"He used to play with me. Make me see different people because it made him laugh. I'd kill a huge, angry shadowkind but it would turn out to be a human teenager. Defenceless." Sang shook his head hard, and I ducked to avoid his horns. "I didn't want to do that. I only kill people who can fight back. Kittens aren't prey or food. You're supposed to lick them clean and keep them safe in the nest while you find food. But I…"
I reached up to grasp his face, holding his head still before it could shake again, and he froze completely, watching me as I stroked his striped, surprisingly soft cheeks with my thumbs.
"I'm so sorry someone tricked you like that," I said earnestly. "You know it wasn't your fault, right?"
"That's what Void says," Sang replied with a great heave of a sigh, his breath making my clothes flutter. I was still wearing the white shirt I stole from Void, though it had blood splatters on the collar from the shallow cut on my neck.
"What did Mav say?" I asked gently, stroking his face and wishing I had four limbs like my tentacle monster so I could hug Sang at the same time.
"Nothing; he just went out and killed my owner. Brought me his heart so we could grill it on the barbecue."
"Ah," I said, faltering. "Nice?"
Sang nodded shallowly, not wanting to lose my touch. "It was tasty."
I had no response for that.
"He deserved it," Sang said quietly, fiercely. "He made me—I thought I was fighting a gang of avian shadowkind who'd tried to steal from my owner."
My stomach dropped. Sang's eyes flicked down again and he rubbed his hands up and down my back, pressing me fully against his chest.
"What happened?" I whispered, doing my best to wrap my arms around him even though they didn't come close to meeting in the middle of his back. Sang shuddered, his chin dropping onto my shoulder.
"It was my sisters. My favourite people in both worlds. They were my best friends, and my little sisters, and I—I slaughtered them."
My stomach tightened, a sick twist in my gut. I rose onto my knees between his thighs and squeezed him into a tight, possibly painful hug.
"When I saw what I'd really done, all the blood and bones everywhere, their bodies sliced open and organs hanging out, I thought I'd gone mad. Actually, really mad, not just the wild insanity I already had. It couldn't be true. I couldn't have done that."
"Oh, Sang," I murmured, the muscles in my arms protesting as I held him even harder, with all my strength. He shuddered, clutching me back.
"My parents tried to kill me. My uncle nearly did. He ripped out all my insides like I'd done to my sisters, and left me for the avians I thought I'd been fighting. They like to eat injured shadowkind, you know?"
I felt sick. I'd been through a lot, but I never actually killed someone I loved with my own hands. Vann … he was dead because of me, but when I wasn't beating myself up with grief, I knew it had been his choice in the end. He'd chosen to sacrifice himself for me, and I couldn't waste the freedom and life he'd given me by torturing myself.
But what Sang endured…
"I'm so sorry," I breathed, scattering comforting kisses across his face like he'd done for me in the pub. He shuddered again, a hitch in his breathing that broke my heart.
"That's why everyone's scared of me. Because humans might call us all monsters, but I really am one. And I want—I want you to know all the things that are wrong with me, so you can choose if you really want to be my mate."
In a choked voice, he went on, "I know I said you were in the inn, but if you don't want to be my mate, that's okay."
"Whatisa mate?" I asked softly, kissing the sharp edge of his cheekbone. His eyes were screwed shut, as if he was too scared to look at me.
"A partner. Someone we want to spend time with, and share our beds with, and laugh with, and kill with."
I blinked at the last one, but the more he freely spoke about killing, the more desensitised I was becoming. "Like … a boyfriend?"
"But better. More serious."
Oh. So a long-term relationship? Wait, Sang wanted that withme?But he barely knew me, and I was all … me.
My stomach fluttered and filled with butterflies now instead of sympathetic cramps, and my heart rate kicked up. "You really want me?"
"I told you." He slit his eyes open, something sweetly hesitant about the look. "You're funny and colourful and interesting. Why would I ever want anyone else when I've found my mate?"
He paused, and in a soft rasp said, "Shadowkind don't usually mate for life, but I do. I want you forever."