved. I am, begrudgingly, the subject of this whole case and the
only leverage the FBI has.
Noah looks down at me, reaching out to squeeze my hands gently.
“I’m right here, okay? If it gets to be too much, just let me know.”
I blow out a breath. “I’m ready.”
Gabe letsthe last box of files fall down to the floor with a thump. He curses under his breath as he kicks the box under the desk.
“So, nothing?”
“I’m sorry. Maybe I can go through it again?”
“We’ve gone through it three times now, Ria. If you don’t recognize any of them by now, chances are you don’t know any of them.”
I nod, feeling completely useless. How do I not have the slightest clue why this man is after me? Am I that clueless?
I look over at Noah and find him deep in thought as he paces next to Adrian’s crib. He has a thoughtful expression on his face, like he’s trying to figure something out.
After a few more minutes of absolute silence, I open my mouth to say something when Noah whirls around and grabs the box containing the surveillance photos Sotnas had taken of me.