“Thanks, Taryn,” Vivian says, as we break apart and sit down. “Enough about that. I’ve ordered mimosas so tell me what has been going on. You were in Bora Bora, what the actual fuck? That’s awesome,” Vivian blurts, trying to keep the flow of conversation. It’s easy to start with the superficial and rebuild just some of the rapport we had, but I came here for answers, for some sort of insight into what happened.
“I mean it was amazing, but I was hoping you could tell me what’s been going on. I was in a car accident in September. I don’t remember a whole lot about the last five years.” The words rush out of my mouth before I have a chance to really think about what I want to say. I take a nervous sip of my water, hoping I haven’t scared her off. The appearance of a waiter cuts off any other embarrassing babble. Quickly, I look at the menu and pick the first agreeable thing I see.
“Shut the front door! Tell me more,” she says, resting her elbows on the table with her chin perched on her hands as she listens with rapt attention. I realize just how badly I missed this, how badly I missed the way that Vivian could make you feel like the center of the world with her words. She was always a tremendous listener.
“Yeah, literally. So, I was hit by a car that had this guy who works in the financial district in it. He’s been nursing me back to health this whole time. I mean, he’s stupid rich and flew us to Bora Bora for two weeks. I feel like I have to be in a coma and that none of this is real,” I say. Vivian reaches out and pinches my arm on the small spot of skin where I rolled up my sleeve, careful of her manicured tips.
“Ow,” I say, rubbing my arm, pouting at her.
“Seems pretty real to me. Where are you living these days?” she asks, taking a sip of her drink as if this were the most normal thing in the world.
“Actually, with the guy. His name is Charlie and he’s been really fantastic.” I swing around to peek at him, but he’s on his phone again. When I turn back to Vivian, her eyes are still on me. “I was living in a seventh floor walk-up in Washington Heights and I couldn’t handle the stairs.”
“Charlie is a pretty great guy, isn’t he?” The way she says this makes me pause. I cock my head to the side, waiting for her to go on. When she catches my confusion, she continues. “My fiancé, Jack, and Charlie are friends. Jack’s been bitching that Charlie isn’t around for him to hang out because of some new broad. Imagine my surprise seeing a photo of you two on Pictogram.”
I know the smile on my face is fake as fuck, and she can tell, but I keep it there frozen while I process this information. Puzzle pieces that seemed to have no home suddenly fit in ways I didn’t expect. I realize the reason that her fiancé looked familiar is because there are photos of Jack and Charlie in his apartment from college and beyond. Which means that Charlie knew who Vivian was when I showed him the picture. I don’t realize that Vivian is still talking until I look back at her.
“I’m sorry, I missed that. Can you repeat it?” I ask, focusing on her. I have to try now in a way that I didn’t before. Why didn’t Charlie mention that he knew Vivian? Is that why Taryn knew her name when we got here? For every answer I thought I was going to get, I find that I just have more questions.
“I was just saying that I’m glad we could reconnect after so many years.” Her sculpted eyebrows quirk down in concern, but then her face shifts back to excitement. I don’t have the time to worry about that right now since she’s given me the opening I need.
“What happened? I mean, as far as I can remember, which for me feels like a few months ago instead of five years, you were moving in with Connor. And then I have nothing after that.” Her moving in with Connor had been natural. They started dating in college and were still together for years after. So, as our lease was ending, it was the obvious next step for them.
“Nothing?” Vivian asks, uncertainly. There are cracks in her façade showing as she sips her mimosa.
“Nothing. I only knew my address because of my ID. Otherwise when Charlie asked, I would have said our old place.”
She seems to consider this, her lower lip sucked into her mouth. Vivian was never very good at hiding her thoughts. I could always read them on her face. But something changed and I realized I don't know what she's thinking right now.
“Do you trust me?” she asks, seriously. Whatever it was, I wasn’t expecting this question.
“Is there a reason for me not to in the last five years?”
