“Curious of the girl behind the sad smile.”
His eyes meet mine. Something in them begs me to stay quiet and wait for him to continue.
“It was two years ago. I saw you crying in the back lot. Then I watched as you pulled yourself together and forced yourself to smile... to go on. I was in awe of the sheer will it took to get you there. For the last two years, I’ve wondered about you. Wondered if you were okay. Wondered what made you so sad. I couldn’t bring myself to go back because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to pull myself away. Something kept pulling me back to you however because the second I quit my job, I found myself back at the café again. That first day, I saw you fly around with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes, yet you managed to fool everyone. I never meant to make you feel uneasy or unsafe with my presence. But just like the coffee, it was addicting. I found myself needing to see you. To make sure you were alright.”
My hand flies to cover my mouth as I listen to him describe one of the worst days of my life. The day I had to pack up the apartment I lived in with Mom. She died just the week before and that same day, I was told by our landlord I had to leave. I packed what I could into Mom’s car, storing it in the cheapest storage facility I could find, and then I drove to work knowing that was it. That was the end of living and the beginning of surviving.
“My mom died two years ago,” The words tumbled out of me in a rush.
I search his eyes, taking in his reaction. He looks taken aback for a second then his eyes soften in understanding. It encourages me to keep going.
“That day you saw me? It was a week after she had passed. My mom’s medical expenses had piled up. Even after I dropped out and was working three jobs, I was still struggling to pay our bills on time. By the time she died, I was already a few months behind on rent and I got evicted that day. I packed up what I could, dumped it in storage then went to work like nothing had ever happened because I had no other choice but to keep going.”
Noah shifts so his body is angled towards me, letting me know I have his full attention. I can’t help but marvel at the fact that this man cares enough to listen to what I have to say.
“How did you end up living here?”
“I ran into Aunt Patty at one of my old jobs at a retail store. I had no idea she and Penny had moved here as well so when she offered me a place to stay, I took it. And as luck would have it, shortly after that, I was contacted by a nonprofit that offered to pay off the rest of mom’s hospital bills.”
“That must have been such a relief.”
I nod, sinking into the cushions. “It really was. For the first time, I didn’t have to worry about money and just be. I enrolled myself back in school and now here I am.”
“What about your dad?”
My eyes drop to my lap. I should have anticipated this question. After living my whole life not knowing who my father is, you would think I would be numb to his nonexistence but the mere mention of him still hurts.
“I never met him. All my mom would tell me was that she met him on one of her trips to the Philippines.”
The only person I have ever opened up to like this was my mom. The fact that I’m here with Noah right now, talking about my life is making me feel self conscious.
“You’re incredible Ria.”
I bite my lip, unsure how to respond.
“I’m serious, Ria. You’ve gone through so much on your own. Your strength and resilience is admirable.”
I simply stare at him in awe. I’m unsure about a lot of things and I’ve never felt worthy of anyone’s kindness. It was a rarity in my life that’s only happened a handful of times so it’s unfamiliar. Uncomfortable even.
But this time, it’s different. It isn’t any of those things.
After a few moments of me just staring at him, he starts to fidget nervously in his seat, worry creasing his forehead.
“Are you mad? I can go… I think I should probably stay the night, but if you don’t feel safe with me here after what I just told you, I’ll sit in my car and make sure he doesn’t come back.”
I have no idea what I’ve done in my life to deserve someone like Noah and I don’t know if I deserve it either.
But I’m exhausted.
I’m tired of being alone.
Tired of having to pretend I’m not breaking inside.
I’m tired of being scared.
Maybe it’s time to live like my mom.
She always saw the good in people.