I smiled, resting my head on Mav's chest, my heart both heavy and light at once.
"Hala, were you and him…?"
"No," I answered quickly, squeezing Mav's waist. "He was my friend. The only friend I've ever had. But I loved him, and I miss him so much."
"Yeah, me too," Mav replied in a soft voice, his grief and pain returning. "When he went missing … a part of me thought I'd never hear what happened to him. He'd be lost forever, another missing shadowkind. But he's not the only one who's stubborn, and I couldn't stop looking. I tried to give up, but I couldn't. And then, a year after he vanished, you turned up wearing his locket. And then you killed me," he added dryly.
"And you and Sang came to abduct me," I added, wondering how that could make me laugh now.
"Actually we came to steal the locket and leave you for dead, but you were too cute, and Sang got attached."
My mouth fell open. "You came to earth to kill me?"
Mav prodded my shoulder with the end of a tentacle. "You actually killed me, firecracker. Literally, truly killed me."
"Ah. Good point." My cheeks heated. "I'm sorry about that."
Mav laughed, kissing my cheek. "My pointisI never expected to find out what happened to Vann. I thought I'd spend the rest of my life wondering. But now I know, and I won't deny it's killing me, and it was the hardest fucking truth to hear—"
I hugged him so tight he grunted.
"But it feels like a weight off my chest, to finally know the truth. And to know he wasn't alone. He had a friend as sweet as you at his side until the end."
I rolled onto my tiptoes and Mav lowered his head so I could kiss the sharp edge of his jaw, then his cheek. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop it. If I'd—"
"No," Mav interrupted, as fierce as he was gentle. "Nowhat ifs, firecracker. I've tortured myself with them for a year; I won't let you do it, too."
I lowered my gaze, stroking my hand over his side. "It's a tiny bit late for that."1
"Alright, then starting now—no more wondering, no more torture. What you've been through is bad enough without you hurting yourself with what never happened. I'm right here with you. We can grieve together, yeah?"
I nodded, swallowing the lump that rose into my throat. "Yeah."
He squeezed my side with a tentacle. "I'm glad you came to find my sulky ass. Feels easier to handle all of this with you here. Like it's not gonna completely suffocate me."
I trapped my bottom lip when it quivered, struggling for words, so I just hugged him tight.
"I'm glad someone else loves him as much as I do," I finally managed to choke out, tears burning my eyes.
They overflowed, scalding a path down my cheeks when Mav shifted against me and said, so gently, "You should have this back, Hala."
He drew back enough for me to see the glint of gold on his tentacle, held out to me. The locket—Vann's locket.
I shook my head, my breathing fracturing to pieces. "It's got your mum's photo in it; it should be yours."
He tugged my right hand from his waist and pressed the locket into my palm. "Vann gave it to you. It's yours. I'm sorry I ever took it."
I closed my fingers around it, hot tears streaking down my face—relief and release.
I'll keep this locket safe. I swear.
Part of me broke when Mav stole it, the shattered edges only hidden by the closeness he offered in the bath. But I failed Vann. I hadn't kept it safe; I let it be taken.
I won't let go of it ever again,I promised him.
"I only took it because I thought you killed him. If I realised you were his friend, I never would have snatched it off of you. And we'll get the chain repaired, don't worry."
I nodded, wordless and happy and grieving, a deep, painful wound that would never close. It was there even when I was happy, even when these monsters made every thought blur out of my mind. The loss was a part of me now, a living piece of Vann that would never fade as long as I remembered him.