“Do you want to talk about it?” Vivian offers and I shake my head.
I know I should talk this out because not talking about it before is how I got into this situation to begin with. “I just feel so angry and powerless and frustrated. I want to take the time with Bryan, all of it but especially this last time, and throw it in the trash. I don’t feel like me; I don’t remember being that girl.”
“I’m so sorry, Elia. Anything you need, just tell me,” Vivian offers.
I set the kitten down on the table, watching her delight in having something new to explore.
“A spa day should help everyone start to feel a little better. I can even call Taryn,” Ainsley says decisively, and I look over at her, surprised. I appreciate her staying to comfort Vivian, but her continued presence doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think we talked much past the apology she’d issued at the gala, so what is she still doing here?
“Taryn has been missing you too,” Vivian points out.
As much as I would like to see Taryn, I’m not ready to see her yet and have to rehash this entire story. Later, next week, when I’ve had some time to sort out my feelings and thoughts, I’d like to. But right now, they’re all a jumble, caught in how mad I am at myself and Jack. The desire to have a time machine has never been as strong as it is now.
“Why are you here?” I ask, my voice harsher than I’d intended, but Ainsley seems unaffected by my tone.
“I was supposed to have breakfast with Charlie but...everyone was here.” I wait for her to elaborate. “What, are you asking why I didn’t turn tail the minute I saw you here? Because Charlie and I were friends long before we were lovers.”
My stomach turns at her choice of words. When she sees that her answers are not satisfactory, she lets out a sigh.
“Elia. I’m not afraid of you, I’m not threatened by you, and I don’t want Charlie back.”
My entire body relaxes.
“I’m sorry for my behavior on New Year’s Eve and at the gala. I’ve been getting a lot of mixed signals from family and friends since you showed up. Charlie and I finally cleared the air after you left him. He managed to not be belligerent for one night and we were able to have a good talk. Jack and I were splitting Charlie-watching duty to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid, like text you, which he did, or hire a PI to find you when you never texted him back, which he was considering.
“So, to answer your question, I’m still here because you looked like you could use some good people around you. I also thought Jack had it coming.” She looks at Vivian then. “I’m sorry, but he’s been a grade-A asshole since freshman year of college. You deserve better.” She takes a bite of her bagel.
“Then why is Charlie even friends with him?” I snag a wandering kitten, who immediately dives into my hair, clawing at it.
“Jack is all about the microaggressions, like pointing someone in the direction of their ex when neither are even looking for that particular door to be open. Because Dartmouth is a very bro-centric environment and he was neverdirectlyshitty in a big way to Chuck himself. And then when he got Jack the internship with his dad’s company, Charlie overlooked a lot of his shittyness for the sake of the business. For all of Jack's faults, heisgood at his job.”
“But he’s super fucking toxic,” I say, my fingers tracing the bruises on my neck. He may not have inflicted them himself but it was still his fault they were there.
“Hi, who do you think told me I should give Charlie a lap dance on New Year’s? Which, I haven’t really apologized to your face for, but Iamsorry. I should have put two and two together after seeing you with Charlie at the engagement party. That was also Jack’s doing. He told me that you were Charlie’s flavor of the week, and that Charlie just didn’t want to risk being single at the engagement party if I was going to be there. The signs were there but I ignored them, and for that, I’m sorry.”
I nod, realizing that she’d been as much of a pawn as I had been. Now that the tension is broken, Ainsley gets up and begins rummaging around the kitchen. She makes us mimosas and the three of us sit on the couch to have an actual conversation.
“I was serious before. You have nothing to worry about with Charlie and me. He’s a good guy but he’s just not good for me. I’ve decided to start exploring the buffet of men that New York City has to offer and I’m enjoying thehellout of it.” Ainsley clinks her glass with Vivian.
“Good for you. I’m swearing off men for now. First Connor, then Jack. I’m miserable at picking winners.”
“Sounds like you and I will be having a lot of casual sex for the foreseeable future. Not together, unless you’re into that.” Ainsley raises her glass and winks at Vivian, who tosses her head back with a laugh. She’s forcing it a little, but I love her for it. She just ended her engagement, and like it or not, it did have a significant amount to do with me. But she’s not home wallowing, though her eyes are still red-rimmed and watery; she’s here with me, making sure I know I am loved and safe. Sometimes, I don’t think I deserve her as a friend.
Charlie walks in and dusts snow off his shoulders.
“Don’t you three look cozy,” he says, placing a bag on the island before taking his jacket off. I realize that when he left the house he’d only had on a shirt, a light jacket, and his old sweatpants.
“Where did you disappear to?” Ainsley asks.
“Oh, nowhere in particular. I just needed a walk,” He’s vague as he disappears into his bedroom.
“That’s convincing,” Ainsley mutters, getting up to refill our glasses. I hand her mine and follow Charlie into the bathroom, where he’s washing his hands. When he winces, I move closer and examine his hands. His knuckles are bruised and bleeding. I worriedly look up at him.
“I didn’t hit him, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Charlie says, locking eyes with me in the mirror. I grab the disinfectant and some bandages, setting them on the counter.
“Not that I didn’t want to.” He winces as I clean up his hands. “God, I wanted to. But I just told him that if he so much as thinks of you, I’m going to bury him in legal problems until the day he dies.” His hands are still shaking. “I wanted to fucking end him.” Charlie’s rage is palpable. “It was cathartic, hitting Jack, but I didn’t like it. I would have enjoyed hitting Bryan.”
When I finish cleaning and bandaging his hands, I let them go and step back. “What did you do? If you want to tell me,” I say, hoping he will. We never resolved what we are now. Charlie was clear that he’s here to stay, but I feel more broken than I did after the accident. Before, I was free of emotional baggage. Now if we take a trip, I have so much I’m going to have to check it.