Ria’s eyes are still the prettiest I’ve ever seen, soft brown eyes that burn with so much emotion, I lose myself in it. Her hair is longer now. Her hourglass figure is gone, her frame much thinner.
I’ve been afraid to ask, but I want to know about the last fifteen months of her life.
I want to know every moment she cried, every single second of fear she had.
All the moments that were stolen from us—good and bad.
I want to know every pregnancy craving she had and how Adrian’s birth was. I want to know when he first lifted his head, first laughed, first sat on his own and just… everything.
Ria clucks her tongue at me, disapproving of my lack of response. She reaches over and grabs my hand, tugging me towards the bed.
When we get there, she lets go and remains standing, her brows meeting in concern and frustration.
“On the bed, Noah.”
I’m still staring at her as I perch on the edge of the bed, confused.
“Ree?”
With a heavy sigh, her hands go to her hips and her eyes flitter around my face.
“Noah. You’ve clearly not slept in days. Your body is exhausted. Your mind is overworked.”
She gives me a gentle shove.
“Lay down.”
The tone of her voice brooks no judgment, but the double meaning in her words makes heat coil low in my belly. My face must belie my thoughts when one of her eyebrows quirks up.
“I’m not ready, Noah.” She whispers hesitantly, her eyes shining.
I take her hand in mine, gently rubbing the pad of my thumb on her knuckles.
“It’s okay, baby. I understand—”
“No, you don’t Noah,” she interjects, pulling her hand back. “I don’t-I don’t know if I will ever be ready to be intimate with you… or anyone like that ever again.”
I try to ignore the sting of her words, especially after she addedanyoneto that sentence. The thought of her not feeling safe with me is already unbearable, but the thought of her even thinking of being with anyone else is downright excruciating.
There’s really nothing I can do or say at this moment to assure her we will get back tousagain. I lie down and stare at the ceiling trying to bury the pain and longing away but it still ebbs and flows inside me.
I hear a choking sob and before I realize the sound is coming from me, she crawls into my arms. She buries her face in my neck and her arms wrap around me until we’re both clinging to each other. Her breath fans my neck as I feel her hot tears dampen my shirt.
“I’m sorry, Noah. I shouldn’t-shouldn’t have said anyone. I just mean—I’m not there yet and I’m worried. I don’t know if I can ever get there.”
Her hands frame my face, and she gazes into my eyes for a long time before she speaks again.
“I know this is just as hard and terrifying for you as it is for me. I know you. I know the weight of protecting us is keeping you awake, but that’s exactly why you need to rest. Because we need you. We need you alert and at a hundred percent in order to get us out and through this. This—this whole thing is way beyond my wildest nightmares but never for a single second do I doubt your ability to keep us safe. I just—I’m scared, Noah, and the only way I can feel even a tiny smidge of release from fear is if you promise me that no matter what happens, our son comes first. That you will protect him first.”
This woman holds my heart. I’m powerless to do anything but follow her lead.
I nod, even though my heart breaks at the mere thought of being without her again.
She gives me a small, teary smile. “Whatever happens, just think about the fact that our love made something as beautiful—” she glances over her shoulder at Adrian, “—as our son.”
I choke out another sob as I pull her against me, my nose pressed to her hair, trying to center myself with her scent and the feel of her skin against mine.
“Thank you, Noah.”