“No, but believe me when I say, let’s leave it in the past. The reason isn’t a problem anymore, so it would be pointless to bring up that ugliness.”
“I get that, Viv, but I really want some answers. I need answers. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m blonde, something I never thought I would do, and not like honey blonde. I’m platinum blonde.” I pull my hair out of the ponytail to show her. We’re silent again as the waiter delivers our food, both murmuring our thanks to him, as she decides what to reveal. Vivian looks pained when she finally opens up.
“You started to see someone new. His name was Ben or Brad or something. I honestly don’t remember because I never met him. If you hung out with him, it was always at his place, and any time he was supposed to come out with us, he flaked. He seemed like kind of a dick, but I had just moved in with Connor and I was busy with my last year of law school and my internship. We started talking less and less until we just stopped. You asked me to remove all photos of us from Pictogram and then, nothing. The night I got engaged, Connor threw a big party and you just didn’t show.
“I tried texting and calling. Any time I did, it said the number was out of service. This was maybe like three, four years ago? We’ve been out of touch the whole time. I assume that you’re not with that guy anymore if you’re living with Charlie. Since this version of you values my opinion, I, ten out of ten, highly approve of this match.”
“I just cut you out?” I’m so confused, so lost. The words come out sad and desperate. Her hand reaches out to my wrist, grasping it gently. I think about the memories, or I think they’re memories, of me arguing with a faceless man. Is this the same guy? Did things with this Ben or Brad guy end and I felt like it was too late to fix things with Viv? No way I was in a relationship at the time of the accident; otherwise, he would have been looking for me.
“You have me now. That's all that matters. Let the past be the past. I don’t care. Really, I don’t. I’m getting married and my fiancé’s best man actually hit you with a car. If that isn’t fate, I don’t know what is.”
I laugh and swipe at the tears that threaten to fall. “Well, I don’t have much to tell you about the last five years, so what have I missed?”
Any trepidation that may have been simmering under the surface fades. Vivian launches into what the last five years have looked like for her, starting with breaking up with Connor after catching him in bed with someone else. I finish my avocado toast in the time it takes her to explain all of this.
“How did you meet Jack?” I fight the urge to look back at Charlie. This is the first glimpse I’m getting into his world that he hasn’t provided himself and I’m excited to learn more about the people in his life.
“So, I’m at this bar after breaking up with Connor, trying to, like, get out there and feel like myself. There is this guy who literally won’t take no for an answer no matter how many times I tell him to stop touching my ass and that I don’t want him to buy me a drink.” Vivian barely pauses to get air, clearly used to having to tell this tale in the cutest and most charming way she can. “Well, someone taps me gently on the shoulder, and I think it’s the guy so I throw my glass of red wine in his face, saying, ‘No means no, asshole.’” She’s struggling not to laugh. “And there is Jack, sweet Jack, standing there with my coat in his hand, his white shirt covered in red wine. He licks his lips, tasting the wine I just threw in his face. And he goes, ‘Well, I hope that wasn’t expensive because I’m not going to buy you another one.’” She laughs to herself at the thought of it.
“My coat had fallen off my chair, so he was just trying to be nice. I felt so awful and ordered a club soda to try to fix his shirt. While we waited for the club soda and while I tried to help him clean his shirt, we talked. It was the best careless move I ever made.” Her voice takes on this faraway, dreamy quality. In the years I’ve known her, I don’t think I ever heard her speak that way. “That was maybe two years ago? You and I were already out of touch by then, so you never met him.”
I reach out and take her hand the way she did mine earlier. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” I wish I could go back and be with her through all this; through breaking up with Connor and meeting Jack. I worry that I don’t deserve this second chance I’ve been given with my friend, but I know I’m not going to squander it.
“You’re here now and that’s really all that matters. Jack and I are getting married next fall, a little less than a year. Now, it’s all about wedding planning and figuring out what our future looks like together.”