Forever,
Elia
By the time I sign my name, I can’t contain the deep hiccupping sobs that rack my body. I sit at the island with tears streaming down my face as I fold the letter. I press my lips against it, lean it up against a mug, and then close the door on us forever.
The tears don’t stop once I’m out of the apartment. I send a text to Bryan to let him know that I’m going back to my own apartment. I’m not running back into his arms, though. I believe what he said about us being together, but I don’t know him. And I can’t leave Charlie and run into someone else’s arms. I might let Charlie think that, though. I hope someday Charlie will forgive me, even though I don’t deserve it, and see that this was for him.
Bryan offers to meet at my apartment but I ignore his text and call Vivian instead. I must look like a crazy person to my cab driver, but I don’t care. When Vivian doesn’t answer, I’m an odd combination of crushed and relieved. This way, I can just text her what is happening, adding on to the one I already started about my things. It’s a lengthy text but is better than leaving a voicemail.
Before I can hit send, Vivian texts me, saying that she’s in a meeting with the florist and will call me back later. I don’t respond. Instead, I delete the entire wall of text I had been writing. I can’t adequately convey what is happening via text.
I’m surprised to find Bryan waiting for me outside my building. He’s dressed the same as he was at breakfast. I’ve changed and showered, even though I was sad to wash off the feel of Charlie’s hands on my body. Bryan pushes off of the wall he was leaning on and walks over to me, taking my suitcase from the trunk. Once I’m free of the cab, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest. I’m stiff and awkward but he hugs me close anyway.
I push him away, the keys tight in my hands. “I told you that I didn’t need you to come,” I say, reaching for my suitcase.
He keeps my suitcase at arm’s length and then grabs the keys from my hand and pockets them. “I know but I was close by. I wanted to be here for you and have a better conversation than this morning, without Mr. Megabucks looking over your shoulder. I figured that was why you were so tense.” His hand settles on my shoulder, digging his thumb into my tense muscles. It only serves to make me clam up more.
I hate that I wind up feeling thankful for him being there when my leg starts to hurt on the fourth-floor landing. Dancing last night in heels had done my leg no favors and it’s honestly easier that he is carrying my suitcase up the flights of stairs. When I get to the top of the stairs, I notice that he not only has my suitcase, but a bag of his own.
I’m too winded to ask him where the bag came from. He turns my key in the door and pushes it open, letting us both into the space. The musty smell still hasn’t faded. It’s January but I walk over and pop open the window over the kitchen sink. I need fresh air in this stifling space.
“We were going to be married in two weeks,” Bryan says wistfully, looking around the room. There are no photos of us in here, I realize, and I frown at the thought.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that.”
“Nothing, you don’t have to say anything. I just thought I should acknowledge it.”
I set my phone down on the small kitchen table. I put my hand out for my keys but Bryan ignores my hand as he walks into the bedroom and then strides back out into the kitchen. He is walking with the authority of someone who has been here before.
“Where did that come from?” I ask, gesturing at his bag.
“My friend, Des, lives in this building too. He actually got his apartment thanks to you. I packed up a bag and left it with him since I figured I would come stay with you until the stairs aren’t such a trial.”
I don’t like it, but he has a point. It was a lot for me to climb the stairs, almost too much. Although I’m not sure what he can do to help me with them.
“You’re out of beer,” he comments with a laugh, holding the door wider for me to see that the fridge is very empty.
“I’m out of everything. I haven’t exactly been here.” It’s a struggle to keep the bite out of my voice.
Bryan crosses to me, twining a finger around a lock of my damp hair, and giving it a tug. It straddles the line of too much but I turn and look up at him. “I’ll go get us some groceries so I can make dinner tonight. You always were useless in the kitchen.” Before I can stop him, he strides out the door, my keys still in his hand.
Embracing the solitude, I use the time to unpack and tidy up. I try to rearrange the space, removing things that don’t feel like they’re mine and setting them aside to either sell or trash. I had only come here with Charlie once, but all I can think of is us being here together. These thoughts make me want to bang my head against the wall. I need Charlie in all the best ways, but thinking about him and what I’m missing...it hurts. It’s going to be hard for both of us, for now, but he’ll see: in the long run, this is the right thing. I think about what I want to text Vivian or Taryn, but don’t even know where to start to explain what I’ve done or why.
When Bryan returns, he has much more than just groceries. He apparently has more of his things as well.
“What’s all this?” I ask, crossing my arms, then immediately uncrossing them. It’s a defensive position and I don’t want him to feel like I’m attacking him.
“I figured I would just move in while you get settled. I know, I know, this is your ‘work space,’” he says, with finger quotes, “but I saw how you struggled with the stairs. It’s for your own good.”
He has a point but I refuse to cede to him.
“I really wish you would have asked me first.” I take the food bags, though, and start unloading them into the fridge and cabinets.
Bryan puts some of the things aside for dinner, I assume. “I’m sorry. I’m just so used to us working as a unit. I didn’t think you would have a problem with it. Besides, I brought my game system, so I’ll stay out of your hair while you ‘work.’” He uses the finger quotes again and I narrow my eyes.
“Don’tyouhave work?” I point out.
“No, I took off for the next two weeks so we could spend time together and get reacquainted.” He presses a kiss to my temple, before slapping my ass. “Go sit down, put your feet up, and relax while I make dinner.”