Still, the idea of going somewhere new, somewhere with Charlie outside of the monotony of our everyday lives, excites me. In the absence of Charlie I’ve started to wonder if I should consider what life after him would look like. I had resisted his offers to get a private investigator to find Vivian initially, but when I thought he was avoiding me, I started to change my mind. I needed time to find myself again before I could risk the hurt that reaching out to Vivian might bring. I might be blowing it out of proportion, but if I’m not, I wasn’t ready for the potential fallout. If this really is a goodbye trip, then maybe finding Vivian can keep me moving forward.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” I lean against the wall, letting him pass. This time, he doesn’t crowd me, but the berth of space isn’t as large as it was yesterday.
“It’s a surprise,” he says, his face closer to mine.
I think he might kiss me again, and I move, just a touch closer to him, but he pulls back, a smirk on his face.
“When do we fly out?” I refuse to look at his lips, no matter how badly I want to.
“Tomorrow night. I’m taking a half day, which is why I’ve been working like a dog. I wanted to make sure I can take the time while we’re away.” There is an undercurrent to his words, something he’s saying without saying, but I refuse to read into it.
“They’re really letting you do this? Right on the heels of taking time off after the accident?”
“They don’t let anyone do anything. El, it’s three in the morning and I still need to get work done tomorrow before our flight.”
“I don’t even know if I need my passport for this flight,” I point out, and he grins.
“Remember when I had you fill out all that paperwork I said was for the hospital? I lied, sort of. Your passport expired, which I noticed when we got it from your apartment. I figured you would need it for something identification wise.”
“Ashley?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“Ashley,” he confirms.
“You owe her the best gift you have ever given her. ”
“I booked this all on my own, thank you very much.”
“Shall I give you a medal for being able to wipe your own ass too?” I tease. I didn’t realize how much I missed this banter until it was gone.
“I’ll accept a pat on the back if you don’t have one handy.” He gives me a half smile. “But seriously, I need to crash. My alarm is set for three hours from now.”
I pull away from the wall, heading to my room. The promise of tomorrow might prove to be too much for me. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring, but I know that Charlie is in it, and that is enough for me.
Chapter 5
Ican’tsleepawink on the flight to San Francisco, even with the cashmere blanket and eye mask that are gifted from the airline. Not even the comfort of first class can lull me to sleep. Every time I think I’m able to fall asleep, Charlie shifts ever so gently, pressing his thigh against mine. The one time I am able to let my mind drift off, all I can think about is how it would feel to have his thighs spreading mine as he hammers his body into me. I’m obviously more frustrated than I thought.
Charlie is plugging away on his laptop over some reports that are due while we’re away. He tried to promise that this was the only time that he would need to work, but he and I both know that as much as he wants that to be true, it’s not.
I’m too excited to keep my eyes closed for long, so I look out the window as we chase the setting sun. I open my mouth to make a snarky comment about time travel, but hold it in when I look at Charlie’s face. His brow is furrowed as he concentrates on the spreadsheet in front of him. Every so often, he catches his lower lip between his teeth a second before sucking it into his mouth. I study his profile instead, the way he absently runs the back of his hand along his jaw, rubbing at the five o’clock shadow growing there. He catches me looking at him out of the corner of his eyes.
“Can I help you, Elia?” he asks, turning to face me. He lowers his screen, signaling his focus change.
“No, not at all. I was just watching you,” I admit, delighted when he blushes. It’s a quick stain on his cheeks, surprised by my attention.
“Oh really? See something you like?” he asks, leaning back. I love the way his eyes rove over my face. He’s been tentative since the lines between our relationship started blurring. What was clear no longer is. Our kiss makes things uncertain. Was it a one time thing? Does he see me as more than the sad little injured amnesiac he’s been hosting in his home? Does he think I see him as a very fit, good looking ATM with surprisingly soft lips?
“Plenty.” I take my eyes off of him and take a bite of the salad we were served. The combination of spinach, walnuts, and goat cheese is a delicious distraction. There is so much I like about what I see when I look at him, but I won’t say that. I enjoy his smile and the way his brown eyes twinkle when he’s amused. I find myself blushing under his attention.
“Are you enjoying your first time in first class?” he asks, sipping his red wine. I would challenge him on what makes him think this is my first time, but my doe-eyed wonder as we settled in and were served gave me away, no doubt.
“It’s not too shabby. I will say, I thought you were private jet rich, and you're just boring first class rich.” I want to hide under the heady look in his eyes. He’s felt guilty since the kiss, afraid of giving an impression of pressuring me. This is the first time I’ve seen something other than nervous trepidation while he tries to keep me at arms length.
“Someone has high standards,” he teases.
“Only because you raised them,” I say, taking a sip from the now warm champagne I’ve been nursing. “Do you think this is real crystal?” I ask, looking at the glass in my hand.
“Possibly. You know there is some asshole somewhere who whined that it wasn’t.” He signals to the flight attendant, who comes over.