I flinch, leaning into Charlie. He pulls me to him, trying to tether me to him. I glance around to see if anyone else heard, but the party goes on around us as my whole world shifts on its axis.
“What was the fight about?” I ask, wondering what was so bad that he would think that I ghosted him for five months. That he thinks I would have walked out like that.
“I had been at a bachelor party and kissed a waitress. It was a stupid mistake that I was honest with you about. The last time I saw you, you were leaving in the middle of the night while it rained. I tried to plead with you to stay, but you said you needed space. I thought I was giving you space.” His voice cracks again and he rubs furiously at his eyes as a tear escapes. I fight the urge to correct him that it was a hurricane but splitting hairs over that seems petty. I could see myself having that sort of reaction to a betrayal like that; leaving, needing space, but I would never leave for so long.
“Lia, I love you. I’m so sorry,” he says, reaching out and taking my hands in his.
I am the one frozen this time, unsure what to do. I pull my hands back, just a little, but he holds tight to me, blue eyes boring into me. I don’t want to believe this. I don’t want to have, of all things, a fiancé hidden in the five years of lost memories. Maybe he’s just an actor hired by Charlie’s father or Jack to further sabotage us. But he called me Lia. It’s a nickname I’ve had before, and it feels familiar somehow coming from this stranger. The lure of finally getting answers is too strong.
“This really isn’t the place for this,” Charlie says abruptly.
Bryan stands, not wanting to let go of me. “Can we talk after this is over? Please?” His voice is pleading. “Losing you once nearly ended me. I can’t lose you again.”
Charlie reaches into his pocket and pulls out a business card, always prepared. “Call me tomorrow and we can set up a time.” Charlie’s voice is calm but I can feel him nearly shaking beside me.
“No, it needs to be tonight,” Bryan insists, tightening his grip on my limp hands.
Charlie sighs, looking at me. I meet his eyes and I can’t imagine what he sees reflected back at him. Fear, confusion, love. I know what I see in his: terror and steely resolve.
“Get back to work and you will have an answer before we leave.” Charlie’s voice is firm, his work voice that I’ve heard him use on calls.
Bryan doesn’t seem to like being dismissed but finally lets go and walks off.
Charlie sits back down and pulls me close to him, turning so I’m looking at him.
“You don’t have to talk to him,” Charlie reassures me, voice soft.
I seem to come back into the moment. I’m no longer floating above myself, watching these events unfold and wondering what to do with this new information. Fate threw Charlie and I together, but was it just so Charlie could learn that there is more to life than work? Is this the universe's way of correcting our course? Sending me back into the life I don’t remember so Charlie doesn’t have to address the ultimatum?
“I think I have to. You don’t?” I ask. I need guidance, someone to tell me what I should do.
“I am the first person who will support you in anything and everything you do.” He lets out a breath and looks in my eyes, trying to read my mind.
I can’t look at him, looking past him around the party, everyone in their glittering dresses and tuxedos. Of all the thoughts that cross my mind, the horrible little insecure voice in my head reminds me about what his father said and what Jack continues to say about our relationship. I trace a finger along Charlie’s strong jaw, my thumb brushing his lips. He purses them, kisses my thumb, grabs my hand, and then kisses the inside of my palm. I have to hold onto the feel of his skin against mine.
If hearing Bryan out and letting Charlie go will save Charlie from having to choose between me and his closest friends and family, then I will do it. I have to do it. I love this man. I love everything about him, but I won’t put him in the position where he has to choose between me and his father, me and his job, me and his friends.
“I think I owe it to the woman I was for the last five years to talk to him. He was my fiancé before the accident.”
I watch as my words strike him the way I want them to. His eyes shutter, bringing back the guilt of the early days when all he would talk about was trying to make my life right again. The mention of what I lost is all it takes to stir those buried feelings of his. What he may have taken from me because of the accident or what I left behind. Neither one of us imagined a fiancé lurking.
“If this is what you want, then I’ll set it up.” Charlie presses a kiss to my forehead and I think we both feel that this is the beginning of the end. I try to savor the feel of his kiss on my skin but I know that it will fade. Even if nothing comes from talking to this Bryan guy, I’ve done enough to Charlie. Tonight made it clear why I don’t fit in with his crowd. I wish we had never returned from Bora Bora because there our bliss was genuine, but here in New York, there is no bliss for us; just the harshness and cruelty of the real world.
He rises and goes back to find Bryan. I sit at the table and cover my mouth with my hand as I consider what I have just done.
Chapter 23
Charlie,truetohisword, set up a meeting with Bryan. We found a quiet, neutral place for us to talk the next day since Bryan was desperate to have this conversation. Charlie and I barely speak when we head home and then retire early due to the elephant in the room. There is no ravishing as promised earlier. I can’t really sleep. I wonder what’s on Charlie’s mind, and if the restless movements next to me are any indication, Charlie doesn’t sleep either.
I can barely handle looking Charlie in the eye as we head to the meeting. Is his father’s ultimatum running through his mind? Is he wondering what he would do if he was fired and blacklisted? I don’t know how much power his father has to make that happen. He seems like the sort of snake oil salesman who has a lot of chips to cash in and a lot of friends in powerful places. Would Charlie’s trust fund keep him afloat? Would his friends still talk to him if he’s so completely exiled?
Before we go into the restaurant, Charlie holds me back, his hands gently holding my upper arms. “Are you sure?” he asks, his eyes searching my face, looking for even a hint of hesitation.
I don’t trust myself to speak, so I just nod. Charlie holds the door open for me and steps back to give me space. If he knew I was doing this for him, he wouldn’t let me go. I wouldn’t put it past him to throw me over his shoulder and march us home.
Bryan is already seated in a booth, playing with a pack of cigarettes on the table. When he sees me, his eyes don’t leave me. I’m more bundled up than in the dress I was in last night. I feel safer in the wool sweater and boots than in the red dress and heels.
Charlie looks from me to Bryan before crossing to the bar and pulling up a stool. I wasn’t sure I could talk to my fiancé while my boyfriend sat beside me.